So That Happened

My life is full of Famous Last Words, you know?  I had so much fun with Schmillie (as well as free shots and new friends) that I was home around 3:00 am on Saturday...ish.  (I don't remember, guys.)  Which also meant I kept telling Hike all night that I wanted to stay longer, and that maybe I wouldn't be home to cook him dinner, and maybe later again, etc. etc. so finally I was like Yeah, you should sleep at home because this party train is going to be delayed.  Which he was mostly fine with, once I called him to check in...  I wondered why he had so much 'tude at the time, but to be fair, I do need to be realistic about my "home eta" when I plan these things, as this is not the first time I've done that to him.  And as I also discovered the next day, he bought me flowers to surprise me for Friday night and so yeah, he had to wait to give them to me until Saturday night.  Oops.  But still aww!

So right, I slept in until noon on Saturday, then of course needed Mexican food and had lost my voice by screaming/drinking/smoking so many cigarettes on Friday, so I ordered tacos & enchiladas online.  I ate half of the food, then basically was in and out of sleep all afternoon while catching up on the new Top Chef.  Finally I didn't feel like puking in the evening, so I showered, ran to the grocery store to stock up on supplies for my big plan-ahead cooking (which would now have to be delayed, since I obviously didn't get to it on Saturday), then home for Hike to pick me up and we went to a Spanish/Peruvian place on Steinway.  The food was pretty good, and it was fun to try a new place with this coupon he had from Yelp.  I probably wouldn't go back but we love exploring restaurants, and we had really nice date conversation.  We went back home to watch the American with G. Cloon, and other than G. Cloon's beauty, that movie is terrible.  It was so slow and boring, and I guess supposed to represent the monotony of trade professions (ammunications maker, prostitute) but GOD DAMN IT stop trying to be meaningful by being sparse!  I hate that.  We gave up on it around midnight since we were getting sleepy anyway, but finished it last night.  Do not recommend.

Sunday we were up early despite our best efforts, then I made breakfast, then we had a fight because he was reading some wrestling blog on the computer while I made breakfast, but I thought he HAD to study, and I was like why am I serving you while you're relaxing?  Which is a terrible attitude but one I'm fighting with this school thing.  I know he needs a mental break now and then, but from my perspective, while studying he always has the tv on (muted) and is flipping around to webpages and it seems like LOTS O' BREAKS.  I realize that's dangerous to assume, plus his style seems to be working since he's getting good grades, but when both of our lives have to center around his studying schedule, I have some bitterness.  It's not great, and I'm working on it, and he's working on not reacting so strongly when I do criticize him (which is when the cycle begins) but ugh.  Anyway, that happened.  Then we had to leave for his high school friend's second baby's christening on Long Island, and we finally sort of made up in the car on the way there.  The service was at 1:30 pm and there were like 8 babies and they were all crying plus everyone in the pews was talking and this guy near us kept his BLUETOOTH in the entire time like a total asshole, so right, it wasn't a very meaningful service from where we were sitting.  But then we went to a steakhouse for lunch ON THEM!  It was really good, and I know I went over my extra points, but sometimes that is going to happen.  (It would have been ideal to not have DRANK THEM ALL on Friday, then eaten them with my hangover, but oh well.)

We came home exhausted around 6:30, and he went back to the books/football on mute while I (instead of being bored with football) decided to cook those meals I'd been planning on.  Well, the Taco Chicken Chili had been in the crockpot all day while we were gone, but I made these WW Red Velvet Cupcakes (3 pts) which I was nervous about but turned out quite good!  (They're for tonight's Harpie dinner.)  Then I made the Buffalo Chicken Lasagna, which seems like it'll be good and still really spicy even though I bought Extra Mild Wing Sauce, but I'm annoyed because it went up to 10 pts per serving because I couldn't find non-fat ricotta (just part skim) and I think that's it...  the recipe says it's 7 pts per, but when I entered it into the WW Recipe Building it gave me the 10 value.  So we'll deal with that....though now that I'm remembering I have 29 points per day, that seems OK.  I was working in the kitchen pretty much all of last night, which wasn't so relaxing, but at least I'd laid around all day on Saturday.  Plus, now I have about 18 dinners ready to go for the next few weeks!

And today I'm sort of sleepy and still have the voice of a drag queen, but tonight will be a fun Harpie dinner and tomorrow night I'll be at home with Hike.  Though I do still have to do laundry... so I think there won't be as many gym trips this week, but as I said before, I'll go when I can.  Oh, and the scale I ordered arrived!  I tried it after lunch (shoes off) and I was still at 153, but we'll see where I am naked first thing in the morning.  (TWSS?)  I probably will wait until next week to start my official weekly weight reporting program, so I can be consistent with it, but you know how I love data.

