My office is a ghost town today! I have a feeling I'll be enjoying the bounty of the internet quite a bit. I also tracked down the lady singer from the Avett Brothers concert, so I'm checking out her Youtube offerings, though there is not much. What do you think?
The Munchers are discussing starting a month-long self-improvement game, that involves setting personal goals and getting points for reaching them. It's sort of a competition, but with friendly encouragement included. I think we're still working on details, but if it doesn't take off soon, I'll start on my goal list myself. One of my items is to track my food again, so we'll be returning to that shortly. In fact, I can do it today, though I don't know what I'm having for lunch yet. I let myself buy (and I get one of those a week!)
So last night was a much-needed night in. I got home and Skyped with Britch for an hour and a half or so, and we got all caught up and my psyche feels more balanced again. Hike texted me during the day and I was pleased.
Oh right, so other than the fact that I need to trim down a bit for myself, as well as work these muscles again, as I can tell I'm not as flexible as I used to be, I also want to make sure I'll feel OK taking off my clothes in front of Hike or someone like him. Ha, this is why I always liked slightly chubby guys, I think. Hike is really fit and seems smooth and it makes me nervous to be all jiggly and lumpy. So yeah, another motivating factor. I mean, who knows if it'll happen, but I must get prepared.
As I was falling asleep last night (early! finally!), I was thinking about the Mex situation, and how I'll handle it when I'm more seriously dating someone new. As in, how I'd talk about it, or what I'd do if we ran into him in the neighborhood. I think the latter would make me very uncomfortable and I'd want to leave the establishment (if it were indoors), but I am not sure how to explain that to a suitor. It's not that I want Mex back in my life, or that I still have romantic feelings for him, but I just still have a lot of pain and anger about what he did. And I feel like that will seem as if I'm too hung up on it, and I probably AM too hung up on it, but I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm progressing, I just don't want to turn somebody new off. Anyway, I'm not looking for an exact answer, I'm just mulling this over.
So right, then at 5:30 this morning I am awakened by a text message. My phone just beeps once and doesn't usually wake me up, but I must've been rolling over or something so I wasn't as asleep. Anyway, it's Mex (and we haven't talked in awhile now -- maybe nearly 2 months?) and he said "You were right." I immediately roll my eyes and think "Oh god, the baiting of an alocoholic," because my friends who are more experienced with the disease have taught me about this. Then the second thing I think is "Oh god, does he have an STD or something else horrible?" (I wasn't entirely awake, obviously, and I am a worrier by nature, as you know.) So I respond "About?" Dumb move, Stevie. He then is like "Oh, u r awake!" etc. He misses me, he wants to see me, and then he tried calling, and I ignored it all. The last one was just a pleading "baby" and for fuck's sake, man. It was him crying wolf, being wasted, and being lonely, and it's sad. I will say it's slightly better that I wasn't entirely awake at the time, because when I woke up for real this morning, it sort of just seemed like a bad dream. (And I later dreamed about snakes, so you know, they connected.) And I'm also encouraged that I'm not totally messed up by hearing from him, or hearing such things from him. I'll admit it's nice to know that I'm not missing out on anything, as he's still a drunk, desperate loser, and it's also nice to know that YEAH it's not that easy to get over me, shithead. But you know, in general I don't want to think about it much, and I think I can accomplish that.
Right, that happened. But onwards. The weekend should be great, and nice and cold and fall-ish! Today I have fun lunch plans with the two local Munchers, and then tonight I'm going to Park Slope to see a friend's band with Schmillie, and at first I was thinking "Oh, I'm too old and tired," but then I realized that 1) I miss her and 2) I don't have much else planned this weekend, so that's lame. Tomorrow I'm having brunch at Il Bambino in Astoria with Schmammi (where I didn't get to go on my brunch date last weekend), and that's it so far. I know Mars (my date from Monday) has a wedding in NJ this weekend, so he won't be around, but perhaps Hike will want to meet up. That would be lovely. Happy Friday!
Food today:
B - Honey Bunches, coffee, milk
L - soup & half sandwich at 'Wichcraft
D - TBD
S - beer tonight
Friday, October 15, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I'll Pommes Your Frites
Stevie, reporting for duty. Let's talk about last night.
Before the date began, I met up with my old boss in publishing, the fabulous MoMo. We had a drink at Bill's (aka Bill's Gay Nineties), I met her ex-boyfriend, and we caught up for an hour. I wish we had longer, but she'll be back in town soon. She's so supportive and fun, and I miss her.
