So a few updates on the men in my life…ha. Maybe then men in my peripheral vision is a better way of putting that…?
I texted with Sleeve a bit on Friday night, while drinking Nancies and feeling saucy. He was flirty, calling me “f*cking cute” and telling me he thinks about me constantly, which is laying it on a bit thick… but it’s nice to hear/read. But nothing since then, so I wonder if it’s tapered off. It’s amusing for what it is, but that’s not much. And because I have such faith in men lately, I sort of wonder if he’s got a girlfriend. I know the night I met him, his friends were teasing him about some girl, but it seemed like it was an ex. Still, in hindsight, I don’t really know. I won’t be too upset if he disappears, as I’m not too into him anyway, but I will miss someone sending me sweet nothings.
AND THEN, so Smee and I have this flirty friendly thing going, but as I’ve said all along, it’s never clearly crossed the friendship line which made it safe and still fun. I mean, you know I’m mostly into him, but I also have my hesitations and it was again nice to not have anything to decide or figure out, just enjoy. Especially as just this past weekend I was talking about how it had cooled off a bit recently…which was fine.
ANYWAY, yesterday was the usual, some convos, he comes by to ask me how Boston was, I yammered to him about something later, he comes to get me to eat lunch with them in the conference room (because the guys all go buy something, and I pack, so when they get back he comes to tell me they’re back so I can come eat with them), etc. At lunch he was telling me how some guy who was in the office on Friday afternoon (who used to rent space there and was clearing some stuff out) had given Smee a Frisbee from the second Charlie’s Angels movie…to which I reply “Full Throttle?” and then smacked my forehead. We laughed about how I actually know the name of it, even though I never saw it. And then the conversation moves on.
I go to the bank in the afternoon, as usual, and when I’m back, the Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle Frisbee is on my desk. It was cute, and timely, as I had just seen a homeless guy covered in his own puke on the sidewalk and could use something funny. So I go to his doorway (where I often stand when we chat as I pass by), and smile knowingly, and he smiles, and it’s cute, and then his expression changes and he says “Oh, but it doesn’t mean anything…” and I was confused and said “What?!” and he was sort of stumbling over his words (and I’m sure my very expressive face looked sort of horrified) and he said, “Well, I just value our friendship so I wouldn’t…” and I was like “WHAT?!” and then he said nevermind, and I gave him a look like he was crazy, and then I said “I thought it was nice…and I needed that after [homeless guy puke story].” I was trying to change the subject as quickly as possible…and he was bright red. That was it, the conversation trailed off, I walked away, but as I was turning, said “Oh, and I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and then gave a flirty smile over my shoulder. UM, WHAT? I know my reaction was weird, but it was even weirder that he said that AFTER GIVING ME A FRISBEE. I mean, come on! Oh, and then he needed my help with the postage meter about 20 minutes later, and we awkwardly pretended nothing had happened.
I initially felt rejected and angry, because how/why could he give me a “let her down easy” speech after putting a damn Frisbee on my desk? Did he think I was somehow being inappropriate? Did I misread the situation? But I didn’t even do anything yesterday! I did send him a link to Lazy Sunday as he had never seen it, but that’s not exactly a proposition. I was very sure we were both on the same page, and frankly, I still am. So my poor friends had to let me work through this verbally last night when we went to the (hot, fun) Yankee game (thanks guys!), and their opinions were varied, but basically they thought he was freaked out and I should just act normal and NOT try to clear the air (because you know I want that), but they’re right. I also wondered later on if perhaps he was so freaked out himself that he sort of went to the opposite, defensive place, and maybe it wasn’t as negative about me as it seemed. I realize I sound like I’m rationalizing, but it doesn’t make sense, especially after today. I was pretty cold towards him, just skipping any social interaction and when he got me for lunch (like normal) I just said “Oh, ok!” and didn’t smile or anything. Yes, that sounds like things boys don’t notice, but he noticed. At lunch I sat far away from him (as opposed to across, like I usually do) and he watched me all lunch. Normally he does that and we make lots of eye contact with special smiles, but today that only happened once because I accidentally looked at him and he beamed at me. I told my paralegal friend there about it, and she thought he was acting like he felt like a dick, and he kept wanting my attention and would look to see if I was watching while telling any story or whatever. Yes, she may just be being a good girlfriend, but I know he was watching me. I’m not crazy, internet!
Basically it was a totally strange way to bring up the topic, but at least he’s the one that brought it up and I can play it cool right now. I’m still not sure what it means about what he’s thinking, but it’s not really my problem, I guess. It seems he’s not sure what he’s thinking, either, but I’m going to (for once in my life) sit back and not worry about the implications of it all. I guess my worst-case scenario was that he thought I was in puppy love with him and he needed to give me a talking-to, but I really don’t think that’s the case. My job is to look HOTT at work and see what/if anything happens.