Oh, and I forgot to tell you that Sleeve texted me last night, after two weeks of silence. He said "What up stranger??" I ignored it. If he texts again to call me out for the ignoring (as he has before), I'll say something about how I don't want to start this up again. Such a weirdo.
Also, my boss complimented me today. He came by and said "By the way, have you lost a lot of weight? You look great!" I said thanks and quickly moved on, but it felt uncomfortable. Especially after the appraising eyes he's been giving me. I tell you, something about a pencil skirt with a belt really does it for the menfolk. And ew.
Showing posts with label Sleeve. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sleeve. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
up/down DATE
I didn't want to mention this yesterday, but I have a confession: I am still talking to Sleeve. I "put my foot down" a few times in the past few weeks, as you know, about how nothing was happening and we weren't hanging out. Though obviously I didn't do it very effectively, as sometimes I enjoyed the frequent texting. I guess it made me feel less lonely, and it has been about two months of this fictional text romance.
So he called me on Tuesday night and we talked for awhile. I already knew he was good at being/seeming very sincere in conversation, just not great at the follow-through. He said that he's been treating me poorly and acting like an idiot, and he's been dealing with something that was taking up a lot of his time, and that he now cleared it so he can really prove to me that he's serious about seeing me. I'm not used to a man talking so much about the relational situation, but this guy doesn't stop. So I kept saying that it sounds nice, but I'm just reserving judgement, but I do believe he has good intentions or I wouldn't have taken his phone call. I've been trying to keep him at arms' length, despite his entreaties, and he tells me he understands and he's going to prove himself to me, yada yada yada. So he asks when he can see me, and we decide we'll meet up in Astoria around 8:30 pm last night. He was going to skip his second class, since he's busy Thursday and this was important (or whatever.) He said he'd be in touch yesterday, but that was the plan.
Guess how yesterday went? I didn't hear anything, and to be honest, I'd sort of figured. I did take a shower after I got home from picking up the veggies, but I did NOT proceed with makeup or getting dressed in date clothes or anything. So at 9:30, when I'm snuggled in PJs and watching Cougar Town (shut up), I text him and say What the hell? He responds, and the long and short of it is that a classmate texted him that morning to remind him of a midterm review, which requires him rushing to work to finish things in order to leave in time to make the review and classes, etc. I said that he should have told me, and he said to be honest, he didn't think of it. He also forgot to call his mother as scheduled, and this is one big mama's boy.
Ha, now I'm getting mad again.
So he leaves his class to call me and says he'll come back now and we can go out, and then I'm all "why did you leave?! go back!" and he can't, and I said it was too late for me to go out at 10 on a work night, and he is apologizing up and down and I am angry and upset so I say I want to get off the phone and I hang up. I cool down for awhile, then I text that I'm sorry I hung up so abruptly. (I know I'm in the right, people, but I don't like acting that way.) He says he's on the train and asks if he can some by and we can have a cigarette on the stoop together. I said OK. Frankly, at this point it's been built up way too much and I wanted to see him in person again, JUST TO SEE. So basically he comes over, I let him inside and we sit on my bed and talk and watch the Yankees and drink one beer each. He won't shut up with the apologizing and how he's going to be more thoughtful and it was just such a terrible day and we'll go out properly soon, since he didn't mean for it to be like this, and I get tired of talking about it. He's so adamant that I know he's "for real" and I am willing to admit that I'm exploring the option. And I know that's crazy. Oh, full disclosure, there was a tiny bit of cuddling/hand holding and a chaste kiss goodnight.
Right, so I don't want anyone to jump down my throat here. I realize this is like a minefield and probably not a good idea, but I haven't been able to stop being somewhat interested in him. I can make a pro/con list, but I think basically I like how he talks to me. He's a big, dumb Italian with a heart o' gold (most of the time). He's so direct and open in conversation, and I've never had anyone talk to me like this. I also don't know what the reason is that he wants to sit down and talk to me about (for why it's taken two months to hang out), but he said he wants to tell me, so we'll see. (Since last night was sort of his last-ditch attempt to salvage something, I didn't feel like having more serious discussions.) There are many cons, but for now, it feels kinda OK. And that is all.
