Monday, March 28, 2011

Weekend in Review

Hello, my law-abiding interfriends.  How were our unseasonably cold weekends?  It's just so frustrating to have been teased with a few warm days and now we're back to actually painful (ungloved) hands on my walk to the train this morning.  COME ON.

So the weekend was great but they are going so quickly now that I spend less time laying in bed eating tacos.  (That is not a euphemism.)  Friday night I took Hike out to Club A Steakhouse to celebrate his promotion at work, which we knew about awhile ago but it took a long time for HR to get him transitioned.  Today is when he starts the new position in the afternoons, and then next week he'll be fully moved to the new department.  I had bought a Living Social discount for the full prix fixe meal for two plus a bottle of wine for $80, which was a decent deal.  Our reservation was for 6 pm so we could just go from work, and we had appetizers (he had steak tartare, I had a ceasar salad), we both ordered a filet mignon and shared two sides (whipped yukon potatoes and creamed spinach) and then shared two desserts (carrot cake and tiramisu) and a bottle of wine.  It was a relatively fancy place, as they decanted the wine at our table AND did the crumb wiping, and the food was good, with the steaks being the highlight.  It was a really lovely date, and we had a lot of fun with each other and acted mushy and enjoyed ourselves very much for over two hours of lingering at the table.  Oh, and we had some serious Future Talk.  I love Future Talk.  Then we cabbed home to relax and watch Fraggles.

Saturday I headed over to Schmillie's for Henna Party: Afternoon Delight Edition, and she put out a very nice spread of cheese and shrimp dip and homemade olive tapenade, and we gorged.  We also had two bloody marys and then two bottles of wine, so you know, it was fun.  Oh, and she gave me homemade apple pie to go, later, since we were still SO FULL.  We played with the pets (she is in the process of moving in with her adorable boyfriend, so we were at his Red Hook loft and he has a dog and a hairless cat, which is mesmerizing), and at one point took our wine downstairs for a smoke and managed to not notice the cop car parked down the block.  Long story short, they wanted to fill a quota and we looked like two middle class white girls, so we got ticketed for open containers in public!  Luckily the fine is only $25 or I would be much more upset.  It's rather ridiculous but we did break the law and now we are officially rebels.  I haven't felt this conflicted since that shoplifting bust when I was 15.

So I cabbed back to Astoria and Hike picked me up to go to dinner (we tried this new place Dekko, which was not very impressive.  It's just fine.) and then it was 10 pm so we just went back home for more relaxing.  Sunday morning I battled a bit of a headache, but I wasn't too hungover, and then around noon we drove to see his grandma in the Bayside (Queens) area and visited with his mom and her boyfriend, who were also over visiting.  We had macaronis and gravy and meatballs and sausage, then the three ladies went grocery shopping for Grandma (and I picked up a few things), and actually Grandma insisted on paying for my grapefruit, apples, spinach and turkey sausage, and brown rice for Hike.  Oh Franny!  I wouldn't have put anything in the cart if I knew she wanted to buy it, but it was really sweet of her.  The men stayed back to watch some NCAA, then we all relaxed and had tea and cookies before Hike and I headed back to Astoria and for some more Fraggling and a late supper at my house.  Then bedtime! 

I dreamt that I was in college and I had a girlfriend who then dumped me, and I felt so embarrassed that she was dumping me to go back to her ex-boyfriend.  It was very strange, but I think it reflects some recent (and slight) changes in the dynamics of my lady friendships.  Today is good -- I'm groggy, as is the usual on a Monday, but I didn't take any sleeping pills so it's not too bad.  Has anyone tried Melatonin for help sleeping?  Hike is very into natural stuff and while I am not drinking all of that Kool-aid, it's influencing me a little.  But hey, I gave up Splenda for Stevia before he and I were serious, so it's not all him.  Anyway, I sometimes need some help calming down on Sunday nights, so if Melatonin works, I'd be interested.