The Avett Brothers concert was amazing. The curtains opened on LANGHORNE EFFING SLIM, my boyfriend and Schmillie's ex-boyfriend, singing solo, then the Avetts come out and it's great, and they have some other guests throughout the night (including this woman with an amazing voice who I can't find online, and I want to listen to more), and Langhorne comes back for a few songs, and they talked about how when you play Radio City, you bring your family, and it was just awesome. They played for two hours, they kept up a good pace, and it was totally worth the ticket price. Here's Langhorne, swoon:
My date Hike was sweet, nice, fun, etc. It was a really great night. And he's not the type I'm used to, but I think that's also good. He just seems happy and together and not too serious, and also so clean-cut. So why not try it, right? It's funny sort-of liking two boys at once, because I get flashes of "Oh I have to decide," but I DON'T. Especially since who knows if either will actually ask me out again. It's fun dating multiple people, as long as none are too serious, which obviously they're not now.
And I need to drop these 10 pounds again. He seems pretty in-shape, and I don't want to be worried about getting nekkid...with anyone, I suppose. I'm not putting all my eggs in his breadbasket! Must stop that line of thinking!
Before the date began, I met up with my old boss in publishing, the fabulous MoMo. We had a drink at Bill's (aka Bill's Gay Nineties), I met her ex-boyfriend, and we caught up for an hour. I wish we had longer, but she'll be back in town soon. She's so supportive and fun, and I miss her.
The Avett Brothers concert was amazing. The curtains opened on LANGHORNE EFFING SLIM, my boyfriend and Schmillie's ex-boyfriend, singing solo, then the Avetts come out and it's great, and they have some other guests throughout the night (including this woman with an amazing voice who I can't find online, and I want to listen to more), and Langhorne comes back for a few songs, and they talked about how when you play Radio City, you bring your family, and it was just awesome. They played for two hours, they kept up a good pace, and it was totally worth the ticket price. Here's Langhorne, swoon:
My date Hike was sweet, nice, fun, etc. It was a really great night. And he's not the type I'm used to, but I think that's also good. He just seems happy and together and not too serious, and also so clean-cut. So why not try it, right? It's funny sort-of liking two boys at once, because I get flashes of "Oh I have to decide," but I DON'T. Especially since who knows if either will actually ask me out again. It's fun dating multiple people, as long as none are too serious, which obviously they're not now.
And I need to drop these 10 pounds again. He seems pretty in-shape, and I don't want to be worried about getting nekkid...with anyone, I suppose. I'm not putting all my eggs in his breadbasket! Must stop that line of thinking!
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Blah Blah Blah
Aw, Mars just texted and told me to have a good time at the show tonight. That is sweet and slightly makes up for the NO answer he gave me. Maybe he won't disappear?
Oh, and the guy from brunch on Saturday asked me to go to a movie sometime this week, but I said "Hey thanks, but I don't think we had the right chemistry. It was nice to meet you, and I wish you the best!" That's a gentle rejection, right? I wanted to say "Put your napkin on your lap and then we'll talk," but that makes me feel too much like my mother.
Oh, and the guy from brunch on Saturday asked me to go to a movie sometime this week, but I said "Hey thanks, but I don't think we had the right chemistry. It was nice to meet you, and I wish you the best!" That's a gentle rejection, right? I wanted to say "Put your napkin on your lap and then we'll talk," but that makes me feel too much like my mother.
The Mice Are Playing
I've accomplished very little real work today so far, and it's thrilling. I'm also counting down the eight hours until I will be seeing my boyfriends, The Avett Brothers, at Radio City.
It will also be my first date with Hike from OKC. I think it should at least be fun, as he seems nice and friendly, and he'd have to be pretty awful to ruin my experience with those bearded boys above.
Last night's dodgeball game was depressing, as we only had 6 people show up so we all got worn out pretty quickly, especially as we're one of the worst teams so we're constantly fighting for our lives. I hate half my team, though, and I think they're just giving up. Thanks, assholes. Also I caught one ball where the force made me fall back onto my butt, and now my left butt hurts. Maybe I'll ask my date to massage it? :)
I did talk to the engaged friend, and of course HE knows and loves the Avett Brothers. I had a moment of thinking "shoot, I should have asked him, " but then I realized that would be sort of pointless. It's better to at least have a date, even if it may not work out. It was all part of my plan that barely happened. (I am probably jinxing myself right now.)
In other news, my dear old boss is in town for business, and I think I'll be able to swing by and see her at happy hour before I meet up with Mike. MoMo is in the house, and I'm excited.