So he called me on Tuesday night and we talked for awhile. I already knew he was good at being/seeming very sincere in conversation, just not great at the follow-through. He said that he's been treating me poorly and acting like an idiot, and he's been dealing with something that was taking up a lot of his time, and that he now cleared it so he can really prove to me that he's serious about seeing me. I'm not used to a man talking so much about the relational situation, but this guy doesn't stop. So I kept saying that it sounds nice, but I'm just reserving judgement, but I do believe he has good intentions or I wouldn't have taken his phone call. I've been trying to keep him at arms' length, despite his entreaties, and he tells me he understands and he's going to prove himself to me, yada yada yada. So he asks when he can see me, and we decide we'll meet up in Astoria around 8:30 pm last night. He was going to skip his second class, since he's busy Thursday and this was important (or whatever.) He said he'd be in touch yesterday, but that was the plan.
Guess how yesterday went? I didn't hear anything, and to be honest, I'd sort of figured. I did take a shower after I got home from picking up the veggies, but I did NOT proceed with makeup or getting dressed in date clothes or anything. So at 9:30, when I'm snuggled in PJs and watching Cougar Town (shut up), I text him and say What the hell? He responds, and the long and short of it is that a classmate texted him that morning to remind him of a midterm review, which requires him rushing to work to finish things in order to leave in time to make the review and classes, etc. I said that he should have told me, and he said to be honest, he didn't think of it. He also forgot to call his mother as scheduled, and this is one big mama's boy.
Ha, now I'm getting mad again.
So he leaves his class to call me and says he'll come back now and we can go out, and then I'm all "why did you leave?! go back!" and he can't, and I said it was too late for me to go out at 10 on a work night, and he is apologizing up and down and I am angry and upset so I say I want to get off the phone and I hang up. I cool down for awhile, then I text that I'm sorry I hung up so abruptly. (I know I'm in the right, people, but I don't like acting that way.) He says he's on the train and asks if he can some by and we can have a cigarette on the stoop together. I said OK. Frankly, at this point it's been built up way too much and I wanted to see him in person again, JUST TO SEE. So basically he comes over, I let him inside and we sit on my bed and talk and watch the Yankees and drink one beer each. He won't shut up with the apologizing and how he's going to be more thoughtful and it was just such a terrible day and we'll go out properly soon, since he didn't mean for it to be like this, and I get tired of talking about it. He's so adamant that I know he's "for real" and I am willing to admit that I'm exploring the option. And I know that's crazy. Oh, full disclosure, there was a tiny bit of cuddling/hand holding and a chaste kiss goodnight.
Right, so I don't want anyone to jump down my throat here. I realize this is like a minefield and probably not a good idea, but I haven't been able to stop being somewhat interested in him. I can make a pro/con list, but I think basically I like how he talks to me. He's a big, dumb Italian with a heart o' gold (most of the time). He's so direct and open in conversation, and I've never had anyone talk to me like this. I also don't know what the reason is that he wants to sit down and talk to me about (for why it's taken two months to hang out), but he said he wants to tell me, so we'll see. (Since last night was sort of his last-ditch attempt to salvage something, I didn't feel like having more serious discussions.) There are many cons, but for now, it feels kinda OK. And that is all.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Thump Day
Well, it's only Wednesday...I've done worse.
I had a lovely outdoor lunch of pizza and gelato in the sun, and now I'm ready for a nap. But at least my to-do list at work has eased up a bit, so I have had time to catch up on some internet fun today. I'm going to write this and then proceed with some heavy lifting, as I'm packing up boxes to send to storage before our big office move this winter. I'm stressed about the scheduling and the work required, which is still kind of vague, but once we get a handle on the details and get the thing locked down, I'll be able to relax and git 'er done, so to speak.