Today's food:
B - apple, cereal, milk - 5
L - turkey sammy, string cheese, special k, orange - 7
D - TBD, but I know Kate is making a wild mushroom ravioli...
S - yogurt with blueberries
TOTAL - hopefully not too high

TGIAlmost Happy Hour

So I haven't had drinks in awhile...like drinks where I could get a wee buzz, so I'm very excited to be meeting Schmillie for happy hour tonight.  I have all of my flexi points for the week (49!) left for this weekend, so that's enough for some beers and hopefully enough left over for some other bigger meals -- date night is tomorrow, and then we have a reception after a Christening on Sunday.  I'm going to do my best to stay inbounds.  I do think the reception is at a steakhouse, so I should be able to order smart and still get me some steak!  Just a small one, though.

Tomorrow was going to be bowling, but I called the bowling alley to reserve a lane and it's INSANE -- they don't have open bowling except from 12 noon - 2:00 pm.  And tonight only after 11:30 pm.  And not on Sundays until later in the month.  Is this normal?  It's all taken up with leagues and stuff, which I get, but shouldn't they also allow customers to come in?  Why would you sell a Groupon that one can barely use unless you happen to not have a day job?  I e-mailed Groupon to try and get my money back, and we'll be doing something else tomorrow.  Blerg.

My plan for daytime tomorrow is to make some WW-appropriate dinners and freeze them in portions for us.  I'm going to try Buffalo Chicken Lasagne and a Taco Chicken Chili in the Crockpot.  I know they're both chicken, but that's OK, right?  They'll be staggered/not every night anyway.  It should last us at least two weeks, too.  Plus I'm going to make dessert for Harpie dinner on Monday -- and it has to be red.  I'm not going to OUT IT yet, though, but I was able to get a healthier recipe on a traditional favorite, and I'm hoping they taste as good while being guilt-free!

I have been talking to the receptionist about WW lately, and it's great to have someone to nerd out with, plus she JUST gave me her WW online password so I can totally user their tools, like the Recipe Builder!  I've never paid for it so I'm super pumped to see all the fun gadgets.  And to see how many points some of my traditional favorite recipes are...like the Rachel Ray Creamy Chicken Chili.  Mmm.

OHHH and last night I found Edy's Pumpkin Ice Cream on sale and I had to buy it for a treat.  I was expecting to save it but I forgot to eat my homemade granola bar after work so I had a ton of extra points so I had a cup of it after dinner -- so good!  And I forgot to bring a granola bar TODAY, annoyingly, so I need to make sure not to get too drunk.  I may eat more Special K bars, which I keep at work.

Happy weekend, friends!

Today's food:
B - apple, cereal, milk - 4
L - turkey bagel sandwich, string cheese, orange, special k - 7
D - TBD
S - yogurt with blueberries, beer, tbd - 3+
TOTAL - we'll see

But Not That Habit

I realized I haven't checked in on the smoking front yet -- I'm not smoking.  I mean, I had one stressful day two weekends ago where I bought a pack and smoked, and then stopped again when the pack was gone.  I am still using the lozenges occasionally, but I really don't think about it anymore unless I'm drinking or feeling extremely upset/emotional.  And neither of those things happen very often, so I think we're in the clear.  And I'm not going to worry about a few social drinking cigs, either.

Tonight is also my night/weekend off from the gym (well, maybe I'll go Saturday.)  I'm going to Skype with Britch, then see my honey again.  I'm so smitten this week, and I'm just enjoying it.  ALSO I woke up at 5 am to pee this morning and I couldn't fall back asleep until after 7, and I had brief but scary rat dreams, and then the alarm went off.  So I'm sleepy.  I finally sat up, drank some milk and watched an episode of Good Eats on demand, then fell right asleep after.  I really need to make myself stop trying and get up and drink some milk in the future, instead of waiting for 90 minutes first.  My brain was just all over the place! 

Concerns:  When we moved into this apartment, we had to put down 2 months' security deposit.  Now that years have passed, I'm afraid my dickbag landlord will fight me on that -- I mean, I will withhold my last month's rent for one of those payments, but I won't be able to give two months' notice of moving, so he'll basically have to write me a check for the other part of it.  And I have a feeling this will be a fight.  Should I remind him that we have that two months' security deposit now to lay some groundwork?  Casually, like "oh, did the new tenants have to pay two months' security deposit, too?"  Ha.  Also, what if we can't find an apartment we like or Hike's too busy with school to come look and I find the perfect one and have to decide ON THE SPOT BY MYSELF?  So I'm getting to talk to Britch finally but what about how I'm still kind of upset that I went to all that expense and effort to go to/be in her wedding and then she hermits on me right afterwards with no appreciation for it.  How do I handle that when we talk tonight?  What should I bring to his Dad's house for the Friday-after-Thanksgiving awkward-fest?  And that's all I can remember right now but there were so many worries at 5 am, dudes.