Speaking of healthy changes in my life, I'm still weaning off of the Proactiv.  I use it about once every four days now, and in the beginning, I definitely was breaking out on my chin area, especially, but I think I was also feeling more stress.  I'm pretty calm lately (famous last words) and my skin is also improving.  I have been using this all-natural face care line about every other day, which I bought at the spa when I had my facial this winter, and I love it.  It just smells so great and makes me feel pampered and it's nice on my skin.  I use the cleanser, toner (aka lotion) and cream for combination skin, and I just ordered full-sized bottles of each, plus a bottle of facial oil to work into the routine.  I'm looking forward to using adult products and feeling pretty when I let's hope the breakouts continue to lessen.

And I am still smoking when I drink, which is occasionally, and this past weekend was the first time I'd bought a pack (to bring with me to Henna Afternoon.)  It proved again that I can't own them, since I smoked two yesterday.  It's like DESSERT, I have very little willpower, and I just think "I'll smoke them now so they'll be gone and then I won't have any."  I only have a few left at home, and I'm fine not smoking during the day or anything so I don't think this is a total fail, but it's a dangerous flirtation and I need to behave again after these are gone.  (Yes, I know, but I won't behave until they're gone, so shut up.)  I don't want to be a smoker, but at this time in my life (when I'm not a mother, when I live in the city and have social drinking functions and am youngish) I will have one every once in awhile, and that's going to be OK.  I just don't want to smoke a lot or be controlled by them.

Any other news?  Not really.  Today I'm cooking a half chicken from our CSA in the crockpot, so tonight I'll shred it and I think make soup...I was going to add BBQ sauce, but I have some lovely soup ingredients at home and it'll be a good WW-appropriate lunch.  (Well, either would, but this might be better.)  I also plan on going to the gym after work, since I went last Thursday (while my clothes were in the dryer at the laundromat!) and it's easier to go again once I break that hurdle.  Plus I've stopped GAINING weight but I'm not losing any yet, either, so we need to kickstart that process.  Especially since I ordered my bridesmaid gown for Britch's wedding on Friday and am SO NERVOUS about the fit.  Too big, too small, all of it.

P.S. I ordered these shoes from Piperlime and they arrived last week.  They are HOTT, right?  I'm in a shoe phase, what can I say?

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Hester Prynne's Big Night Out

So I'm going through a phase of trying to wear higher heels again.  Today I'm wearing these BCBGirls Mary Janes for the first time.  I sort of think they're a hideous pilgrim S&M concoction, but am also so drawn to them.  I think it's the buckle options.  Thoughts?  Also, they're relatively comfortable*. 

*I say at 10:44 this morning while sitting at my desk. 

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I'm Taken with the Notion

Hello interlovers.  How are we?  I'm doing well today after a miserable Monday yesterday.

The weekend was lots of fun.  Friday night Hike joined Schmate and Schmillie and AWR (Shmate's mate) for a wine & cheese spread at Schmate's in Murray Hill as our lovely Schmauren was driving down from Boston.  As luck would have it, she arrived just in time for the tail end of the spread.  Then the merry sixsome headed to the new Murray Hill location of Bareburger, my Astoria favorite, for a variety of meats and milkshakes.  It was great to catch up with Schmauren, and then she drove we two Astorians back home for our slumber party at my place.

Saturday Hike and I slept in a bit while Schmauren headed out to meet her old roomie and cutest person ever for brunch...without the food.  When I finally roused myself to her phone call, we planned for me to meet them shortly and then we'd all eat together.  (I thought she was in my living room this whole time, but I think my creepy roommate scared her off with my spare keys.)  It was a lovely brunch and I had a delicious roasted mushroom, scrambled egg, and Parmesan panini with fig spread (that I ordered on the side) to sweeten things up.  Then Schmauren and I went for a mani/pedi session, then home to relax (I napped) before heading into the city to meet Schmillie for more wine before dinner.  We then walked to explore Eataly and as we didn't want to wait an hour to be seated, we each grabbed a slice of foccaccia pizza to go.  So good!  We munched and walked down to Flannery's on 7th and 14th for some good drinks, music, and convo.  We even scored a table, so it was the perfect destination.  We called it a night around 1 am, and I cabbed back to Hike's. 