This week has been quiet. I've worked late the past two evenings, and on Monday just relaxed with more Veronica Mars, and then last night I made a Cream of Zucchini soup in order to make use of some of the five pounds of zucchini we have from our CSA. I haven't really eaten it yet, but I tasted it and it's delicious. It has milk, broth, brown rice, zucchini, and onion, and that all gets blended until smooth, and then you add more shredded zuc for texture, sour cream, and chopped fresh dill. I also added some diced turkey bacon so it would have more protein and be a satisfying and healthy lunch. I'm pretty excited about it, especially as though I'm not officially doing Weight Watchers, I try to keep an eye on my "points" eaten during the week, as that's how I've learned to judge the appropriate meal options. It's basically a balancing act right now between my healthy work-week eating and my terrible weekend eating...unfortunately, I need to cut back more on the weekend, so I can lose these DAMN FIVE POUNDS. Ok, or ten or fifteen. Whatever.
I was worried things would be awkward with Smee, but on Monday he stopped by my cube first thing and smiled and started to say something but I was on the phone (I'm so busy and popular), so then I went to say hi when I was free. I just asked how the rest of his weekend was, and we said how hungover we both were on Saturday, and he said something like "which may explain why I said..." and I just said don't worry about it, and it's been fine and smiley since. (And I'm not sure which thing he was referencing exactly, as he may have wanted to just reject me further, but maybe not. He seems to just generally feel guilty for certain admissions. (God, now I want to make an emissions joke, but I'll refrain.)) Which is good, because we had to spend Monday and Tuesday afternoon together in the conference room hunched over a project together. Our arms would brush occasionally...oh butterflies. But in a nice way, like in a "I'm confident in where I stand here, and I don't really know that I want more and can't have it anyway, so I will enjoy your giant crush on me" way. (Ok, fine, a mutual crush that ebbs and flows.)
Remember I told you that I texted Sleeve about wanting more on Sunday? He didn't respond to that, but texted me the usual "What's up babe?" on Monday. So I asked if he'd gotten that text, and he said yeah, I'm sorry. And I said "Don't be, I just want this to move one way or the other, and I don't think that's crazy, do you?" He replied, "No, I agree." And only that...but I haven't heard more from him, so I guess that means no actual hanging out. What a strange bird.
So now I'm free and clear of dumb man distractions, which is mostly good. I did realize that I get more sad about the past when there's no boy to daydream about, but hey, sometimes I also get excited about who I'm going to meet. I've got my photo selection ready for my online dating profile, now I just have to find the time to write the thing, preferably when I'm in a witty and clever mood. Hopefully the stars will align this weekend.
But for now, I am looking forward to drinks tonight with Schmess (and maybe Schmannon) at Il Bambino in Astoria. And panini (panino?) And then tomorrow evening is Harpie dinner at Schmags' new Brooklyn digs, which I haven't seen yet. It'll be great, and I won't worry about getting home late. (Though the theme is celebrating the aged, so maybe being crotchety about that would be appropriate?) I'm making
[SPOILER ALERT, HARPIES]
the appetizers, and I sort of forced it to fit the theme, but I'm using crescent roll dough (the waning moon represents old age) as a shell in mini-muffin tins with smoked gouda (like old people are smoked?) and pancetta (aged?) baked with garlic powder (old people smell like garlic?) We'll see how it turns out.
Enjoy the remainder of your fall-tinged week, darlings!
I had a lovely outdoor lunch of pizza and gelato in the sun, and now I'm ready for a nap. But at least my to-do list at work has eased up a bit, so I have had time to catch up on some internet fun today. I'm going to write this and then proceed with some heavy lifting, as I'm packing up boxes to send to storage before our big office move this winter. I'm stressed about the scheduling and the work required, which is still kind of vague, but once we get a handle on the details and get the thing locked down, I'll be able to relax and git 'er done, so to speak.
This week has been quiet. I've worked late the past two evenings, and on Monday just relaxed with more Veronica Mars, and then last night I made a Cream of Zucchini soup in order to make use of some of the five pounds of zucchini we have from our CSA. I haven't really eaten it yet, but I tasted it and it's delicious. It has milk, broth, brown rice, zucchini, and onion, and that all gets blended until smooth, and then you add more shredded zuc for texture, sour cream, and chopped fresh dill. I also added some diced turkey bacon so it would have more protein and be a satisfying and healthy lunch. I'm pretty excited about it, especially as though I'm not officially doing Weight Watchers, I try to keep an eye on my "points" eaten during the week, as that's how I've learned to judge the appropriate meal options. It's basically a balancing act right now between my healthy work-week eating and my terrible weekend eating...unfortunately, I need to cut back more on the weekend, so I can lose these DAMN FIVE POUNDS. Ok, or ten or fifteen. Whatever.