And in other news, I'm considering the IUD because I like the idea of not taking hormones and I'm curious as to how/who I am naturally after ten years on the Pill, plus now on 50 extra mg for my acne.  Plus, it sounds possibly easier/cheaper/more convenient and I could hopefully have fewer mood swings/strong emotional reactions, but hey, maybe I'd have more?  Plus it could be a long adjustment period (6 months sometimes) with lots o' cramps and bleeding and my acne might come back with a vengeance (seriously, when I brought it up with my mom, her first question was What about your acne? and her second was Are you still smoking?  So at least she was concerned about my health EVENTUALLY.)  I don't know if I should do the copper one or the Mirena (which releases some localized hormones) and I was talking to Hike about it and I said that they're good for three years, which seemed fine because we wouldn't want to have babies before then, and he was like Well, we might.  So now mentally I'm all BABIES? YOU WANT BABIES RIGHT AWAY? in very manic way, like it's exciting and also terrifying and I didn't get that far in my "in the next few years" daydreams.  Now there's a timeframe, people.  He just said that he does think about it a lot and in context of his age and stuff, and he'd like to start our family on the sooner side, and I was like OH, ok... I didn't realize, but I'm amenable.  (I didn't visibly freak out, don't worry.)  I mean, I'd be all for it, as long as we could afford the little thing.  And maybe not live in an apartment...and maybe we should try a dog first...but who knows.  Obviously there are other bridges before that bridge, but that was a surprising conversation.  And he's going to read up more on the IUD to give me his informed opinion, but he loves the idea of no artificial hormones. 

Oh and I got my haircut at lunch and I LOVE this feeling.  So light and swingy and soft and healthy!  Remind me to get a haircut more often than 3x a year, ok?

And that's what's rolling around in here today.  Adieu!
Today's eats:
B - Cereal, Milk, Apple - 5
L - Turkey sammy, orange, string cheese, Special K bar - 7
D - Taco Bake (7?), ff sour cream, roasted apples & squash & turnips & onions - 8
S - yogurt, pumpkin pudding, homemade granola bar - 8.5
TOTAL - 28.5, so .5 under but I have to look up that taco bake recipe at home.

Back in the Habit

Well, so far, so good.  I had a few Girl Scout Cookies at lunch today, but I have the point room for them.  This PointsPlus thing is pretty awesome so far -- I haven't been able to eat my full day's allotment for the past two days, but I'm only shy by 1 or 2 points, so don't worry, I'm not starving myself.  I'm probably underestimating the amount of milk I have daily, so that'll even it out.  (Milk in coffee, tea, cereal, etc. but I only count 1 cup.)

I did 30 minutes on the bike last night, and I'll go again tonight and do 40, but then tomorrow I'm going to Skype with Britch after work and then Hike will come over, so no gym, WHICH IS FINE.  Laaaiiiiid back.

It'll be good to talk to Britch again.  We haven't communicated very much at all since August, when I saw her for her wedding, and it's not like we got to talk a lot then, anyway.  She's had a lot going on and I've been trying to be patient, but I though I was losing her for awhile though today we just hashed it out and it seems like she's been a bit reclusive, but it had nothing to do with our friendship.  I was really sad and worried about it, but I think things are going to get better again. 

Hike and I had some really productive conversations last night, so I'm feeling very optimistic that we'll make progress on our "how to fight" problem.  He's also admitting that with all of his stress and multi-tasking with school and work and his home business, he's not been the best boyfriend lately, and he's going to do better, which helps me.  I mean, he's not like mean or awful or anything, he's just not been as thoughtful as he used to be and I look forward to that returning a little.  I hope it can happen.  I've been trying to be very supportive but I have gotten a little impatient, too, and I'm glad he's recognizing that sometimes the focus needs to be on me.

Plus we've got like five dates booked because of Groupon-type deals!  This Saturday we'll use a bowling groupon and that should be a fun and different actvity -- something we've never done together.  And we have movies, restaurants, etc.  He said that he wants me to always have something to look forward to, like some specific plans, and so far that's working out well.

When it's good, it's so good, friends.  (And when it's bad, it's awful.)  Ah well, today I'm going to bask in the good.  Also I have been on a bit of a shopping kick this fall, as I've needed new boots due to the wearing out of my work brown boots and my black ones.  I bought these brown ones from Kohl's, these black ones for casual-wearing from Zappos.com:

And I've just tried these from Macy's, but they were too small in my normal size, so I'm sending them back for a half-size up.  These are a bit of a crazy purchase but come on, they're so hot.

