Sinead O'Rebellion

I'm so unhappy to be at work today that I have not actually done any work.  Take that, The Man.  Instead, I spent the morning doodling around online, filling up a Gap/Piperlime shopping cart, booking a facial appointment for tomorrow*, etc.  Then Schmate came by to see my office, then we headed to The Gap so I could actually try on the pants I wanted to buy, and I ended up buying two pairs of Skinny Jeans (NOT JEGGINGS, wow, but very comfy real jeans), and 2 pairs of "denim leggings" that just look like pants that I can wear to work with boots.  A black pair and a green pair.  Weirdly, I bought my usual 6 ankle in the jeans, but I had to get a 10 in the pants, so...  whatever, screw you, Gap.  Then we had salads at Chop't (I got Tandoori Chicken with a curry vinaigrette -- so good!  Probably full of fat.) 

So now I'm back at my desk, and I emptied my Gap/Piperlime shopping cart of everything but these boots, which were half off and which I think I can pull off, right?  They may go up to my crotch, but I'll fold the tops over if so.

*So once again, my lovely parents gave me a gift certificate to this spa in Astoria for Christmas.  I will be getting the Signature Facial at 6:00 pm tomorrow.  I can't wait, and it worked out well since Hike has plans for the evening and nobody else wants to hang out with me, so I think a night of self-pampering will do me some good and maybe help get me out of my winter funk.  A little bit, at least.  And then Hike can still come over for a slumber party and Fraggle Rock after his man date.  PERFECT.

Last night I made us baked acorn squash stuffed with rice, sausage, raisins, apples, and onions, and seasoned with curry.  It was pretty good, for a sort-of made up recipe, but I found the seasoning to be hit or miss, depending on the bites.  I should probably have seasoned more, but overall I was pleased with the dish and my presentation!  Then we watched The Kids are Alright.  It was also pretty good -- I think after the Oscar nominations, my expectations were raised too high.  I liked it, but it didn't blow me away or anything.  Also SPOILER ALERT I am really hard-pressed to have sympathy for cheaters, even in fiction.  I've always felt this way, but given my more recent experience, it's even more of an issue.  But it was a really good evening, staying cozy inside while the snow raged!  There was even lightening and thunder -- it was a real snowstorm.  Fun until Hike had to dig out his car and drive home at 11 pm.  Ugh.

Well, there's a slim chance we're leaving at 4:00 for a goodbye happy hour for one of my co-workers...and I'm SO HOPING it's true.  I don't want to drink much no matter what, but then I could milk my one beverage (ok, two) and still be home at a reasonable time.  I hate work.  I also hate all those people who "do what they love" -- all right, maybe not the people, but come on.  I think anything that I HAVE to do, I would hate at some point, right?  Like flossing?

Enough rambling for now.  Hope some of you were lucky enough to have a snow day today!

The Winter of our (Dis?)content

Hello muffins.  I hope you're somewhere dry and warm today!  I am, but actually, I wish I'd be sent out in the snow to GO HOME EARLY.  Alas, I think that's unlikely. 

For all of my complaining about needing to hibernate, this week has been rather productive, at least after Monday at work.  Monday evening I was all set to be lazy, but after a brief passive-aggressive e-mail discussion with the roomie, I ended up starting to clean the apartment and then doing the whole thing, including scrubbing, dusting, vacuuming, mopping, etc.  I had anger for energy for awhile, and then it just felt good to get it clean again.  I also then had an excuse to throw all of her clutter crap in her room, which made me feel better.  I will admit that while I'm maybe not the best at keeping things clean (with scrubbings/vacuumings), I'm very good at avoiding clutter, especially in shared spaces.  And she is the opposite, which bugs me quite often.  And me moving her piles o' crap off of needed surfaces doesn't seem to get my point across, so if I have to clean in order to do so, I will.  At least she was so inspired by my efforts when she got home that she put the rest of the her Christmas boxes away in the closet, so now we're really neat & tidy!  For a few days.