I was worried things would be awkward with Smee, but on Monday he stopped by my cube first thing and smiled and started to say something but I was on the phone (I'm so busy and popular), so then I went to say hi when I was free. I just asked how the rest of his weekend was, and we said how hungover we both were on Saturday, and he said something like "which may explain why I said..." and I just said don't worry about it, and it's been fine and smiley since. (And I'm not sure which thing he was referencing exactly, as he may have wanted to just reject me further, but maybe not. He seems to just generally feel guilty for certain admissions. (God, now I want to make an emissions joke, but I'll refrain.)) Which is good, because we had to spend Monday and Tuesday afternoon together in the conference room hunched over a project together. Our arms would brush occasionally...oh butterflies. But in a nice way, like in a "I'm confident in where I stand here, and I don't really know that I want more and can't have it anyway, so I will enjoy your giant crush on me" way. (Ok, fine, a mutual crush that ebbs and flows.)
Remember I told you that I texted Sleeve about wanting more on Sunday? He didn't respond to that, but texted me the usual "What's up babe?" on Monday. So I asked if he'd gotten that text, and he said yeah, I'm sorry. And I said "Don't be, I just want this to move one way or the other, and I don't think that's crazy, do you?" He replied, "No, I agree." And only that...but I haven't heard more from him, so I guess that means no actual hanging out. What a strange bird.
So now I'm free and clear of dumb man distractions, which is mostly good. I did realize that I get more sad about the past when there's no boy to daydream about, but hey, sometimes I also get excited about who I'm going to meet. I've got my photo selection ready for my online dating profile, now I just have to find the time to write the thing, preferably when I'm in a witty and clever mood. Hopefully the stars will align this weekend.
But for now, I am looking forward to drinks tonight with Schmess (and maybe Schmannon) at Il Bambino in Astoria. And panini (panino?) And then tomorrow evening is Harpie dinner at Schmags' new Brooklyn digs, which I haven't seen yet. It'll be great, and I won't worry about getting home late. (Though the theme is celebrating the aged, so maybe being crotchety about that would be appropriate?) I'm making
[SPOILER ALERT, HARPIES]
the appetizers, and I sort of forced it to fit the theme, but I'm using crescent roll dough (the waning moon represents old age) as a shell in mini-muffin tins with smoked gouda (like old people are smoked?) and pancetta (aged?) baked with garlic powder (old people smell like garlic?) We'll see how it turns out.
Enjoy the remainder of your fall-tinged week, darlings!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Slip Slidin' Away
...is what this week has done. How are we? Everyone around here survive the "tornado" aka nasty thunderstorm last week? It was just hard rain in Astoria, so I was surprised to hear of the damage done further east and south. A few of my colleagues were affected -- one lost two car windows, and the other lost his patio furniture. It could definitely have been worse, and I'm glad they're safe.
So last weekend seems like a long time away, but for posterity, I'll give you a recap. Friday night I had a lovely mending evening with Schmillie. We got tacos, drank lots of wine, tried on dresses and broke her sewing machine halfway through a dress-to-apron project. I hope it's fixable, Schmills. It was a great night, with all the magic of henna light but less murder poop pie scenarios. Then Saturday I met up late with Schmannon for some pool at our current favorite old-man bar. We were totally getting smoked by the real pool sharks, but we had lots of fun and made new friends. She picked up a very cute pool pro, and I determinedly found someone to make out with myself. Actually, I brought him home at 6 am, which always bodes well, doesn't it? Anyway, I kicked him out shortly thereafter, and then slept for most of Sunday. He was a very sweet guy, but I had one of my sudden snaps of "no longer into it," and then was just not interested. I don't think we have a lot in common, plus he was really sweaty, and it grossed me out. So of course he called me that afternoon. I texted him that night, but then he called Monday to tell me not to call him for some reason that I couldn't understand as the voicemail broke up, but I mostly wanted to say that I wasn't exactly looking to date. And between you and me, I'm not looking to date a drummer who works in a bar. Yes, I'm a snob.
