Love and What I Ate: Thursday

BIG CHANGE--I've decided to stop dating these entries...since Blogger does that for me. I'm all about streamlining my life.

I'm trying to think of a short-term solution to these cliche winter blahs, and all I can think of is going tanning, which I don't really want to do. Should I lay a blanket down in the living room, put on my swimsuit, pretend the blanket is a pool, and dive off of chairs like I did when I was a kid in the winter? (Obviously I didn't really dive...it was too shallow.) I'm not going to take a trip to somewhere tropical as I'm saving up for a trip to London in April, so that's ruled out. Maybe it's finally time for the Russian baths, as much as that thought creeps me out. My dear Brooklyn Sea Hag (see link to the left) has been wanting to go for years. But...I'm open to other suggestions, friends. Do please submit.

So I do realize that one of the main categories of this thing is Love. And I also realize I've been pretty quiet on that whole topic. Let me give you the situation. I was in a long-term relationship that ended rather abruptly in December, and also ended without firm cause, as one of us (ahem) had some sort of a life crisis and finally faced his inability to function successfully in a committed, loving partnership. I am still in touch with this person, although as time goes, I am angrier about the whole situation. I myself am a fixer, and I think if something's wrong with my life or myself, why not do what I can to improve it? But apparently this is rare and strange. This makes me angry inside, but I am also quite calm about it, especially during the day. Sometimes I think too much before bed and can't fall asleep, but the exercising helps with that. Essentially, I am OK, but I am still trying to navigate this post-breakup "friendship" that sometimes I want to have and sometimes I don't. I mean, being in touch every day this week may just be too much, right? I need a cleaner break, I think, but I'm still figuring out how to handle it, since I also care about this person's wellbeing. I just may slow down my response time.

Rambling... Essentially, that's where I am with the past thing, and I'm looking forward and optimistic about something new, but I also feel like it's a bit too soon right now. I see this winter as my time to feel good about my physical self again, replenish my mental self, and enjoy my loving, fun friends as much as possible, as well as get out, be social, and meet people. But then, you know, stuff happens and I kiss a boy. I don't want this boy to be my boyfriend, as though he is intelligent and interesting, I do think our lifestyles aren't so compatible. But that KISSING was amazing. I'd forgotten what really good kissing was like, and I'm feeling a bit hooked. Like, can I please have more of that immediately, hooked. The only problem is the whole emotional mess that comes with it, plus the fact that I'm not exactly looking to take it too far sexually, which always makes those situations awkward. What to do? I guess I need to just relax and not focus so much on THAT ONE person's kissing, but think about the fun and fancy-freeness of it all. And the next kisser?

I am so not fancy free. Tips on that would also be appreciated.

Abrupt change of subject, food:
B - coffee, Honey Bunches of Oats with Strawberries, skim milk (4)
L - chicken and swiss on sandwich thin with L&T, Miracle Whip light and mustard; pear (4)
D - brown rice with vegetable tomato sauce and cubed chicken (7); romaine salad with tomatoes, cucumbers, feta, homemade vinaigrette (2)
S - Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (1), light string cheese before book club(2)
Total - 20
Activity - Some walking to/from book club after work, typing like a demon at work
Flex points remaining - 35