Wow, again, keeping up with this is getting difficult! But hey, I'm back to being a little slow at work again, and there are so many things to talk about. Get ready, world.
Let's do major topic summaries, shall we?
Love: Things are pretty good! Hike and I are still learning how to fight, but it's getting better, and we really only have big ones when we're both tired at the same time and short on patience. It's new to me that he feels I get cold and distant in an argument, because I never would have thought of myself that way, but I admit that it's true that I want to win at any cost, plus I want to protect myself, so I sort of get really rational and act superior. I'm working on that. He, of course, gets angry and irrational and I hate that, so it's a process. Surprisingly (or not), he responds better when I just yell whatever I'm thinking (i.e. "You're being retarded and I don't understand why!") -- he'll get calm again. We obviously come from different fighting camps, and it's an interesting process.
But in BIG LOVE NEWS (or whatever), we signed a lease together! I was feeling ready to leave my roommate situation and soon, so we started looking in late January for March 1. There are not a lot of options for March 1 that early, but we saw a few and really liked one of them, so we moved quickly. It was actually supposed to be a Feb 15 move-in, and we were asking the owner if we could delay, but turns out the current tenants' move-out got delayed so March 1 was perfect. It's still in Astoria, but on a different subway stop (the one where I wanted to be) and less than a 3 minute walk to the train. It's on an avenue, so it's a busier section, but the apartment is cute and laid out really nicely, with a separate eat-in kitchen and a linen closet. Also only one clothes closet in the living room, but hey, that's NY. We'll just buy an Ikea wardrobe. So the plan is that I'll move March 3 (Saturday) and he'll join me probably June 1, when the Spring semester of school (his MBA) is finished. He can't really handle doing it during school, both time-wise and stress-wise. I like it because I can sort of experience living alone for awhile (even though he'll be around quite a bit) before I never do again (in theory, at least.) I'm currently going crazy with online ordering of things like shower curtains, kitchen tools, etc., but it's fun. I've also just started packing books and things, and after this weekend, I'll really get down to it. I can't wait to set up a place just how I want it, without someone moving my shampoo because she thinks there's a better spot for it or whatever. I'll be FREEEEEEE.
Oh, and this weekend we're going away to Cornwall, PA for a B&B celebration of Valentine's Day. Yesterday Hike had a dozen roses and chocolate delivered to me at work, then we had a nice dinner and he gave me a book about Downton Abbey. :) We did get into a small disagreement at the end of dinner because I wanted to talk about how it hurts me when he keeps telling me our engagement timeline and then changing it, and I thought we could handle talking about it positively and without a problem, but then he lost his patience and said I wouldn't let it go. I said he should practice active listening so I know he understands. Anyway, we resolved it rather quickly but WHY CAN WE NOT CELEBRATE SOMETHING WITHOUT HAVING AN ISSUE? Also, related, why can I not talk about what's on my mind all the time? Blahhhhh but it's all fine now. He understands and said it won't happen again. Whatever, I just want it to be an exciting topic and not such a crappy one. It's not that I'm saying "propose now!" I'm just saying "stop pushing it back four times please." That doesn't make me feel very desired. Despite your promises to the contrary.
So...oh right, so I changed my mind on the "I want to be engaged before we live together," because it was adding so much pressure and deadliney-feelings to the whole thing. Also, I'm sort of OK not being engaged yet. I feel like I want to work some of our communication issues out first. And obviously it's not really a fun topic right now anyway, so I just want to ease off of that. One thing at a time. He thinks the summer will be a good time for him to get it together with proposing, so we'll see what happens. I'm fine with waiting right now. And scene.
