Friday, October 15, 2010

Just When You Think You've Gotten Away With It

My office is a ghost town today!  I have a feeling I'll be enjoying the bounty of the internet quite a bit.  I also tracked down the lady singer from the Avett Brothers concert, so I'm checking out her Youtube offerings, though there is not much.  What do you think?

The Munchers are discussing starting a month-long self-improvement game, that involves setting personal goals and getting points for reaching them.  It's sort of a competition, but with friendly encouragement included.  I think we're still working on details, but if it doesn't take off soon, I'll start on my goal list myself.  One of my items is to track my food again, so we'll be returning to that shortly.  In fact, I can do it today, though I don't know what I'm having for lunch yet.  I let myself buy (and I get one of those a week!)

So last night was a much-needed night in.  I got home and Skyped with Britch for an hour and a half or so, and we got all caught up and my psyche feels more balanced again.  Hike texted me during the day and I was pleased.

Oh right, so other than the fact that I need to trim down a bit for myself, as well as work these muscles again, as I can tell I'm not as flexible as I used to be, I also want to make sure I'll feel OK taking off my clothes in front of Hike or someone like him.  Ha, this is why I always liked slightly chubby guys, I think.  Hike is really fit and seems smooth and it makes me nervous to be all jiggly and lumpy.  So yeah, another motivating factor.  I mean, who knows if it'll happen, but I must get prepared.

As I was falling asleep last night (early! finally!), I was thinking about the Mex situation, and how I'll handle it when I'm more seriously dating someone new.  As in, how I'd talk about it, or what I'd do if we ran into him in the neighborhood.  I think the latter would make me very uncomfortable and I'd want to leave the establishment (if it were indoors), but I am not sure how to explain that to a suitor.  It's not that I want Mex back in my life, or that I still have romantic feelings for him, but I just still have a lot of pain and anger about what he did.  And I feel like that will seem as if I'm too hung up on it, and I probably AM too hung up on it, but I don't know what to do.  I mean, I'm progressing, I just don't want to turn somebody new off.  Anyway, I'm not looking for an exact answer, I'm just mulling this over. 

So right, then at 5:30 this morning I am awakened by a text message.  My phone just beeps once and doesn't usually wake me up, but I must've been rolling over or something so I wasn't as asleep.  Anyway, it's Mex (and we haven't talked in awhile now -- maybe nearly 2 months?) and he said "You were right."  I immediately roll my eyes and think "Oh god, the baiting of an alocoholic," because my friends who are more experienced with the disease have taught me about this.  Then the second thing I think is "Oh god, does he have an STD or something else horrible?"  (I wasn't entirely awake, obviously, and I am a worrier by nature, as you know.)  So I respond "About?"  Dumb move, Stevie.  He then is like "Oh, u r awake!" etc.  He misses me, he wants to see me, and then he tried calling, and I ignored it all.  The last one was just a pleading "baby" and for fuck's sake, man.  It was him crying wolf, being wasted, and being lonely, and it's sad.  I will say it's slightly better that I wasn't entirely awake at the time, because when I woke up for real this morning, it sort of just seemed like a bad dream.  (And I later dreamed about snakes, so you know, they connected.)  And I'm also encouraged that I'm not totally messed up by hearing from him, or hearing such things from him.  I'll admit it's nice to know that I'm not missing out on anything, as he's still a drunk, desperate loser, and it's also nice to know that YEAH it's not that easy to get over me, shithead.  But you know, in general I don't want to think about it much, and I think I can accomplish that.

Right, that happened.  But onwards.  The weekend should be great, and nice and cold and fall-ish!  Today I have fun lunch plans with the two local Munchers, and then tonight I'm going to Park Slope to see a friend's band with Schmillie, and at first I was thinking "Oh, I'm too old and tired," but then I realized that 1) I miss her and 2) I don't have much else planned this weekend, so that's lame.  Tomorrow I'm having brunch at Il Bambino in Astoria with Schmammi (where I didn't get to go on my brunch date last weekend), and that's it so far.  I know Mars (my date from Monday) has a wedding in NJ this weekend, so he won't be around, but perhaps Hike will want to meet up.  That would be lovely.  Happy Friday!

Food today:
B - Honey Bunches, coffee, milk
L - soup & half sandwich at 'Wichcraft
S - beer tonight

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