In the morning he had to run off to LI for his fantasy baseball draft, so I walked home, stopping for some groceries along the way, then cleaned and organized in my room and marinated some chicken.  Then Schmauren picked me up to meet Schmannon and Schmeather for brunch at MexiQ.  It was amazing, though the service and wait time for food was a little slow.  But we had lots of time to chat, and we (except Schmauren, who was driving home afterwards) enjoyed the unlimited Bloody Mary option for $7, and I ordered the BBQ Brisket Eggs Benedict on Jalapeno Corn Muffins.  AMAZING.  So so good.  I want it again and again.  After brunch, Schmauren hit the road and the remaining three of us wandered down Steinway for a little shopping and coffee, and then the girls headed out for some afternoon sports and beer while I went home for more organizing and napping and grilling of that chicken for lunches this week, etc.

All in all it was a great weekend, and I loved spending so much time with Schmauren, and while I missed Hike as we had more time apart than usual, it was nice to see so many girlfriends and get some things done at home. 

Yesterday I had a sore throat, probably from smoking with Schmillie while drinking this weekend (what can I say?) and felt really out of it, but I slept a lot last night and feel much better today.  I can tell my body is sometimes fighting something, and if I behaved badly, it would probably progress, but instead I sleep like a cat and it gets better.  I haven't been sick in a very long time, people.  Yes, I'm [knocking on wood]. 

Tonight Hike and I are having some delicious Thai food and then seeing The Adjustment Bureau for free with his free movie pass deal, and then sleeping at mine.  It's our first midweek sleepover experiment, so we may murder each other when the alarm goes off tomorrow, but hopefully not and it'll be the first of many.  I feel very adult, plus I want to share more of our lives, so I'm looking forward to it.  If anything it'll help me feel more consistently secure and at peace about things and then hopefully less sensitive to minor infractions.

UMM I'm hungry right now, but should not be.  I've been doing fairly well at weight watching during the week, except when eating out, so obviously it's still not that strict but I do what I can.  On Sunday I marinated thinly-sliced chicken cutlets in fresh oregano, Worcestershire, mustard, and Cajun seasoning, and grilled it all up at night, so I'm having those in sandwich thins with LT and honey mustard for lunch this week.  Four points!  Plus a 1-point string cheese.  And it was satisfying yesterday (I was good until I ate all those Cadbury Mini Eggs before bed), but I feel hungry right now, and I only ate like an hour and a half ago.  This must be mental, right?  Maybe I'll eat some Special K to tide me over.  UGH I just need my stomach to shrink again!  On the inside, I mean.

So of course for dinner I want the Pineapple Fried Rice with Chicken, but that's probably a terrible choice.  I'm looking online now for the better options that still sound appealing, but ugh, I wish my metabolism could process delicious food.  Oh, food.

Well, obviously I have nothing too exciting going on, but this is the latest.  And now I'm ready for a nap.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Get Me Outta Heeeeere

Wellll it's getting warmer out, and sunnier, and I am starting to walk around this fair city again. It feels good! And I feel less like this:

I think that's a sleeping bear cub. I want one! Anyway, work has been very productive since last week, when I got caught up and they officially changed the workflow so that I'm not project managing work for the incompetant staff -- now the staff get to hang themselves by their own rope, and I get more time to work on my own stuff instead of their paralegal stuff.  I'll help as needed, but I'm not the first go-to anymore.  (One lawyer was treating me as his personal secretary, basically, so this should improve things greatly.)  So good.

The weekend was lovely, but went way too fast again.  Friday night I talked to Britch for awhile, then Hike picked me up and we went to Bareburger.  I had the lamb burger with cucumber and tzatziki, and a side salad, and it was delicious and didn't make me feel ill afterwards.  Then home for some good conversation and listening to music together, and then Fraggles.  Saturday I went to Carroll Gardens for Harpie brunch, Mardi Gras-style, and it was delicious and very fun.  Plus I love that neighborhood, so just walking around made me so happy.  I cabbed it back so I could take a quick shower and be ready for Hike to pick me up at 4:30 for the Devils game.  We drove to Newark, met up with his buddy who helps the Islanders' broadcast team for a bit, then got some supper (pizza and hot dogs!) and found our seats.  The game was pretty exciting and went into OT, and then we drove back and were home around 11.  Sunday I was feeling motivated since it was so lovely outside, so we drove to his mom's for macaronis and gravy and hanging out, and then he took me to TARGET.  Swoon.  I stayed within my promised one-hour shopping time, and it didn't drive him away, so it was a success.  (I'm intense in Target, people.) 