Weight: I'm casually doing Weight Watchers, and I also made some big changes to my "everyday" meals. No more cereal for breakfast, and instead I'm having one hard-boiled egg and some cottage cheese with fruit. I am also eating almonds instead of granola/Special K bars. I was feeling like I wanted to cut out some of the processed carbs, and it (along with fewer splurges) has made a bit of difference. I'm down around 5 lbs, give or take, but it's going very slowly. I feel like part of it is the "turning 30" curse, and most of it is my social eating and sweet tooth temptations. Still, it's a journey and it's going OK. I read a book called "The Petite Advantage" which had some good information about weight and health for petite ladies, and one thing I liked is that the author was very anti-cardio. He says you should move as much as possible, but long cardio stretches really only cause you to hunch over, hurt your body and eat more afterwards. He's big on strength training because of the long, lean muscles and the longer caloric afterburn. So I bought some over-the-door "gravity straps" and want to do his strength-training plan, but I've only done it about once so far (in the past month.) It seems like the nights where I have time, I just feel so exhausted when I get home. Or I am doing moving stuff or Hike stuff or whatever. Part of that is the winter laziness, and part is lack of motivation. Oh, and being ill, which I'll get to shortly. But I know it'll come along, and I'm not giving up on it. Plus, it's cheaper than a gym membership. I'm also taking Vitamin D supplements now because those are supposed to help me not want to be in bed all day, every day in the winter. We'll see, it's only been a week on those.
Health: I've had a reoccuring case of pink eye this winter. I have never had it in my LIFE, and have no idea where it came from this time, but it started about January 9. I went to the doctor, got on eye drops, went back for a follow-up a week later, she said it's better and I can wean off the drops, and then the following week I'd wake up with it again. This has happened twice more since the first appearance. Finally the doctor sent me to a specialist, who I like better but basically just added more medicine (an ointment I have to put ON MY EYEBALLS before bed). I saw her today for my follow-up and she says I'm better, and she's going to wean me off medicine, and she still wants to see me again in three weeks. So this time I won't take any risks with eye creams or concealer (the last doctor told me I could just wipe off the top of the pot, but NEVER AGAIN) and I'm using washcloths for only one day, etc. Obviously I've been through about four mascaras, though it's usually only that last weekend before the re-appearance that I've used any makeup. I'm tired of looking like I have the Spanish flu!
I think that hits all of the recent news. I'll try to be better about posting, and shorter, for those who don't feel like reading a book. I'm just so LETHARGIC with this stupid winter. I need a snowstorm to perk me up!
Showing posts with label fighting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fighting. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Monday, June 13, 2011
Monday the 13th: No New Blood
Wow, I had to go on Wikipedia to look at all the Friday movie titles for that joke, so I'm pretty sure NO ONE will get it. I barely do.
So today marks eight months since my first date with Hike, and it's a sweet feeling. Of course I'll be celebrating by having happy hour drinks with my Harpies, since I mean, we spent all weekend together already, but it's a nice milestone!
The weekend was nice and relaxing for the most part. Friday night I went home, talked to Britch for a bit, hit the gym, then picked up around the house, made a yummy dinner (TJ's butternut squash triangioli with a squash/walnut/apple sauce I invented) and watched Netflix stuff until Hike was done with his all-boys steakhouse night and came home to me. He was a bit tipsy after some martinis, and it was fun to see him like that since he only rarely drinks that much.
Saturday we woke up and watched The Green Hornet with breakfast in bed, and then somehow the whole day moved quickly while we were being lazy, until we split up for two hours to get cleaned up. Then he picked me up for a Bareburger dinner and to see The Hangover. It was really funny! I know everyone says it's no different than the first one, but who cares, it's still amusing. We got into a stupid argument that started when he didn't put the armrest down to cuddle and I said something pointed and it just sort of went downhill from there. It was stupid, but we talked about it later when we got home and it did enable us to have a very honest and good conversation about some sensitive issues. Then we played our video game for awhile, then went to sleep.
Of course in the morning, I woke up swinging, as he was up before me and decided to put on some UFC fight he'd DVRed and I woke up (unhappily) to that noise. I threw a mini-fit because I just wanted more SLEEP, but whatever, it was fine after awhile. Then we played more of our video game, then I napped while he watched the Mets, and then we headed out to try Five Guys' Burgers (yum!) and do a Trader Joe's run. He'd never really shopped in one, and I was nervous (like when your friend meets your boyfriend, you know?) because I love it so much, and it was really crowded but he liked the food options (he's a health nut) and we got a good cartful of stuff. It's fun since almost half of what I buy is for both of us anyway, so it was nice to have his opinion, too.