So wish me luck, and I'll report back tomorrow.
It will also be my first date with Hike from OKC. I think it should at least be fun, as he seems nice and friendly, and he'd have to be pretty awful to ruin my experience with those bearded boys above.
Last night's dodgeball game was depressing, as we only had 6 people show up so we all got worn out pretty quickly, especially as we're one of the worst teams so we're constantly fighting for our lives. I hate half my team, though, and I think they're just giving up. Thanks, assholes. Also I caught one ball where the force made me fall back onto my butt, and now my left butt hurts. Maybe I'll ask my date to massage it? :)
I did talk to the engaged friend, and of course HE knows and loves the Avett Brothers. I had a moment of thinking "shoot, I should have asked him, " but then I realized that would be sort of pointless. It's better to at least have a date, even if it may not work out. It was all part of my plan that barely happened. (I am probably jinxing myself right now.)
In other news, my dear old boss is in town for business, and I think I'll be able to swing by and see her at happy hour before I meet up with Mike. MoMo is in the house, and I'm excited.
So wish me luck, and I'll report back tomorrow.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
When It Rains, It Pours...and It's Raining Men
How many more cliches would fit there? Come on, contribute, dear readers!
Let's catch up. Well, Friday night I went home to relax after a busy-ish week, so that was uneventful, though there was delicious Indian food involved. Oh, but a guy who I wasn't so into on OK Cupid sent me a second message, and since I was catching up on my emailing there, I decided to give it a shot. He had asked me to text him, and he wanted to get a drink that night but I said I was staying in, and so we made brunch plans. I liked the idea because it was less sexy than evening plans and I like brunch. So Saturday I met him for a nice outdoor brunch at Brick Cafe, and he was sweet but I wasn't feeling it, especially physically. He didn't really have a chin (or shoulders to speak of), he was only a little taller than me, he left his cloth napkin on the table the entire time, he asked me if the "Proscuitto and Buffalo Mozzerella Panini" meant there was chicken in it (because of the word buffalo), etc. He also was very gung-ho about us going out again, and a bit touchy, and I let him kiss me goodbye with his mushy lips. He was going to visit his mom in NJ to pick pumpkins for the weekend so said he'd text me when he got back yesterday. But then he texted me Saturday afternoon about how much he liked me, and how I was easy to talk to, laugh with, and cute! Nice but sad when you don't like the guy, right? I was considering a second date just to make sure, but now I'm not. Plus, he didn't text me last night so that's good! It's uncomfortable turning men down. I still have this nagging feeling like I should be grateful for their interest, you know? Oh, the perils of being a teen with low self-esteem.
Saturday afternoon I napped for HOURS and it was great, then met up with Schmess for seasonal beers and dinner at Sweet Afton, then we went to Blackbird's for more beers and wings (what?) and it was a fun night but nothing crazy. I made the adult decision to go home from McCaffrey's (our last stop, hi Al) when she did, as opposed to trying to play pool all night. I was proud of myself. Sunday I was on a Mad Men mission, as we have a Time Warner appt on Thursday and they may have to take our cable box, which means the DVR would be gone. I watched nearly all of season 3 and most of what's aired of season 4. Ohhh yeah. Oh, and I'd heard from another OK Cupid guy, let's call him Mars, and he had to work Monday but wanted to get a drink after.
So Monday I e-mail Mars my phone number, so he texts and we make plans. He's living in College Point, Queens for the time being (rent-free at a friend's) but has lived in Astoria and will come back around Christmastime. He parks his car at the 36th Ave stop (my stop!) for work commuting. Anyway, we made plans to meet over at Mad Donkey on 36th Ave. Then I got a mani/pedi/wax, baked chocolate zucchini bread to bring into work today, then got ready for my date. He is super cute (to me) -- tall, bearded, blue eyes, slight tummy, jeans, plaid shirt. He seems quieter and a bit more acerbic than I might like, but we'll see, as it could have been first-date nerves. We had a similar sense of humor and had lots of pop culture stuff in common. He was very gentlemanly with buying the beers and the appetizers, and we just slowly had two beers with food and left around 8:30. He asked if we should head out to try and beat the rain, but it had already started when we walked out, so he said "maybe in the deli..." and walked away only to come back with an umbrella. He was going to walk me home but we realized his car was parked on our way, so we go to the car and he drove me the rest of the blocks. I picked Britney Spears off of his iPod, then he played me Brooks & Dunn while saying he hates country, and he kissed me outside my apartment in the car. I'm the one that broke the kiss because it was GOOD and I needed it to be chaster for now. :) Also he had just been teasing me and I had something to say in return. Anyway, I'd say I 65-70% like him, and I'd definitely go out with him again, but no plans were discussed. SO CUTE THOUGH.
