Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Sedatives, Please

Oyyy I think someone slipped me some caffeine last night.  I couldn't sleep until after 1:00 am, which is way too late for this little princess.  My eyes are tired and sore today, and to top it off, I forgot to bring my eyeliner, so I look rather dead.  Today is going to be rough.  I was just up worrying about the gamut of things I could possibly fret about, and my brain would not slow down.  It's so aggravating.

So today!  I have dodgeball late, at 8:20, so I may be able to get a nap in beforehand.  I'm also tentatively Skyping with Britch, but I can have it all, right?  ANNNDDD in sad news for Britch but happy news for me, she has to come back to the States for awhile until she can get her Visa in order to live in London and get her PhD, so that means she'll be in Ohio at Christmas and I can finally SEE HER.  It's been a year, I think, which is the longest we've ever been apart.  *Sniff*  And I can meet her sexy Scottish boyfriend when he visits for the holidays, too.  Amazing.

My haircut last night was lovely, and on the way to the salon I walked through Madison Square Park to check out the doggies (aw) and then through Eataly, which wasn't so crowded on a Monday evening and was very interesting!  It's a little overwhelming, but not as crazy as I'd pictured from reading about it, and I'm glad I saw the whole Italian market mall in person.  Hike and I were texting, and I mentioned where I was, and he said he was just going to check it out too, on his way to an open house (for an MBA program at Baruch), but he ran out of time.  Otherwise we would've run into each other (or not, as that place is large.)  How romantic comedy that would have been!  We have so much in common. 

Then after a battle with the MTA that resulted in my finally hailing a cab at 63rd and Lex after being underground for almost an hour, I ate dinner, watched HIMYM, then read more of my freelance project.

I was thinking about this as I lay awake for hours last night, and I have such a romantic pattern ingrained in me -- that of pursuit, of always needing more attention/affection, of chasing.  And to be really psychoanalytical about it, I know it can be traced back to my childhood.  I had very loving parents, don't get me wrong, but I had a very busy Dad who had to be away from the house a lot for work all day and then again for meetings after dinner at home with the family.  I never felt unloved, but I definitely felt like he wasn't around and I wanted to see him a lot more.  But then when he was, it was so special and exciting -- and sometimes we'd go roller skating!  So basically I formed this pattern of drought then flood, in terms of love or time spent together, which is one of my main "love languages." 

I'm not trying to be creepy about this, just aware of why my brain both loves and hates unavailable men.  And why I sometimes get cranky about this one that is super-available.  I'm also not complaining -- I feel very lucky to have met Hike and to have his attention so readily.  So now I have to make sure to appreciate what I have and to relax when I feel like we're talking too much and we have nothing to say.

Anyway, those are my deep thoughts for today.  I don't even want to get into my inferiority complex at work, which is another topic that I worked to death in my brain last night.  (Along with panic about the possibility of having a boyfriend, fear that I'm still hung up on Mex, nerves about mixing my two worlds this weekend, etc.)  Maybe some other time -- aren't you excited? 

OH, but I read in an astrology guide that people born on my birthday are destined to be worriers.  So it's not my fault.

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