And I was home at 6 for a night of settling in at home and watching A Bronx Tale (which was my homework assigment from my Italian Stallion). I talked to my mom for awhile, too, and it was a very relaxing end to the weekend.
ALSO, my last two bites have shown up at the beginning of the past two weeks (first on Tuesday after Labor Day, the next last Monday) so my new theories are that I either got them at Hike's (after a 36-hour delay period) or they were on the little sweaters I wear to work that are all stored in the same drawer at home. So I slept in long sleeves all weekend, I sprayed my natural oil sprays on the beds, and I didn't wear a little sweater today (though I brought one in case I got really cold.) So far, no bite. I HOPE HOPE HOPE we've cracked this case, friends. If I can go another week without one, I'll start laying off the precautions one by one to try to determine the cause. And no, that doctor's office never called me about setting up an appointment but my arm started clearing up really well with the Benedryl spray last week and is now totally fine, with just some residual discoloration.
Otherwise, I ate rather well this weekend (two burgers, I know, but one was bison, I didn't have fries with them and they were both topped with healthy things), I felt better about my body after going to the gym twice last week plus walking four miles to softball on Wednesday, and I feel good about my relationship and its future, if we could just stop this damn bickering. Does everyone do this? Help.
OHHH and I forgot the big news -- Hike heard on Friday that he was accepted into grad school for his MBA! Just when I was bugging him to fill out the application for a safety school. So that is good news for him and us and the future, but it'll be a tough four (?) years as far as time management, since he'll work full-time (at least for now) and have school two nights a week. But I want to support him and make it easier for him, and I hope I can be patient. This means we'll be able to better figure out how and when our relationship will grow over the next few years. It also means he won't be able to come to Scotland with me for Britch's wedding, but I knew that was a possibility. I'm disappointed in the short-term, but it's for the best. And it'll be cheaper if only one of us is going, too -- only $2,000 instead of more. So it's good news! Also scary, but good, right?
Happy Sleepy Mondays, everyone.
So today marks eight months since my first date with Hike, and it's a sweet feeling. Of course I'll be celebrating by having happy hour drinks with my Harpies, since I mean, we spent all weekend together already, but it's a nice milestone!
The weekend was nice and relaxing for the most part. Friday night I went home, talked to Britch for a bit, hit the gym, then picked up around the house, made a yummy dinner (TJ's butternut squash triangioli with a squash/walnut/apple sauce I invented) and watched Netflix stuff until Hike was done with his all-boys steakhouse night and came home to me. He was a bit tipsy after some martinis, and it was fun to see him like that since he only rarely drinks that much.
Saturday we woke up and watched The Green Hornet with breakfast in bed, and then somehow the whole day moved quickly while we were being lazy, until we split up for two hours to get cleaned up. Then he picked me up for a Bareburger dinner and to see The Hangover. It was really funny! I know everyone says it's no different than the first one, but who cares, it's still amusing. We got into a stupid argument that started when he didn't put the armrest down to cuddle and I said something pointed and it just sort of went downhill from there. It was stupid, but we talked about it later when we got home and it did enable us to have a very honest and good conversation about some sensitive issues. Then we played our video game for awhile, then went to sleep.
Of course in the morning, I woke up swinging, as he was up before me and decided to put on some UFC fight he'd DVRed and I woke up (unhappily) to that noise. I threw a mini-fit because I just wanted more SLEEP, but whatever, it was fine after awhile. Then we played more of our video game, then I napped while he watched the Mets, and then we headed out to try Five Guys' Burgers (yum!) and do a Trader Joe's run. He'd never really shopped in one, and I was nervous (like when your friend meets your boyfriend, you know?) because I love it so much, and it was really crowded but he liked the food options (he's a health nut) and we got a good cartful of stuff. It's fun since almost half of what I buy is for both of us anyway, so it was nice to have his opinion, too.
And I was home at 6 for a night of settling in at home and watching A Bronx Tale (which was my homework assigment from my Italian Stallion). I talked to my mom for awhile, too, and it was a very relaxing end to the weekend.