Yesterday I again abandoned any exercise plans and did my laundry, and then while putting it away, managed to find some clothes I need to get rid of.  There is more sorting to do, but with half of my dresser drawers broken (due to buying cheap crappy used furniture), I'm really out of storage space so a good parsing of the wardrobe is needed.  I also found some lingerie that had been hiding in my drawers (ha) and tried everything on to determine what I could made good use of, so that was fun.  And I watched Sunday's episode of Downton Abbey.  Is anyone watching this?  Were you also frustrated about the unanswered confession of love?!  Argh.

Oh right, and I'm up 4 pounds, per the scale this morning.  It is bothersome and I feel heavy, but I know I can lose it rather quickly when I get strict about eating again.  I'm not going to go higher, I PROMISE, WORLD.

So tonight Hike is coming over and I'm going to make stuffed squash and a veggie for dinner.  We have squash from our winter CSA, and I'll use up some pantry items (raisins, rice, walnuts, onions) and buy just some sausage and herbs and it should be delish, though it's another thing I've never made before.  Oh well, it can't go that badly, can it?  [knocking on desk...]  Hopefully it won't be too labor-intensive either, as I'm sort of worn out today. 

I just smoked a cigarette, because I wanted to see what it was like again.  It's been since last Friday.  It wasn't too great -- it tastes bad and makes me feel like I can't breath.  I'm sure I'll need to check that again at some point, but I'm basically a non-smoker, right?  And I'm starting my Crest WhiteStrips Professional regimen, which will take up lots of time (30 minutes a day! What?) but hopefully be noticeable and pretty.

Yes, the snow will be piling up all day and into tonight, but I've sort of abandoned hope for a snow day this winter.  I think I missed the biggest, suprisiest storm, and now it's old hat for everyone.  Sad.

And that's the news here.  I wish it were more thrilling, I really do.

Why Am I Here (and Where Am I Going?)

Well, this was one of those snow"storms" where the boss said "Come in if you can do so safely.  If you want to work from home, that's OK."  But yeah, I live in Astoria, not Long Island or New Jersey, so the gd honor code makes me feel like I have to show up!  Argghh.  This morning was productively spent cleaning out my inboxes (work and Gmail) and calling insurance companies or doctors' offices about all sorts of incorrect billing issues.  Stupid health insurance and doctors' offices.  But then a few of us went out to a nice lunch (why do we split it EVENLY when only two of you had BEER?  Not fair.) and now I have my window open because it's as hot as hell in here, but there's some Haiti protest outside that is riling me up and making me even less interested in work.  I just want to GOOOOOO.

I do think I'll leave a little early because I have an overdue library book, and why not walk to the library by 6 pm (when it closes) and then grocery shop instead of going to the gym?  That sounds reasonable, right?  Snow walking is probably even better exercise than regular walking -- kind of like beach walking.

I am happy to unexpectedly have a free night tonight.  I was supposed to be volunteering at our CSA, but the delivery was rescheduled for tomorrow (due to "storm") so now I'm out of it, and the roomie will pick up the veggies tomorrow since I have a Very Gay Date.  A Gayte.  This week's been nice so far, but I still just want to hibernate.  Monday I did my laundry and watched Downton Abbey, then last night Hike came over with leftover Sunday dinner from Grandma, and I made some veggies, and we watched my third cousin Tosh on Comedy Central then snuggled up for some Fraggle Rock and snow watching.  So tonight I'll maybe make another soup after the snow walk, then hibernate some more.

At least the Haitians seem to have ended their yelling.  Now I just have to stay awake at my desk.