Tonight is dodgeball at mothereffing 9:15 pm, and tomorrow is my Avett Brothers concert at Radio City. Rockabilly told me yesterday he doesn't think it's his style of music, but he wants to go out next week (as he's out of town this weekend.) Did I mention he's a vegan who doesn't want children? I already told him I wouldn't marry him, so at least that's out of the way. We're doing drinks/dinner on Wednesday, but that meant I needed a date for the show. I actually texted Lars (to thank him for a good time, ostensibly) and he was reasonably chatty so I invited him, but he looked them up and ALSO didn't think it was his thing (wtf, guys?) so I asked this other OKC guy I'm chatting with, Hike. Hike's now my date, and we're having dinner beforehand. It's not an ideal first date but whatever, I'm achieving goals.
And for those keeping score, that's:
3.5 dates in one week (if we're counting Wednesday - Wednesday)
3 kisses (so far), 1 good one
0 slutty mistakes
I think it's a good scoreboard. Obviously I don't want to keep up this pace for very long, but it's fun, and it makes me not worry so much about Lars REJECTING ME for the concert but then being vaguely flirty in the texting. (He said he should also do laundry on Wednesday. I said "Oh how sweet, I come second to laundry." We tease like that. He responded "Hmm, do you not want me smelling clean?" That sort of implies I'd be smelling him later, right?)
Well anyway, this is the news. I'm sort of sleepy thinking about it all. How soon can I retire?
Let's catch up. Well, Friday night I went home to relax after a busy-ish week, so that was uneventful, though there was delicious Indian food involved. Oh, but a guy who I wasn't so into on OK Cupid sent me a second message, and since I was catching up on my emailing there, I decided to give it a shot. He had asked me to text him, and he wanted to get a drink that night but I said I was staying in, and so we made brunch plans. I liked the idea because it was less sexy than evening plans and I like brunch. So Saturday I met him for a nice outdoor brunch at Brick Cafe, and he was sweet but I wasn't feeling it, especially physically. He didn't really have a chin (or shoulders to speak of), he was only a little taller than me, he left his cloth napkin on the table the entire time, he asked me if the "Proscuitto and Buffalo Mozzerella Panini" meant there was chicken in it (because of the word buffalo), etc. He also was very gung-ho about us going out again, and a bit touchy, and I let him kiss me goodbye with his mushy lips. He was going to visit his mom in NJ to pick pumpkins for the weekend so said he'd text me when he got back yesterday. But then he texted me Saturday afternoon about how much he liked me, and how I was easy to talk to, laugh with, and cute! Nice but sad when you don't like the guy, right? I was considering a second date just to make sure, but now I'm not. Plus, he didn't text me last night so that's good! It's uncomfortable turning men down. I still have this nagging feeling like I should be grateful for their interest, you know? Oh, the perils of being a teen with low self-esteem.
Saturday afternoon I napped for HOURS and it was great, then met up with Schmess for seasonal beers and dinner at Sweet Afton, then we went to Blackbird's for more beers and wings (what?) and it was a fun night but nothing crazy. I made the adult decision to go home from McCaffrey's (our last stop, hi Al) when she did, as opposed to trying to play pool all night. I was proud of myself. Sunday I was on a Mad Men mission, as we have a Time Warner appt on Thursday and they may have to take our cable box, which means the DVR would be gone. I watched nearly all of season 3 and most of what's aired of season 4. Ohhh yeah. Oh, and I'd heard from another OK Cupid guy, let's call him Mars, and he had to work Monday but wanted to get a drink after.
So Monday I e-mail Mars my phone number, so he texts and we make plans. He's living in College Point, Queens for the time being (rent-free at a friend's) but has lived in Astoria and will come back around Christmastime. He parks his car at the 36th Ave stop (my stop!) for work commuting. Anyway, we made plans to meet over at Mad Donkey on 36th Ave. Then I got a mani/pedi/wax, baked chocolate zucchini bread to bring into work today, then got ready for my date. He is super cute (to me) -- tall, bearded, blue eyes, slight tummy, jeans, plaid shirt. He seems quieter and a bit more acerbic than I might like, but we'll see, as it could have been first-date nerves. We had a similar sense of humor and had lots of pop culture stuff in common. He was very gentlemanly with buying the beers and the appetizers, and we just slowly had two beers with food and left around 8:30. He asked if we should head out to try and beat the rain, but it had already started when we walked out, so he said "maybe in the deli..." and walked away only to come back with an umbrella. He was going to walk me home but we realized his car was parked on our way, so we go to the car and he drove me the rest of the blocks. I picked Britney Spears off of his iPod, then he played me Brooks & Dunn while saying he hates country, and he kissed me outside my apartment in the car. I'm the one that broke the kiss because it was GOOD and I needed it to be chaster for now. :) Also he had just been teasing me and I had something to say in return. Anyway, I'd say I 65-70% like him, and I'd definitely go out with him again, but no plans were discussed. SO CUTE THOUGH.