ALSO, my last two bites have shown up at the beginning of the past two weeks (first on Tuesday after Labor Day, the next last Monday) so my new theories are that I either got them at Hike's (after a 36-hour delay period) or they were on the little sweaters I wear to work that are all stored in the same drawer at home. So I slept in long sleeves all weekend, I sprayed my natural oil sprays on the beds, and I didn't wear a little sweater today (though I brought one in case I got really cold.) So far, no bite. I HOPE HOPE HOPE we've cracked this case, friends. If I can go another week without one, I'll start laying off the precautions one by one to try to determine the cause. And no, that doctor's office never called me about setting up an appointment but my arm started clearing up really well with the Benedryl spray last week and is now totally fine, with just some residual discoloration.
Otherwise, I ate rather well this weekend (two burgers, I know, but one was bison, I didn't have fries with them and they were both topped with healthy things), I felt better about my body after going to the gym twice last week plus walking four miles to softball on Wednesday, and I feel good about my relationship and its future, if we could just stop this damn bickering. Does everyone do this? Help.
OHHH and I forgot the big news -- Hike heard on Friday that he was accepted into grad school for his MBA! Just when I was bugging him to fill out the application for a safety school. So that is good news for him and us and the future, but it'll be a tough four (?) years as far as time management, since he'll work full-time (at least for now) and have school two nights a week. But I want to support him and make it easier for him, and I hope I can be patient. This means we'll be able to better figure out how and when our relationship will grow over the next few years. It also means he won't be able to come to Scotland with me for Britch's wedding, but I knew that was a possibility. I'm disappointed in the short-term, but it's for the best. And it'll be cheaper if only one of us is going, too -- only $2,000 instead of more. So it's good news! Also scary, but good, right?
Happy Sleepy Mondays, everyone.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Flyday
It's Friday! And I can barely stay awake! This week was very very long and I didn't go to bed as early as I should have on any night. I need to sleep by 10:30 at least three nights a week, and man, I'm feeling these 11:30 bedtimes now. I just need to make it 1.5 more hours till 5 pm now! Actually, then I can't go home because we're having a preventative exterminator visit, and I also made fun social plans to have happy hour and fondue in Carroll Gardens with Schmillie and co. As much as I hate getting home from Brooklyn at night, I also love the CG and want to live there, so it'll even out. AND then there's the giant bonus of seeing Schmillie. And the exciting risk of eating cheese fondue. Will my stomach explode? Stay tuned.
I'm feeling rather friend-lonely lately, though I know that's a natural aspect of pairing off and settling in at our advanced age, and also everyone is busy this time of year anyway. As long as my friendships are still healthy, I can wait for the QT, but I sometimes worry that I'm being neglectful or absent, and I hope I'm not. Anyway, so I try to reach out when I can, but it'll be nice to have some lady time (ohhh yeah) tonight. And I was able to have some last weekend, too, in the form of a leisurely Saturday drinking brunch with Schmeather and Schmannon in Astoria. I also feel so scheduled lately -- which is not a complaint, but I have less down time than I used to, and you know how mama needs her PJs on the couch nights. For mental health reasons. This week I did lots of laundry (including the bedroom curtains and dust ruffle) on Monday evening, then drove to JFK to pick up Hike from Vegas*, Tuesday I took him out for dinner for his birthday and then we did presents, Wednesday night I had softball and got home after 9, and then last night I had some time to myself and talked to my mom, then made dinner and Hike came over to relax with me. It was nice, but I still feel worn out!
*Um, my man looked pretty smokin' hot when he came back, tanner and in summer-y clothes and a backwards baseball hat. Since we started dating in the fall, I haven't seen him in his summer t-shirts that show off his biceps, and damn. Of course, this made me more concerned about his behavior while he was gone, because I now have some big trust issues, but all seems to be well. It sounds like it was a sausage-fest, and he said he didn't even speak to a girl while there. (Not because of me, they just weren't around any.) And I know he's a good man, but I have been wrong before. Anyway, I could just stare at him for hours, he looks so handsome. I feel lucky.