OH, so I had one cigarette yesterday and I do feel ashamed, but other than that, I haven't smoked since Sunday night.  It's really getting harder, actually -- though when I smoked that one, it wasn't so special.  It didn't taste great or anything, and it made me feel like a failure.  And otherwise I've been feeling pretty proud of myself, and like a respectable citizen and all of that.  It's nice to not be ashamed of anything, really, even though I hadn't realized how much I was subconsciously while smoking.  So maybe now would be a good time to make a list of reasons why I am quitting?  Feel free to add any in the comments, friends.

• Obviously it is bad for my health.  While things like cancer and lung problems seem far away (knock on wood), the more immediate impact is the exacerbation of my Crohn's, stressing my poor heart that is also on birth control, and irritation of my gums.
• It is low-class.  I take pride in my ability to be something of a chameleon in this area -- I love dive bars and canned beer but could also fit in at higher society functions (or at least I've been believing this for awhile.)  But smoking is decidedly for the poors and rednecks.  It doesn't fit with my self-image.  And that said, my self-image has been changing a bit lately, too -- fewer crazy nights in trashy bars with trashier men, and more home- and family-oriented time.  I feel better about this change already.
• It makes me stinky.  I've obviously grown accustomed to the smell, but now that I'm dating someone whom I still want to impress, I'm more aware of smelling like smoke, and especially having dragon breath.  I am chewing lots of gum (which I'd do anyway) but I'm sure peppermint tobacco isn't a great mixture to French kiss. 
• It also makes me miss things.  I excuse myself to smoke and always enjoyed the break from work or the party or the noise or the difficult conversation, etc., but now I am leaving my dreamy boyfriend alone or missing funny things at the party, and I hate missing great stuff.
• I am thinking more about marriage and family in my near-ish future, and I certainly don't want to be a smoker for any of those phases of my life, when I'm "grown-up" and need to be healthy and happy and in great reproductive shape. 
• I was spending about $12 every two days on a pack of cigs (not including the drinking times when I smoke more,) and that means $42 a week, $168 a month, and $2016 a year.  Ridiculous.

I think there are probably more, but that's as far as I've gotten right now.  And my determination has been re-upped!  Any help, encouragement, over-dramatic praise, etc. would be appreciated.  Anything except smoke-shaming or berating, please -- I tend to respond negatively to those methods.

Oh, and I'm also trying to drink even less right now so that I'm not tempted, since nothing's better than smoking while drinking.  (I mean, THAT'S NOT TRUE, SELF.)  I didn't have a beer at lunch even though two of the guys did, but this Friday's Henna Party will be a tough trial.  So wish me luck, friends.  I mostly just need to not WANT those little cancer sticks.  I am better than them, RIGHT?

 

Begging for a Snow Day and What I Ate

It is miserable outside.  There is just too much rain mixed in with our snow, and therefore my snow-loving self doesn't know what to think.  I can't bring myself to open up my umbrella, since it's snow, and (being a good Midwesterner) I mock those who use umbrellas in the snow -- yet, I keep getting soaking wet.  That said, our office manager at work keeps talking about how he doesn't think we'll be here much longer, and perhaps tomorrow will have to be a snow day, etc.  While he has no authority over such things, he is GETTING MY HOPES UP, so all I can do is plan how much wine I want to drink with dinner and think about sleeping in.  Sigh.

Last night I went to the gym, and since the upright bikes were all taken, I used one of the bikes where you pedal out in front of your body.  I've read up on the comparisons between the two styles, and apparently they're pretty similar effectiveness-wise, though it seems easier to do the one where you're more relaxed with a backrest, so therefore I think it's less of a workout.  But I made do, and I have decided that my butt feels decidedly exercised, so perhaps there are butt benefits to that style.  I need to pump up my butt -- if you've seen it, you know I'm dealing with a sort of flat/heart-shaped box o' chocolates back there.  (EW, that just got grosser than I meant it.) 