Tonight is dodgeball at mothereffing 9:15 pm, and tomorrow is my Avett Brothers concert at Radio City. Rockabilly told me yesterday he doesn't think it's his style of music, but he wants to go out next week (as he's out of town this weekend.) Did I mention he's a vegan who doesn't want children? I already told him I wouldn't marry him, so at least that's out of the way. We're doing drinks/dinner on Wednesday, but that meant I needed a date for the show. I actually texted Lars (to thank him for a good time, ostensibly) and he was reasonably chatty so I invited him, but he looked them up and ALSO didn't think it was his thing (wtf, guys?) so I asked this other OKC guy I'm chatting with, Hike. Hike's now my date, and we're having dinner beforehand. It's not an ideal first date but whatever, I'm achieving goals.
And for those keeping score, that's:
3.5 dates in one week (if we're counting Wednesday - Wednesday)
3 kisses (so far), 1 good one
0 slutty mistakes
I think it's a good scoreboard. Obviously I don't want to keep up this pace for very long, but it's fun, and it makes me not worry so much about Lars REJECTING ME for the concert but then being vaguely flirty in the texting. (He said he should also do laundry on Wednesday. I said "Oh how sweet, I come second to laundry." We tease like that. He responded "Hmm, do you not want me smelling clean?" That sort of implies I'd be smelling him later, right?)
Well anyway, this is the news. I'm sort of sleepy thinking about it all. How soon can I retire?
Thursday, October 7, 2010
up/down DATE
I didn't want to mention this yesterday, but I have a confession: I am still talking to Sleeve. I "put my foot down" a few times in the past few weeks, as you know, about how nothing was happening and we weren't hanging out. Though obviously I didn't do it very effectively, as sometimes I enjoyed the frequent texting. I guess it made me feel less lonely, and it has been about two months of this fictional text romance.
So he called me on Tuesday night and we talked for awhile. I already knew he was good at being/seeming very sincere in conversation, just not great at the follow-through. He said that he's been treating me poorly and acting like an idiot, and he's been dealing with something that was taking up a lot of his time, and that he now cleared it so he can really prove to me that he's serious about seeing me. I'm not used to a man talking so much about the relational situation, but this guy doesn't stop. So I kept saying that it sounds nice, but I'm just reserving judgement, but I do believe he has good intentions or I wouldn't have taken his phone call. I've been trying to keep him at arms' length, despite his entreaties, and he tells me he understands and he's going to prove himself to me, yada yada yada. So he asks when he can see me, and we decide we'll meet up in Astoria around 8:30 pm last night. He was going to skip his second class, since he's busy Thursday and this was important (or whatever.) He said he'd be in touch yesterday, but that was the plan.
Guess how yesterday went? I didn't hear anything, and to be honest, I'd sort of figured. I did take a shower after I got home from picking up the veggies, but I did NOT proceed with makeup or getting dressed in date clothes or anything. So at 9:30, when I'm snuggled in PJs and watching Cougar Town (shut up), I text him and say What the hell? He responds, and the long and short of it is that a classmate texted him that morning to remind him of a midterm review, which requires him rushing to work to finish things in order to leave in time to make the review and classes, etc. I said that he should have told me, and he said to be honest, he didn't think of it. He also forgot to call his mother as scheduled, and this is one big mama's boy.
Ha, now I'm getting mad again.