And Sunday marked five months since our first date, so it was a nice day of hanging out and enjoying ourselves.  Five months seems like a long time!  In the beginning I'd be like "Ohhh I feel serious but it's only been x months," but now I feel like I can legitimately be in a serious relationship.  You know, in my crazy head, it makes a difference.  But only a little.

This week will be pretty full, but I'm so excited about these hints of springtime, plus with the clock change, I can get more done after work because I have more energy.  Last night I walked to the library and then ran some errands (and the walk was over 2 miles), then tonight I'll walk to book club, then have dinner with Schmate and Schmillie at Penelope, and I'm looking forward to catching up with my ladies.  Tomorrow night I'll see Hike again, then Thursday is open so I'll hopefully get more exercise, then Friday night Schmauren arrives and it's a munchtastic weekend ahead!  I can't wait.

So I installed a Weight Watchers point tracking app on my phone, and I'm going to try and adhere to the plan during the week and take the weekends off.  Obviously it'll still be tough with dinners out, etc., but I'm going to do my best and since it's this interactive thing, hopefully I'll be more interested in entering the data. 

I think this blog has gotten much more boring now that I'm not dishing on my love life, right?  I am welcome to any suggestions for spicing things up.

ALSO, in a daydreamy way I've started looking at apartments online.  You know how I love Astoria, but I love the Carroll Gardens/Clinton Hill neighborhood so much, I was also looking there.  Unfortunately very few of the Craigslist offerings were the cute brownstoney type that I'd want, but it's SO FUN to look.  I would also go to Long Island City -- I like the vibe there.  So right, I'm just putting it out there.  I suddenly have a real estate porn problem.

Well fine, I'm going to go figure out how to make a fillable PDF form.  My life is a whirlwind!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Cheaters and Liars and Tears, Oh My

To this day my husband never found out. How the hell did I get away with it? I was a cheater and a liar, and it takes one to know one. That’s why he never suspected me. Because he’s not a cheater and a liar. He never thought in that way.

I just read this article about a guy who's made a movie about divorce, based on his research with real-life divorcees, and it's interesting, mostly because of the excerpts from his interviews.  We all want to think this could never be us, and I'm so terrified of it being me that when I read these stories, I try to immediately come up with a reason that my relationship is different, so I can be sure I'm not following that path.  But the quote above is from an unfaithful wife (now ex-wife, of course), and it struck a particular nerve with me.  A happy nerve, actually.  As you probably know, I blame myself for not realizing that Mex was cheating on me, and for not picking up on the clues or red flags or secretive behavior.  I'm being candid here -- the hardest part of this terrible thing has been and will continue to be trusting my own judgment again.  I know all the rational responses you will have to that, but the stark facts are that I ignored some major warning signs.  And hindsight bias is helping me beat myself up for not getting wise much earlier.  All that to say that the quote above helped me forgive myself a little.  I'm not a cheater or a liar, so I just didn't think that way.  The fact that a total stranger said this makes me feel better, because she makes it sound so obvious and true. 

Now I just have to determine if my instincts are right this time.  I worry about that a lot.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Be Kind, Remind

It's Lent!  And though I wasn't raised in the Catholic tradition so never gave anything up for Lent, I appreciate the discipline and have decided to give up (by which I mean try really hard to stop) thinking negative thoughts about myself.  It's been a tough winter, self-esteem wise, because (as happens every winter) I have no energy to move around, I just want to sleep all the time, and I put on my Mama Bear winter weight.  Added to that this year was the 5-pound weight gain from quitting smoking and the comparisons to my athletic and very healthy boyfriend who likes to go to the gym.  So I think about how heavy I am, how he must hate my body, how he must compare me to other women, etc., when in reality he loves me and was duly warned about the cigarette weight-gain (and was unconcerned) and yells at me when I cover myself up self-consciously.  So, I have to chose to believe him.  I also have to choose to be nice to myself, because all this beating-up hasn't resulted in any changes, just miserable eating!

