Thursday, May 5, 2011

It's a Family Affair

Sometimes I marvel at my luck.

[Tuesday night, 11 pm, pre-sleep chatter]
Hike: Oh, we ordered flowers for [stepmom] for Mother's Day and had the card signed [Brother], [Wife], Hike and Stevie.
Me: Oh? Oh! That's great.  Thanks for including me.
Hike: Well, it's from all of us.  We're the kids.

As much as I should resist the urge, I can't help but compare this to other relationships, where I've had to fight really hard to meet the parents or feel involved or have my hand held.  It still surprises me that it's so easy now, and that I got the same Easter gift from Grandma Fran as the actual grandkids did. 

Since Hike and his brother will be flying to Vegas tomorrow for a weekend bachelor party, his poor mother will be without her precious Italian-American sons on Mother's Day.  We're driving out east tonight to have dinner there and spend some time with her before he leaves, and we'll bring flowers and a present and he'll sign a mushy card (from both of us, too).  I also mailed her a less personal (hi, she isn't really my mom) but still very heartfelt card that she'll get in the mail before Sunday, too.  I was debating visiting her on Sunday but decided that would be too weird and I probably should not offer.  We'll see if it comes up tonight, but otherwise I think the stuff with Hike is enough.

Oh, and my mom?  I mailed her a mushy card with a homemade coupon (shut up) for a manicure when she comes to visit me in a few weeks.  I am so excited!  Now I just have to decide if I suck it up and sleep on the couch for three nights, or if I make it weird and sleep at Hike's.  I haven't broached the subject yet.

It is weird to be more involved and in touch with his family than with mine, but part of that is just how his family operates compared to my own.  I am enjoying having these close family relationships, and siblings that are friends, and cousins and grandchildren and big holiday dinners with people coming and going.  It's rather new to me, but it's really comforting.  I just wish my family lived closer so I could blend the two more.  I'm so much looking forward to when his mom meets my parents in a few weeks -- then at least my mom can visualize where I am when I'm an adopted part of someone else's family.

Oh, and before you totally vomit because of how special this all is, I should say that I'm still navigating the calm waters of a stable relationship.  I get really upset about any arguing, and I often wonder if I'm making the right choice in my life.  I clearly have lost my faith in myself, so I pray a lot but can't tell what the answer is, and any negative signs really throw me for a loop.  As Britch reminds me, I'm very black & white, so when Hike and I fight because someone snapped at someone else, and then there was a snap back, and it's all really dumb and just bickering, I still think this means that we're not meant for each other.  I want to figure out why we're not being nicer to each other right now (probably we're taking each other for granted, which is why this Las Vegas trip comes at a good time for reminding), but I also want to not jump to the worst possible conclusions when we fight.

Recently someone asked us if we'd had our first fight, and I just laughed.

So yeah, we fight about stupid stuff, and we react similarly (which is to say with some temper), and I want to figure that out and get better at it.  I also want to just CHILL OUT, as I feel like I'm on edge a lot lately and as soon as he says something that hits me funny, I forget that I love him and I lash out.  I don't take a minute to give him the benefit of the doubt.  That is my part of it and I need to get my head in a good place about it.

And that's what I'm thinking about lately.  As much as I'll miss him this weekend, I'm very much looking forward to having some alone time.  PLUS, I'm getting a facial tomorrow and then going home to relax afterwards, and then Saturday I have a late brunch at MexiQ with my dear lady friends, and then later in the afternoon/evening I'll go to Trader Joe's and hopefully also Target, so I can make good use of Hike's car and the emptier stores on a weekend night.  Sunday is unplanned, but I could stand to do some laundry and maybe I'll go to church if I wake up at a good time.  It's so wide and open and full of relaxation!

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