So he leaves his class to call me and says he'll come back now and we can go out, and then I'm all "why did you leave?! go back!" and he can't, and I said it was too late for me to go out at 10 on a work night, and he is apologizing up and down and I am angry and upset so I say I want to get off the phone and I hang up. I cool down for awhile, then I text that I'm sorry I hung up so abruptly. (I know I'm in the right, people, but I don't like acting that way.) He says he's on the train and asks if he can some by and we can have a cigarette on the stoop together. I said OK. Frankly, at this point it's been built up way too much and I wanted to see him in person again, JUST TO SEE. So basically he comes over, I let him inside and we sit on my bed and talk and watch the Yankees and drink one beer each. He won't shut up with the apologizing and how he's going to be more thoughtful and it was just such a terrible day and we'll go out properly soon, since he didn't mean for it to be like this, and I get tired of talking about it. He's so adamant that I know he's "for real" and I am willing to admit that I'm exploring the option. And I know that's crazy. Oh, full disclosure, there was a tiny bit of cuddling/hand holding and a chaste kiss goodnight.
Right, so I don't want anyone to jump down my throat here. I realize this is like a minefield and probably not a good idea, but I haven't been able to stop being somewhat interested in him. I can make a pro/con list, but I think basically I like how he talks to me. He's a big, dumb Italian with a heart o' gold (most of the time). He's so direct and open in conversation, and I've never had anyone talk to me like this. I also don't know what the reason is that he wants to sit down and talk to me about (for why it's taken two months to hang out), but he said he wants to tell me, so we'll see. (Since last night was sort of his last-ditch attempt to salvage something, I didn't feel like having more serious discussions.) There are many cons, but for now, it feels kinda OK. And that is all.
So he called me on Tuesday night and we talked for awhile. I already knew he was good at being/seeming very sincere in conversation, just not great at the follow-through. He said that he's been treating me poorly and acting like an idiot, and he's been dealing with something that was taking up a lot of his time, and that he now cleared it so he can really prove to me that he's serious about seeing me. I'm not used to a man talking so much about the relational situation, but this guy doesn't stop. So I kept saying that it sounds nice, but I'm just reserving judgement, but I do believe he has good intentions or I wouldn't have taken his phone call. I've been trying to keep him at arms' length, despite his entreaties, and he tells me he understands and he's going to prove himself to me, yada yada yada. So he asks when he can see me, and we decide we'll meet up in Astoria around 8:30 pm last night. He was going to skip his second class, since he's busy Thursday and this was important (or whatever.) He said he'd be in touch yesterday, but that was the plan.
Guess how yesterday went? I didn't hear anything, and to be honest, I'd sort of figured. I did take a shower after I got home from picking up the veggies, but I did NOT proceed with makeup or getting dressed in date clothes or anything. So at 9:30, when I'm snuggled in PJs and watching Cougar Town (shut up), I text him and say What the hell? He responds, and the long and short of it is that a classmate texted him that morning to remind him of a midterm review, which requires him rushing to work to finish things in order to leave in time to make the review and classes, etc. I said that he should have told me, and he said to be honest, he didn't think of it. He also forgot to call his mother as scheduled, and this is one big mama's boy.
Ha, now I'm getting mad again.
So he leaves his class to call me and says he'll come back now and we can go out, and then I'm all "why did you leave?! go back!" and he can't, and I said it was too late for me to go out at 10 on a work night, and he is apologizing up and down and I am angry and upset so I say I want to get off the phone and I hang up. I cool down for awhile, then I text that I'm sorry I hung up so abruptly. (I know I'm in the right, people, but I don't like acting that way.) He says he's on the train and asks if he can some by and we can have a cigarette on the stoop together. I said OK. Frankly, at this point it's been built up way too much and I wanted to see him in person again, JUST TO SEE. So basically he comes over, I let him inside and we sit on my bed and talk and watch the Yankees and drink one beer each. He won't shut up with the apologizing and how he's going to be more thoughtful and it was just such a terrible day and we'll go out properly soon, since he didn't mean for it to be like this, and I get tired of talking about it. He's so adamant that I know he's "for real" and I am willing to admit that I'm exploring the option. And I know that's crazy. Oh, full disclosure, there was a tiny bit of cuddling/hand holding and a chaste kiss goodnight.
Right, so I don't want anyone to jump down my throat here. I realize this is like a minefield and probably not a good idea, but I haven't been able to stop being somewhat interested in him. I can make a pro/con list, but I think basically I like how he talks to me. He's a big, dumb Italian with a heart o' gold (most of the time). He's so direct and open in conversation, and I've never had anyone talk to me like this. I also don't know what the reason is that he wants to sit down and talk to me about (for why it's taken two months to hang out), but he said he wants to tell me, so we'll see. (Since last night was sort of his last-ditch attempt to salvage something, I didn't feel like having more serious discussions.) There are many cons, but for now, it feels kinda OK. And that is all.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Fishing in the Wrong Pond
Friends! Romans! Countrymen!
