Friday, September 3, 2010

The Doldrums

So I actually have time to say hello WHILE I'M AT WORK, but sadly, not a ton to say.  This week has been very quiet and a bit lonely but not in a terrible way.  Schmate was telling me recently that she gets bored if she's alone for any significant period of time, and I realized being home alone with no possibility of the roommate returning soon is very different than stolen alone time with the threat of a roommate at any minute.  I'm getting a little bored, if we're being honest here.  But I managed to wrestle up (that's not spelled right, iis it?  What's that expression?) Sunday and Monday plans that I'm very much looking forward to, and who knows what'll come up between now and then?  If nothing else, I can ride out the storm (which is probably not going to be very exciting) with movies in my bed, which is a very pleasurable thing.

I kept up the icy treatment of Smee for about a day and a half, and honestly, if you know me at all, you know it was more like a cooling fan treatment than icy.  We're not back to after-work communication or anything, but I sort of understand his reaction and am pretty much fine with it.  It's really odd, but I feel like we sort of have an understanding even though we haven't talked about it...which may be all in my head, but I just know he's very career-oriented and sensitive to the rules and he likes me but can't really do anything about it.  I think that's the case, anyway.  We'll see, but I'm not really worried about it.  He came by just now to say goodbye, since he's leaving a bit early today, and we talked about our weekend plans again, and I was saying that the bar crawl I'm crashing on Monday (well, Schmannon invited me) is in Astoria, and should be fun.  He said that he's still never been to Astoria, and I said you should visit sometime, it's nice, and he kind of moved on, but these are situations where I'd want to invite him but I feel like I shouldn't.  I feel like he's sort of hinting, too, but that might be in my head.  I guess being patient has paid off thus far, so I should continue, RIGHT?  (I think this whole paragraph is really manic, actually, now that I re-read it.  Whatever, welcome to my brain.)

OH, and yesterday when I was leaving, we talked for awhile while I stood in his door, and he mentioned that after his mom died, no one was home to know if he got detention at school (the conversation was about detention initially), and I said I didn't know his mom had died, AND OMG, he told me that his mom and younger sister were killed in a car crash when he was 15, his grandma was severely injured and spent months in the hospital, and he walked away with some cuts but that's it.  They were all in the car.  It's SO SAD.  And then his dad died in the early 2000s from a broken heart and drinking himself to death.  Good Lord.  And he was totally fine telling me this but I was starting to get emotional (no tears though), and he's all "I'm sorry, I thought you knew" and I was like "Don't be sorry!  But God!"  He talked about how he feels like he dealt with it pretty well and he knows it's cliche, but it's made him stronger, etc.  I was just totally impressed with the contrast to Mex, honestly.  I gave Mex a whole lot of leeway because I figured his parents' divorce when he was young had screwed him up pretty well, but look at how Smee came through something even more traumatic (though I know that's a relative scale) and put effort in to overcome it and deal with the issues around it.  I'm simplifying the issue, but basically I admire his attitude towards it and it made me even more aware of what sort of man I want in my life. 

And scene.  I'm about to bounce, but I wish you all a very wonderful long weekend!  I should have some stories next week if all goes as I expect...

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