Thursday, October 7, 2010

up/down DATE

I didn't want to mention this yesterday, but I have a confession:  I am still talking to Sleeve.  I "put my foot down" a few times in the past few weeks, as you know, about how nothing was happening and we weren't hanging out.  Though obviously I didn't do it very effectively, as sometimes I enjoyed the frequent texting.  I guess it made me feel less lonely, and it has been about two months of this fictional text romance.

So he called me on Tuesday night and we talked for awhile.  I already knew he was good at being/seeming very sincere in conversation, just not great at the follow-through.  He said that he's been treating me poorly and acting like an idiot, and he's been dealing with something that was taking up a lot of his time, and that he now cleared it so he can really prove to me that he's serious about seeing me.  I'm not used to a man talking so much about the relational situation, but this guy doesn't stop.  So I kept saying that it sounds nice, but I'm just reserving judgement, but I do believe he has good intentions or I wouldn't have taken his phone call.  I've been trying to keep him at arms' length, despite his entreaties, and he tells me he understands and he's going to prove himself to me, yada yada yada.  So he asks when he can see me, and we decide we'll meet up in Astoria around 8:30 pm last night.  He was going to skip his second class, since he's busy Thursday and this was important (or whatever.)  He said he'd be in touch yesterday, but that was the plan.

Guess how yesterday went?  I didn't hear anything, and to be honest, I'd sort of figured.  I did take a shower after I got home from picking up the veggies, but I did NOT proceed with makeup or getting dressed in date clothes or anything.  So at 9:30, when I'm snuggled in PJs and watching Cougar Town (shut up), I text him and say What the hell?  He responds, and the long and short of it is that a classmate texted him that morning to remind him of a midterm review, which requires him rushing to work to finish things in order to leave in time to make the review and classes, etc.  I said that he should have told me, and he said to be honest, he didn't think of it.  He also forgot to call his mother as scheduled, and this is one big mama's boy.

Ha, now I'm getting mad again.

So he leaves his class to call me and says he'll come back now and we can go out, and then I'm all "why did you leave?!  go back!" and he can't, and I said it was too late for me to go out at 10 on a work night, and he is apologizing up and down and I am angry and upset so I say I want to get off the phone and I hang up.  I cool down for awhile, then I text that I'm sorry I hung up so abruptly.  (I know I'm in the right, people, but I don't like acting that way.)  He says he's on the train and asks if he can some by and we can have a cigarette on the stoop together.  I said OK.  Frankly, at this point it's been built up way too much and I wanted to see him in person again, JUST TO SEE.  So basically he comes over, I let him inside and we sit on my bed and talk and watch the Yankees and drink one beer each.  He won't shut up with the apologizing and how he's going to be more thoughtful and it was just such a terrible day and we'll go out properly soon, since he didn't mean for it to be like this, and I get tired of talking about it.  He's so adamant that I know he's "for real" and I am willing to admit that I'm exploring the option.  And I know that's crazy.  Oh, full disclosure, there was a tiny bit of cuddling/hand holding and a chaste kiss goodnight. 

Right, so I don't want anyone to jump down my throat here.  I realize this is like a minefield and probably not a good idea, but I haven't been able to stop being somewhat interested in him.  I can make a pro/con list, but I think basically I like how he talks to me.  He's a big, dumb Italian with a heart o' gold (most of the time).  He's so direct and open in conversation, and I've never had anyone talk to me like this.  I also don't know what the reason is that he wants to sit down and talk to me about (for why it's taken two months to hang out), but he said he wants to tell me, so we'll see.  (Since last night was sort of his last-ditch attempt to salvage something, I didn't feel like having more serious discussions.)  There are many cons, but for now, it feels kinda OK.  And that is all.

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