I've been avoiding you, I'm sorry. I haven't been ready for the necessary amount of reflection to post here, which is silly, but my brain wants to be a hermit sometimes lately. I think I've been a little sad and lonely and lethargic, and I was having some strange stomach pains that were helping me feel like DYING, but I think they've gotten better. I probably can't allow myself as much cheating on how I should be eating with Crohn's. Suck.
So the weekend. Friday I was home from work with a weird side pain that had gotten worse since Wednesday. But Thursday night it had gotten really steady and dull (as opposed to just sharp when I coughed/laughed/laid on it) and I also had a near-pass out at home. I'm glad the roomie was there, as I sort of zombie walked into the living room, feeling like I was about to lose it (with the ringing ears, sweats, nausea symptoms) and she freaked out about what color I was and ended her phone convo to get me water and watch me try to stay conscious for a bit. It went away after about 15 minutes, but she put me in bed and took my temperature and it was very nice to have a nurse. And she actually called a nurse friend of hers to explain my pain and that reaction and see if we should go to the ER...but the nurse said if I didn't have a fever, I could probably wait until the morning. So I saw the doc Friday morning, and she sort of laughed at me for thinking I might have a hernia (I don't know) and also didn't explain the fainting, but said to eat a bland diet and rest. So after the doctor, I did some work from home while propped on pillows on my bed, then made two different zucchini soups (well, a lentil soup recipe from Schmillie with bonus zuc) and a chocolate zucchini bread. It was fun and productive but it took all afternoon. At night I was pretty exhuasted, so in lieu of meeting Schmess and her sister for dinner, I watched Mad Men and then went to bed.
Saturday I felt pretty normal so I took advantage of the weather and weeded out our front garden plot. It looks great, and I think my favorite part is trimming hedges. Then I got cleaned up (and trimmed my own hedges, heh) and went over to Schmeather's to meet she and Shmannon for some hanging out/beer/falafel pitas, then we went out to Sunswick (where I had two pumpkin beers that were 9% abv...you know where this is going) and then Mad Donkey (another Astoria bar), and then I decided to head into the city to go to a friend's 40th bday party (my old friend from dodgeball...that i hooked up with years ago) and so I saw some of the old crew there, and we played pool (it was at Amsterdam Billiards) and it was nice. Roomie was there with a friend, but I was mingling so I didn't get over-roomied. I also met this rockabilly-type guy and asked him to be my date for the Avett Bros concert next week -- what? Now I'm not sure if I really want him to, but I have his number and we texted a little that night. Anyway, I left the party and was trying to meet back up with Schmannon and Schmeather, but Schmeath had picked up an Austrian and Schmannon had picked up a guy she hooked up with last week, and then Al texted me and wanted to play pool, so I went to meet Al and play pool. It was fun, but man, guys are disgusting. Not Al, but all other men, really. My cabdriver (who was just nice and not sexual) asked me on a date before dropping me off (I SAID NO) and then the other guys at the dive bar just felt it was OK to make creepy comments to me, so that's awesome. Al kept saying to tell him if someone was causing a problem, but it's not like I actually wanted anyone to fight, I was just getting annoyed at men in general. I know, not fair, but it was a bad run of creepers. Anyway, pool, Al being mushy and in love with me, a bit of bar cuddling/kissing, then he we walked me home and made me have a relationship conversation (it's so weird being on the other end of this) where I said as little as possible but apologized for hurting his feelings. Though now I remember he was also being very sexually complimentary and I won't disturb you with what he said, but lord, I feel weird having my vagina complimented in a bar. AMIRIGHT? And then bed at 4 am.
Sunday I was hungover and watched more Mad Men and Kick-Ass in bed and ordered Chinese and that's about it. At least I felt productive up until then, but I no longer wish to deal with hangovers in any other way but total laziness. Schmannon and Schmeather were back out and wanted me to come, but I couldn't imagine. Also I was super sore from weeding, so that's it.
And then Monday brought a rainy cold day and another tummy ache, so it was home after work and right into pj's and a Veronica Mars marathon. Last night I had dodgeball, which was frustrating, as half of my team doesn't try very hard and no one wanted to go out afterwards. Actually, that part was OK, as I was home and am not hungover today, just sleepy from staying up too late on the phone. But my team is annoying, except for the three friends (two from kickball), and two of them were out of town and the third, engaged friend's FIANCE was there. Lameballs.
So today my spirits are up but my eyelids are droopy, and so let's hope it goes quickly at work. Let's also try to figure out what I need to change so that I don't want to run away to a farm somewhere.