My struggle is hunger and cravings, plus dating meals.  My resolution will be to try and make good decisions, to try and move around when I want to (which will be more often as it warms up) and to not get hung up on any bad decisions I've already made (even if it was ice cream 20 minutes ago.  For example.  No, I did not eat ice cream at 11 am.) 

And I need some context.  I'm still only up five pounds for all this bad behavior, and I know I can drop that fairly quickly with some stricter behavior.  At the same time, I will be enjoying many delicious meals out with my partner and friends, and I am not going to limit that joy too much.

Isn't it always this same thing?  Why is every female friend of mine trying to lose weight?  I don't know one single lady (and I mean married or single) who is just content with her weight...except maybe this beanpole associate at my office who eats McDonald's and mac & cheese for lunch.  But for all I know, she thinks she's too thin?  So right, ridiculous.  Where are these women who we're trying to look like?  There can't be that many of them, or I'd know one, I think.  Maybe my slightly rolly mid-section is just how it's supposed to be.  And maybe (apparently) that is lovable and sexy and I need to stop suicide bombing my relationship with my issues about it. 

So right, I forgot my lunch today but after comparing nutritional information for two of the meal options that sound best (a Moaz falafel pita and Baja Fresh), I'm going with tacos at Baja.  They are SIGNIFICANTLY healthier, like frighteningly so, and still delish.  I already feel good about this decision!  Plus I'm wearing my favorite cozy sweater today.  I sort of feel like Mokey from Fraggle Rock in it.

My new haircut kind of looks like that, too.

Tonight is Shmannon/Thigh's birthday drinks, and I'll get to hang with Schmillie there, too, then race back to Astoria to pick up the veggies, then home for a reasonable bedtime, thank goodness.  Monday night I didn't sleep well, so last night I konked out but I always need lots o' sleep for maxium functionality.  And I keep dreaming about large houses/dorms/mansions where I'll be staying.  Like in the dream I'm picking out which room -- I've had five of these dreams recently, though the details always change.  WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?  Dream dictionaries haven't been much help, since it's such a specific situation.  Please help me, interfriends.  And sweet dreams.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Interfriends!  Hello.  Man, last week was very busy at work and outside of it, and I feel so behind on my slacking time.

A week ago from Friday, Hike's aunt passed away from cancer, so we went to the wake on LI on Monday.  I left work at noon and we got home after 10 pm, so it was a long, sad day, but I'm glad I could be there for him.  Then work was crazy and the other, inefficient staff members that I'm supposed to corral were giving me problems, and I don't remember much else from the week - it wasn't eventful!

This past Friday I had some lovely happy hour beverages with Schmillie, then went over to Hike's for pizza and Fraggles.  Saturday I got my nails did and took care of some stuff at home, then we went into the city for his sister-in-law's huge 30th birthday party at Hudson Terrace.  It was an open bar and dancing and really fun, and also full of Long Islanders.  A lot of Hike's friends were there, and they were all very nice and we danced for awhile with his mom, too, and I wore really high heels but didn't die, only had to sit down every so often from the ankle pain.  I'm getting better!  Sunday was a terrible hangover since I drank so much vodka, and so we were very lazy, and alternated between watching Cheers and Fraggles.  It was a good lazy day, but man, I can NOT drink so much anymore.  Why do I never learn?

This week should be nice.  I'm catching up on my normal work, and tonight I should try to do laundry (though really, I should go to the gym, but meh), because tomorrow Hike and I are going to see Cedar Rapids for free, whoo, then Wednesday is Thighs' birthday party and then I have to leave early to pick up the monthly veggies, and then Thursday is dinner at this new Mexican place in Astoria that I'm VERY excited about with Schmess, and maybe our boyfriends, and then Friday is Hike somehow, then Saturday I have Harpie brunch and then Hike and I are going to a Devils' game in NJ and having dinner out there beforehand, and drinks with his friend afterward.  Whew!

So things are pretty great, and I'm trying not to internalize my work stress, and my weight is still higher from quitting smoking (and winter weight), but I've stopped gaining and now just have to go back down five pounds before I feel decent about myself.  It's interesting to have such a fit boyfriend, because it really does make me crazy self-conscious (and it's not his fault, it's all in my head,) and the only answer is to do something about it.  Slowly but surely, I guess.

Now back to the grind. 

Weekend Update

That is all for now.