Friday, May 13, 2011


It's Friday!  And I can barely stay awake!  This week was very very long and I didn't go to bed as early as I should have on any night.  I need to sleep by 10:30 at least three nights a week, and man, I'm feeling these 11:30 bedtimes now.  I just need to make it 1.5 more hours till 5 pm now!  Actually, then I can't go home because we're having a preventative exterminator visit, and I also made fun social plans to have happy hour and fondue in Carroll Gardens with Schmillie and co.  As much as I hate getting home from Brooklyn at night, I also love the CG and want to live there, so it'll even out.  AND then there's the giant bonus of seeing Schmillie.  And the exciting risk of eating cheese fondue.  Will my stomach explode?  Stay tuned.

I'm feeling rather friend-lonely lately, though I know that's a natural aspect of pairing off and settling in at our advanced age, and also everyone is busy this time of year anyway.  As long as my friendships are still healthy, I can wait for the QT, but I sometimes worry that I'm being neglectful or absent, and I hope I'm not.  Anyway, so I try to reach out when I can, but it'll be nice to have some lady time (ohhh yeah) tonight.  And I was able to have some last weekend, too, in the form of a leisurely Saturday drinking brunch with Schmeather and Schmannon in Astoria.  I also feel so scheduled lately -- which is not a complaint, but I have less down time than I used to, and you know how mama needs her PJs on the couch nights.  For mental health reasons.  This week I did lots of laundry (including the bedroom curtains and dust ruffle) on Monday evening, then drove to JFK to pick up Hike from Vegas*, Tuesday I took him out for dinner for his birthday and then we did presents, Wednesday night I had softball and got home after 9, and then last night I had some time to myself and talked to my mom, then made dinner and Hike came over to relax with me.  It was nice, but I still feel worn out!

*Um, my man looked pretty smokin' hot when he came back, tanner and in summer-y clothes and a backwards baseball hat.  Since we started dating in the fall, I haven't seen him in his summer t-shirts that show off his biceps, and damn.  Of course, this made me more concerned about his behavior while he was gone, because I now have some big trust issues, but all seems to be well.  It sounds like it was a sausage-fest, and he said he didn't even speak to a girl while there.  (Not because of me, they just weren't around any.)  And I know he's a good man, but I have been wrong before.  Anyway, I could just stare at him for hours, he looks so handsome.  I feel lucky.

So yay, weekend again!  I can't wait to not set the alarm tomorrow morning -- or Sunday, for that matter.  Tomorrow night we're going to dinner with some of Hike's friends to celebrate his birthday more publicly, and then Sunday we may go to his mother's for his family celebration.  (And I know what she's getting him, and I can't wait -- it's stuff that's going to make his bedroom a lot more comfortable for me.  Because it's about me, of course.)

We've been arguing more this week, but we had a long, painful but productive fight/discussion on Wednesday night.  He made a good point, that when we're discussing something and I'm upset with him, I really retreat and put up a wall, and he feels really alone and defenseless/defensive.  This made a lot of sense to me, because I know when I feel hurt by something, I retract and protect myself, or try to, as there is already pain and I'm afraid of what's going to come -- like he'll leave me.  But that's me not being committed enough or secure enough in the relationship, and I do need to trust him enough to have a productive argument as opposed to "look how wrong you are, and you can't touch me now..."  So I am very glad that despite his masculine struggle to express himself sometimes, he pointed that out.  I've been reassured (which I do need) that he's not going anywhere, and a fight isn't going to change his mind, and so hopefully I can be less in warrior mode when I feel slighted.  I think that's a side effect of being independent for so many years -- I have to protect myself, right?  But there should be a point where I trust him to do that, too.  Anyway, deep thoughts.  Love is challenging, but so worth it. 

I suppose that's the life update.  My parents are coming next weekend, and I can't wait!  We won't have a lot of time, just Thurs eve - Sunday morning, but they haven't come to New York in a couple of years.  And on Saturday they'll meet Hike's family, and I can't wait.  I think everyone will like each other.  I'll let you know how it goes, and whether Grandma Fran starts talking about sex at the brunch table.  Here's hoping!

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