I've been avoiding you, I'm sorry. I haven't been ready for the necessary amount of reflection to post here, which is silly, but my brain wants to be a hermit sometimes lately. I think I've been a little sad and lonely and lethargic, and I was having some strange stomach pains that were helping me feel like DYING, but I think they've gotten better. I probably can't allow myself as much cheating on how I should be eating with Crohn's. Suck.
So the weekend. Friday I was home from work with a weird side pain that had gotten worse since Wednesday. But Thursday night it had gotten really steady and dull (as opposed to just sharp when I coughed/laughed/laid on it) and I also had a near-pass out at home. I'm glad the roomie was there, as I sort of zombie walked into the living room, feeling like I was about to lose it (with the ringing ears, sweats, nausea symptoms) and she freaked out about what color I was and ended her phone convo to get me water and watch me try to stay conscious for a bit. It went away after about 15 minutes, but she put me in bed and took my temperature and it was very nice to have a nurse. And she actually called a nurse friend of hers to explain my pain and that reaction and see if we should go to the ER...but the nurse said if I didn't have a fever, I could probably wait until the morning. So I saw the doc Friday morning, and she sort of laughed at me for thinking I might have a hernia (I don't know) and also didn't explain the fainting, but said to eat a bland diet and rest. So after the doctor, I did some work from home while propped on pillows on my bed, then made two different zucchini soups (well, a lentil soup recipe from Schmillie with bonus zuc) and a chocolate zucchini bread. It was fun and productive but it took all afternoon. At night I was pretty exhuasted, so in lieu of meeting Schmess and her sister for dinner, I watched Mad Men and then went to bed.
Saturday I felt pretty normal so I took advantage of the weather and weeded out our front garden plot. It looks great, and I think my favorite part is trimming hedges. Then I got cleaned up (and trimmed my own hedges, heh) and went over to Schmeather's to meet she and Shmannon for some hanging out/beer/falafel pitas, then we went out to Sunswick (where I had two pumpkin beers that were 9% abv...you know where this is going) and then Mad Donkey (another Astoria bar), and then I decided to head into the city to go to a friend's 40th bday party (my old friend from dodgeball...that i hooked up with years ago) and so I saw some of the old crew there, and we played pool (it was at Amsterdam Billiards) and it was nice. Roomie was there with a friend, but I was mingling so I didn't get over-roomied. I also met this rockabilly-type guy and asked him to be my date for the Avett Bros concert next week -- what? Now I'm not sure if I really want him to, but I have his number and we texted a little that night. Anyway, I left the party and was trying to meet back up with Schmannon and Schmeather, but Schmeath had picked up an Austrian and Schmannon had picked up a guy she hooked up with last week, and then Al texted me and wanted to play pool, so I went to meet Al and play pool. It was fun, but man, guys are disgusting. Not Al, but all other men, really. My cabdriver (who was just nice and not sexual) asked me on a date before dropping me off (I SAID NO) and then the other guys at the dive bar just felt it was OK to make creepy comments to me, so that's awesome. Al kept saying to tell him if someone was causing a problem, but it's not like I actually wanted anyone to fight, I was just getting annoyed at men in general. I know, not fair, but it was a bad run of creepers. Anyway, pool, Al being mushy and in love with me, a bit of bar cuddling/kissing, then he we walked me home and made me have a relationship conversation (it's so weird being on the other end of this) where I said as little as possible but apologized for hurting his feelings. Though now I remember he was also being very sexually complimentary and I won't disturb you with what he said, but lord, I feel weird having my vagina complimented in a bar. AMIRIGHT? And then bed at 4 am.
Sunday I was hungover and watched more Mad Men and Kick-Ass in bed and ordered Chinese and that's about it. At least I felt productive up until then, but I no longer wish to deal with hangovers in any other way but total laziness. Schmannon and Schmeather were back out and wanted me to come, but I couldn't imagine. Also I was super sore from weeding, so that's it.
And then Monday brought a rainy cold day and another tummy ache, so it was home after work and right into pj's and a Veronica Mars marathon. Last night I had dodgeball, which was frustrating, as half of my team doesn't try very hard and no one wanted to go out afterwards. Actually, that part was OK, as I was home and am not hungover today, just sleepy from staying up too late on the phone. But my team is annoying, except for the three friends (two from kickball), and two of them were out of town and the third, engaged friend's FIANCE was there. Lameballs.
So today my spirits are up but my eyelids are droopy, and so let's hope it goes quickly at work. Let's also try to figure out what I need to change so that I don't want to run away to a farm somewhere.
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