So yay, weekend again! I can't wait to not set the alarm tomorrow morning -- or Sunday, for that matter. Tomorrow night we're going to dinner with some of Hike's friends to celebrate his birthday more publicly, and then Sunday we may go to his mother's for his family celebration. (And I know what she's getting him, and I can't wait -- it's stuff that's going to make his bedroom a lot more comfortable for me. Because it's about me, of course.)
We've been arguing more this week, but we had a long, painful but productive fight/discussion on Wednesday night. He made a good point, that when we're discussing something and I'm upset with him, I really retreat and put up a wall, and he feels really alone and defenseless/defensive. This made a lot of sense to me, because I know when I feel hurt by something, I retract and protect myself, or try to, as there is already pain and I'm afraid of what's going to come -- like he'll leave me. But that's me not being committed enough or secure enough in the relationship, and I do need to trust him enough to have a productive argument as opposed to "look how wrong you are, and you can't touch me now..." So I am very glad that despite his masculine struggle to express himself sometimes, he pointed that out. I've been reassured (which I do need) that he's not going anywhere, and a fight isn't going to change his mind, and so hopefully I can be less in warrior mode when I feel slighted. I think that's a side effect of being independent for so many years -- I have to protect myself, right? But there should be a point where I trust him to do that, too. Anyway, deep thoughts. Love is challenging, but so worth it.
I suppose that's the life update. My parents are coming next weekend, and I can't wait! We won't have a lot of time, just Thurs eve - Sunday morning, but they haven't come to New York in a couple of years. And on Saturday they'll meet Hike's family, and I can't wait. I think everyone will like each other. I'll let you know how it goes, and whether Grandma Fran starts talking about sex at the brunch table. Here's hoping!
I'm feeling rather friend-lonely lately, though I know that's a natural aspect of pairing off and settling in at our advanced age, and also everyone is busy this time of year anyway. As long as my friendships are still healthy, I can wait for the QT, but I sometimes worry that I'm being neglectful or absent, and I hope I'm not. Anyway, so I try to reach out when I can, but it'll be nice to have some lady time (ohhh yeah) tonight. And I was able to have some last weekend, too, in the form of a leisurely Saturday drinking brunch with Schmeather and Schmannon in Astoria. I also feel so scheduled lately -- which is not a complaint, but I have less down time than I used to, and you know how mama needs her PJs on the couch nights. For mental health reasons. This week I did lots of laundry (including the bedroom curtains and dust ruffle) on Monday evening, then drove to JFK to pick up Hike from Vegas*, Tuesday I took him out for dinner for his birthday and then we did presents, Wednesday night I had softball and got home after 9, and then last night I had some time to myself and talked to my mom, then made dinner and Hike came over to relax with me. It was nice, but I still feel worn out!
*Um, my man looked pretty smokin' hot when he came back, tanner and in summer-y clothes and a backwards baseball hat. Since we started dating in the fall, I haven't seen him in his summer t-shirts that show off his biceps, and damn. Of course, this made me more concerned about his behavior while he was gone, because I now have some big trust issues, but all seems to be well. It sounds like it was a sausage-fest, and he said he didn't even speak to a girl while there. (Not because of me, they just weren't around any.) And I know he's a good man, but I have been wrong before. Anyway, I could just stare at him for hours, he looks so handsome. I feel lucky.
So yay, weekend again! I can't wait to not set the alarm tomorrow morning -- or Sunday, for that matter. Tomorrow night we're going to dinner with some of Hike's friends to celebrate his birthday more publicly, and then Sunday we may go to his mother's for his family celebration. (And I know what she's getting him, and I can't wait -- it's stuff that's going to make his bedroom a lot more comfortable for me. Because it's about me, of course.)