Tonight Mex is coming over for dinner, and I bought a ton of meat on sale at the grocery store last night, so we'll be having $2.19/lb London Broil with baked sweet potatoes and salad.  And wine, maybe a lot.  I've been marinating the steak overnight in garlic, worcestershire, salt, pepper, rosemary, and dijon all mixed together, so I think it'll be delicious.  And not terribly bad for me with the health benefits of a sweet potato and salad greens, yes?  I will also have to talk to him about my ending tolerance for this stage of our situation, so I hope that goes OK.  I feel all mad, which you know, happens, but I can't exactly unleash a tirade, as that will be very unreasonable and unproductive.  And then we will watch ladies' hockey, or as he called it, "US Canada chick-fairy hockey."  It's a joke, so don't be offended.

Oh, so those of you who know me well know that I read Gawker obsessively.  It's my go-to blog, but I tried to give them a "tip" today and I think I'm getting into a fight* with another commentor (I keep wanting to say commentator, which is more fun.)  I will reproduce the exchange for your benefit, though it's not for those with delicate sensibilities:

ME: I am way behind the times on this, but thought it a bit curious: Pre-Precious release, I read the NY Mag review of it which said that the mother genitally fingered the daughter. Based on that mental image, I declined to see the movie, finding it too disturbing. However, a friend finally saw it last night and informed me that there wasn't any shown fingering -- there was only implied sexual abuse by the mother. Why report it if it's not true?

OTHER COMMENTOR: You are expecting a screenplay to be a documentary?

ME: When the review said "She’s also sexually molested by her jealous, welfare-cheating, gross, and sedentary mother, although the genital fingering might seem preferable to the verbal and physical abuse," I thought it would be shown. I'm not criticizing the movie; I'm saying I was perhaps dissuaded from seeing it because of the review. I take it you find my discomfort at seeing such imagery to be backwoods, so I can only wish you well on your quest for incestual pornographic imagery. To each his/her own.

I mean, COME ON, leave me alone, too-cool-for-school internet person.  Though I realize I asked for it by trying to participate.  I should remember my late-high-school mantra:  don't participate.

In other great news, I was chatting with Blackbeard a few minutes ago.  One of the bosses here is named Ian, and often callers will ask me if it's pronounced Eye-an or Eee-an.  So I asked Blackbeard if he's ever knew of an Eye-an, because really, that's silly, and he said "Well, other than that Ian guy from 90210..." and he melted my heart EVEN MORE.  I was visibly excited that he referenced Ian Ziering.  I mean, it's clear we're soulmates, yes?  Maybe every time we have an awkward conversation, he's as upset about it as I am.  It's so romantic.

Anyway, clearly I'm avoiding this Excel spreadsheet like the plague.  I've been wondering today what the maximum row limit of an Excel spreadsheet is -- does anyone know?  I like to believe that it goes on for infinity (which is something I should discuss with Mex, the master of infinity theory), but I doubt that's realistic.  The real question is, has anyone ever reached the end?!

Oh, another charming thing today was that I overheard a UPS delivery man trying to quickly explain Lost to an office building super.  It was clearly too difficult of a task, so he gave up, but the conversation went something like this:

UPS guy: Did you see Lost last night, man?
Super: No, I can't keep up with that sh*t.  Didn't they crash on an island?
UPS guy: Well, yeah, but it's much more than that.
Super: What do you mean?  Why doesn't someone come and rescue them at the end?
UPS guy: Let's put it this way:  The island is alive.
Super: With what?!  Monsters?  Animals?
UPS guy: Spirits, man.  That's all I can say.  Right?
[At this point he knew I was listening and smiling, so he tapped my arm, looking for affirmation.  I gave it.]

Ok, ok, food:
B - coffee, Special K cereal, skim milk (5)
L - low-salt turkey and muenster on sandwich thin, L&T, Miracle Whip light and mustard; apple (5)
D - steak; sweet potato; salad with tomatoes, cukes and feta (?)
S - Dannon Light & Fit yogurt (1); granny bar (2); wine (?)
Total - a little extra
Activity - crying and/or cuddling

*This "fight" may only be in my head.  What do you think?