I realized I haven't checked in on the smoking front yet -- I'm not smoking. I mean, I had one stressful day two weekends ago where I bought a pack and smoked, and then stopped again when the pack was gone. I am still using the lozenges occasionally, but I really don't think about it anymore unless I'm drinking or feeling extremely upset/emotional. And neither of those things happen very often, so I think we're in the clear. And I'm not going to worry about a few social drinking cigs, either.
Tonight is also my night/weekend off from the gym (well, maybe I'll go Saturday.) I'm going to Skype with Britch, then see my honey again. I'm so smitten this week, and I'm just enjoying it. ALSO I woke up at 5 am to pee this morning and I couldn't fall back asleep until after 7, and I had brief but scary rat dreams, and then the alarm went off. So I'm sleepy. I finally sat up, drank some milk and watched an episode of Good Eats on demand, then fell right asleep after. I really need to make myself stop trying and get up and drink some milk in the future, instead of waiting for 90 minutes first. My brain was just all over the place!
Concerns: When we moved into this apartment, we had to put down 2 months' security deposit. Now that years have passed, I'm afraid my dickbag landlord will fight me on that -- I mean, I will withhold my last month's rent for one of those payments, but I won't be able to give two months' notice of moving, so he'll basically have to write me a check for the other part of it. And I have a feeling this will be a fight. Should I remind him that we have that two months' security deposit now to lay some groundwork? Casually, like "oh, did the new tenants have to pay two months' security deposit, too?" Ha. Also, what if we can't find an apartment we like or Hike's too busy with school to come look and I find the perfect one and have to decide ON THE SPOT BY MYSELF? So I'm getting to talk to Britch finally but what about how I'm still kind of upset that I went to all that expense and effort to go to/be in her wedding and then she hermits on me right afterwards with no appreciation for it. How do I handle that when we talk tonight? What should I bring to his Dad's house for the Friday-after-Thanksgiving awkward-fest? And that's all I can remember right now but there were so many worries at 5 am, dudes.
And in other news, I'm considering the IUD because I like the idea of not taking hormones and I'm curious as to how/who I am naturally after ten years on the Pill, plus now on 50 extra mg for my acne. Plus, it sounds possibly easier/cheaper/more convenient and I could hopefully have fewer mood swings/strong emotional reactions, but hey, maybe I'd have more? Plus it could be a long adjustment period (6 months sometimes) with lots o' cramps and bleeding and my acne might come back with a vengeance (seriously, when I brought it up with my mom, her first question was What about your acne? and her second was Are you still smoking? So at least she was concerned about my health EVENTUALLY.) I don't know if I should do the copper one or the Mirena (which releases some localized hormones) and I was talking to Hike about it and I said that they're good for three years, which seemed fine because we wouldn't want to have babies before then, and he was like Well, we might. So now mentally I'm all BABIES? YOU WANT BABIES RIGHT AWAY? in very manic way, like it's exciting and also terrifying and I didn't get that far in my "in the next few years" daydreams. Now there's a timeframe, people. He just said that he does think about it a lot and in context of his age and stuff, and he'd like to start our family on the sooner side, and I was like OH, ok... I didn't realize, but I'm amenable. (I didn't visibly freak out, don't worry.) I mean, I'd be all for it, as long as we could afford the little thing. And maybe not live in an apartment...and maybe we should try a dog first...but who knows. Obviously there are other bridges before that bridge, but that was a surprising conversation. And he's going to read up more on the IUD to give me his informed opinion, but he loves the idea of no artificial hormones.
Oh and I got my haircut at lunch and I LOVE this feeling. So light and swingy and soft and healthy! Remind me to get a haircut more often than 3x a year, ok?
And that's what's rolling around in here today. Adieu!
B - Cereal, Milk, Apple - 5
L - Turkey sammy, orange, string cheese, Special K bar - 7
D - Taco Bake (7?), ff sour cream, roasted apples & squash & turnips & onions - 8
S - yogurt, pumpkin pudding, homemade granola bar - 8.5
TOTAL - 28.5, so .5 under but I have to look up that taco bake recipe at home.