We've been arguing more this week, but we had a long, painful but productive fight/discussion on Wednesday night. He made a good point, that when we're discussing something and I'm upset with him, I really retreat and put up a wall, and he feels really alone and defenseless/defensive. This made a lot of sense to me, because I know when I feel hurt by something, I retract and protect myself, or try to, as there is already pain and I'm afraid of what's going to come -- like he'll leave me. But that's me not being committed enough or secure enough in the relationship, and I do need to trust him enough to have a productive argument as opposed to "look how wrong you are, and you can't touch me now..." So I am very glad that despite his masculine struggle to express himself sometimes, he pointed that out. I've been reassured (which I do need) that he's not going anywhere, and a fight isn't going to change his mind, and so hopefully I can be less in warrior mode when I feel slighted. I think that's a side effect of being independent for so many years -- I have to protect myself, right? But there should be a point where I trust him to do that, too. Anyway, deep thoughts. Love is challenging, but so worth it.
I suppose that's the life update. My parents are coming next weekend, and I can't wait! We won't have a lot of time, just Thurs eve - Sunday morning, but they haven't come to New York in a couple of years. And on Saturday they'll meet Hike's family, and I can't wait. I think everyone will like each other. I'll let you know how it goes, and whether Grandma Fran starts talking about sex at the brunch table. Here's hoping!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
It's a Family Affair
Sometimes I marvel at my luck.
[Tuesday night, 11 pm, pre-sleep chatter]
Hike: Oh, we ordered flowers for [stepmom] for Mother's Day and had the card signed [Brother], [Wife], Hike and Stevie.
Me: Oh? Oh! That's great. Thanks for including me.
Hike: Well, it's from all of us. We're the kids.
As much as I should resist the urge, I can't help but compare this to other relationships, where I've had to fight really hard to meet the parents or feel involved or have my hand held. It still surprises me that it's so easy now, and that I got the same Easter gift from Grandma Fran as the actual grandkids did.
Since Hike and his brother will be flying to Vegas tomorrow for a weekend bachelor party, his poor mother will be without her precious Italian-American sons on Mother's Day. We're driving out east tonight to have dinner there and spend some time with her before he leaves, and we'll bring flowers and a present and he'll sign a mushy card (from both of us, too). I also mailed her a less personal (hi, she isn't really my mom) but still very heartfelt card that she'll get in the mail before Sunday, too. I was debating visiting her on Sunday but decided that would be too weird and I probably should not offer. We'll see if it comes up tonight, but otherwise I think the stuff with Hike is enough.
Oh, and my mom? I mailed her a mushy card with a homemade coupon (shut up) for a manicure when she comes to visit me in a few weeks. I am so excited! Now I just have to decide if I suck it up and sleep on the couch for three nights, or if I make it weird and sleep at Hike's. I haven't broached the subject yet.
It is weird to be more involved and in touch with his family than with mine, but part of that is just how his family operates compared to my own. I am enjoying having these close family relationships, and siblings that are friends, and cousins and grandchildren and big holiday dinners with people coming and going. It's rather new to me, but it's really comforting. I just wish my family lived closer so I could blend the two more. I'm so much looking forward to when his mom meets my parents in a few weeks -- then at least my mom can visualize where I am when I'm an adopted part of someone else's family.
Oh, and before you totally vomit because of how special this all is, I should say that I'm still navigating the calm waters of a stable relationship. I get really upset about any arguing, and I often wonder if I'm making the right choice in my life. I clearly have lost my faith in myself, so I pray a lot but can't tell what the answer is, and any negative signs really throw me for a loop. As Britch reminds me, I'm very black & white, so when Hike and I fight because someone snapped at someone else, and then there was a snap back, and it's all really dumb and just bickering, I still think this means that we're not meant for each other. I want to figure out why we're not being nicer to each other right now (probably we're taking each other for granted, which is why this Las Vegas trip comes at a good time for reminding), but I also want to not jump to the worst possible conclusions when we fight.
Recently someone asked us if we'd had our first fight, and I just laughed.
So yeah, we fight about stupid stuff, and we react similarly (which is to say with some temper), and I want to figure that out and get better at it. I also want to just CHILL OUT, as I feel like I'm on edge a lot lately and as soon as he says something that hits me funny, I forget that I love him and I lash out. I don't take a minute to give him the benefit of the doubt. That is my part of it and I need to get my head in a good place about it.