FUN SHOPPING.  And I got some clothes, but those will be more fun once I lose some poundage.  And finally, I got a good deal on pots & pans & stuff that I'll need for when we have our own kitchen, since most of the cookware is currently my roommate's.  They arrived today, and though the box is probably too big for me to take home, I want to!  But I'm going to make myself wait to use them until I have a new apartment.  I don't want Roommate getting her mitts on them!

Oh, and I bought these flannel sheets from Overstock.com for the new Queen bed so we'd be cozy this winter.  We already put them on when the temperatures dipped recently, and they're sooooft.

I think that's all the purchases I can brag about for now, but I am so ready to nest in a new place.  I still look at apartments pretty frequently on Craigslist, though it's difficult for me to look and not act, and I don't think it'll be time to act until the new year.  But I do like knowing what's out there and in what price range.

I also need to ramble to you about how I'm contemplating switching from hormonal birth control (aka the Pill) to an IUD.  But that'll be another day.  Happy Hump Day!

Oh, and I'm going to plan my meals because it helps me to have it written somewhere!
B - apple, cereal, milk - 5
L - Bagel thin with turkey, LT, honey mustard; string cheese; orange; 4 cookies - 10
D - butternut squash ravioli, tomato sauce, veg - 6
S - yogurt with blueberries, homemade granola bar, pumpkin pudding - 8.5
TOTAL - 29.5 (so today I'll be .5 over but I will earn activity points, so it's ok)

What's up, Shorty?

This will be brief, but as I'm beginning my grand return to the world of Weight Watchers (starting yesterday), I figured I should also begin my grand return to accountability. 

First off, I threw out my scale in the bed bug panic of 2011, and I'd sort of been lax about diet (there are so many treats to eat) and just trying to walk a lot so that I could have a healthy, active lifestyle.  Guess what.  I can't!  It's not enough -- at least, not when you combine relaxed diet and exercise.  I have felt bigger, and my clothes have felt tighter, though I was hoping some of that was from the high-heat drying, but at Hike's mom's house this past weekend, I noticed her scale and was curious.  GASP.  It's high, folks.  It was like 153 pounds high. 

I've also noticed my insecurity about my weight causing some unnecessary sensitivity with Hike, and the worst of that crested recently, too.  We were talking about why we argue/misunderstand each other, and the issues I've been having with not being happy with myself, and I asked if he even noticed my weight change, and he said "You want me to be honest, right?  I could see it a little in your stomach, but that's only because you pointed it out a few times."  SO WHAT THE MAGAZINES TELL US IS TRUE, LADIES:  If you draw attention to your insecurities, those spacey boys will notice what they did not notice before.  SO WE MUST STOP TALKING ABOUT IT.  I even consider myself pretty decent at this, like I'm not a complainer and I'm generally satisfied with my reflection, but yikes, it's so easy to fall into this mud puddle, huh?

So perfect storm time, since the receptionist at work has been talking about going back on WW and she was telling me how great the PointsPlus system is (which I'd previously refused to follow).  I investigated it and was hooked -- it's like the same game but updated!  New rules, new values, new puzzles!  I can also eat about what I usually eat on a normal weekday, but I'll be more mindful at dinner and then on weekends I'll have to clean up my act a bit.  I also returned to the gym last night, and rode the bike for 30 minutes and felt good.  Unfortunately my membership expires on November 30, so I'll have to try to sweet-talk my way into a 6-month renewal or something, since I won't be living in my apartment for another whole year and this gym is so ghetto, the only draw is that it's around the corner.  Anyway, we'll figure that out at the end of the month.

I'm looking forward to feeling comfortable in my clothes again (literally and figuratively) as well as comfortable getting my tummy rubbed by Hike.  And the best part (well, one of them) is that I can still eat my Superfoods Pumpkin Pudding!  It's pretty low points, especially since I use Splenda for baking instead of sugar.  (And by the way, when I first found this recipe, Patty had no claim over it, so I refuse to acknowledge her name in the title.  F that B.)

And that's about it here.  Still trying to stay patient and happy with the stress of Hike's very full schedule and my own supportive role, plus trying to manage a social life while maximizing my time with him.  We are constantly making progress but I do get discouraged when we have a particularly bickery week, like last week.  At least we were able to be "intimate" (ahem) twice over the weekend, and it had been a full week before that -- which I know puts me on edge!  So now I feel better and I'm very excited about this WW+ plan.  I am tracking my food on my phone app, too, so I won't be getting too detailed here, but my main weekday food will consist of:

B - cereal, coffee, milk, apple
L - turkey or chicken sandwich on a Sandwich Thin or a Bagel Thin (the Everything ones are delish!) with lettuce, tomato, honey mustard; light string cheese; fruit; special K bar with chocolate
D - varies
S - yogurt with fruit in the afternoon; pumpkin pudding or something similar and sweet after dinner

Here we go!  Oh, right, and I have to buy a scale -- it's clear I work best with hard data.  (Yes, that is what she said.)