And that's what I'm thinking about lately. As much as I'll miss him this weekend, I'm very much looking forward to having some alone time. PLUS, I'm getting a facial tomorrow and then going home to relax afterwards, and then Saturday I have a late brunch at MexiQ with my dear lady friends, and then later in the afternoon/evening I'll go to Trader Joe's and hopefully also Target, so I can make good use of Hike's car and the emptier stores on a weekend night. Sunday is unplanned, but I could stand to do some laundry and maybe I'll go to church if I wake up at a good time. It's so wide and open and full of relaxation!
[Tuesday night, 11 pm, pre-sleep chatter]
Hike: Oh, we ordered flowers for [stepmom] for Mother's Day and had the card signed [Brother], [Wife], Hike and Stevie.
Me: Oh? Oh! That's great. Thanks for including me.
Hike: Well, it's from all of us. We're the kids.
As much as I should resist the urge, I can't help but compare this to other relationships, where I've had to fight really hard to meet the parents or feel involved or have my hand held. It still surprises me that it's so easy now, and that I got the same Easter gift from Grandma Fran as the actual grandkids did.
Since Hike and his brother will be flying to Vegas tomorrow for a weekend bachelor party, his poor mother will be without her precious Italian-American sons on Mother's Day. We're driving out east tonight to have dinner there and spend some time with her before he leaves, and we'll bring flowers and a present and he'll sign a mushy card (from both of us, too). I also mailed her a less personal (hi, she isn't really my mom) but still very heartfelt card that she'll get in the mail before Sunday, too. I was debating visiting her on Sunday but decided that would be too weird and I probably should not offer. We'll see if it comes up tonight, but otherwise I think the stuff with Hike is enough.
Oh, and my mom? I mailed her a mushy card with a homemade coupon (shut up) for a manicure when she comes to visit me in a few weeks. I am so excited! Now I just have to decide if I suck it up and sleep on the couch for three nights, or if I make it weird and sleep at Hike's. I haven't broached the subject yet.
It is weird to be more involved and in touch with his family than with mine, but part of that is just how his family operates compared to my own. I am enjoying having these close family relationships, and siblings that are friends, and cousins and grandchildren and big holiday dinners with people coming and going. It's rather new to me, but it's really comforting. I just wish my family lived closer so I could blend the two more. I'm so much looking forward to when his mom meets my parents in a few weeks -- then at least my mom can visualize where I am when I'm an adopted part of someone else's family.
Oh, and before you totally vomit because of how special this all is, I should say that I'm still navigating the calm waters of a stable relationship. I get really upset about any arguing, and I often wonder if I'm making the right choice in my life. I clearly have lost my faith in myself, so I pray a lot but can't tell what the answer is, and any negative signs really throw me for a loop. As Britch reminds me, I'm very black & white, so when Hike and I fight because someone snapped at someone else, and then there was a snap back, and it's all really dumb and just bickering, I still think this means that we're not meant for each other. I want to figure out why we're not being nicer to each other right now (probably we're taking each other for granted, which is why this Las Vegas trip comes at a good time for reminding), but I also want to not jump to the worst possible conclusions when we fight.
Recently someone asked us if we'd had our first fight, and I just laughed.
So yeah, we fight about stupid stuff, and we react similarly (which is to say with some temper), and I want to figure that out and get better at it. I also want to just CHILL OUT, as I feel like I'm on edge a lot lately and as soon as he says something that hits me funny, I forget that I love him and I lash out. I don't take a minute to give him the benefit of the doubt. That is my part of it and I need to get my head in a good place about it.
And that's what I'm thinking about lately. As much as I'll miss him this weekend, I'm very much looking forward to having some alone time. PLUS, I'm getting a facial tomorrow and then going home to relax afterwards, and then Saturday I have a late brunch at MexiQ with my dear lady friends, and then later in the afternoon/evening I'll go to Trader Joe's and hopefully also Target, so I can make good use of Hike's car and the emptier stores on a weekend night. Sunday is unplanned, but I could stand to do some laundry and maybe I'll go to church if I wake up at a good time. It's so wide and open and full of relaxation!
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