Anyway, last week was pretty calm. On Monday I talked to Sleeve for two hours and we made a plan that he'd walk me back from the bank on Tuesday. (Oh, did I tell you this? I ran into him in my bank on Friday and Monday -- we work near each other and apparently our offices both use the same one. Weird.) So it was this big plan of our "first date" (ha) etc., then comes Tuesday and I text him when I'm going (as planned) and he says his boss already went and he can't get out of work. Neat. This guy is insane, as he's so into me and the plan when we actually make a plan, then blows me off. And makes me text him first before he tells me? Anyway, it was less of a surprise at this point, but still mind-boggling. Of course there's still sexy texting all week, but at this point it's just entertainment for me, or at least it was this past week. It's not really entertaining anymore. I hear from him every day, but I just said (literally, just now) that it's getting frustrating for me and I want more. We'll see if he responds to that one. (And I kept it vague as to whether I want more from him or just more. But it's weird to get a dirty text message from him when I'm out with another boy I'm interested in, you know?)
Wednesday night I met my new dodgeball team for drinks. Our first game is this Tuesday, but it was supposed to be a meet-and-greet of sorts. It was fun! I liked the two new guys I met, and there was a guy from my kickball team who was fun to see again, and then Schmannon stopped by and Schmess came later. Plus, two of the three boys were cute. Bonus.
Friday was pretty quiet at work, with some people out due to the storm's consequences, and so Smee came by and asked me to lunch. I didn't realize it was just the two of us until we were walking out! It made me a little nervous, but it was really nice. We sat at the bar at The Ginger Man and ate and had a few beers, and made it a long Friday date lunch, actually. I mean, it was datish in that we were like totally facing each other and having good conversation and he paid. So we get back to the office after two, and I said, um, can we go back at 5? He said totally. So yeah, we left at 5 and went to a bar across the street on 36th, The Archive, as it was a bit quieter and had more room. Um, then we got drunk. I think I got home at midnight. I'd started with pumpkin beer at lunch, which isn't the lightest, and then had Blue Moons, and he'd switched to Ketel One and tonic. It was still fun, but I am embarrassed by one emotional moment I had where he'd said he was wondering if I'd be wanting more than my current job -- like a more challenging one. I hate when I'm drunk and something triggers a response that brings tears to my eyes and I have NO CONTROL. I know it freaks people out and I hate it, so yeah, that happened, but I just apologized profusely and he was all worried, and I tried to change the subject. Argh. I clearly have buried issues about not living up to my potential. Damn it. And then later (after things had returned to normal), I did tease him about the Frisbee Freakout. He played dumb at first. I was like, fine, but I think you know something'sok, I like you. I do. I really like you. But it can't happen," or something like that. He said that imagine if when they offered to make him partner, and he'd have to say "By the way, I'm dating your Office Manager..." I said I'd already figured that was the situation, but I was surprised he'd have to tell them, but he said he would. I guess it is a very small and close office, so I can see it. It wasn't really upsetting, since I'd already figured it out, but it's still sobering to hear it out loud. (Ha, not that sobering though.) We left soon after, and he walked me to a cab. We texted a little bit while I was going home, and agreed that it sucked, and he asked if we were OK, and I said yes, I think so, but asked what he thought. He said that we talked about it so he feels OK. Which made me feel less like I'd pressed the issue, as he seemed happy to have cleared the air, and we all know I like to do that. Even if later I feel over-aggressive paranoia.
Saturday I felt awful and hungover and stayed in bed all day, watching tv and sleeping. I've been in a funk all weekend, and I don't think it's directly because of that, but just in general I feel like I'm narrowing options without really finding new ones. (Oh, Al called a few more times during the week and texted once, so I finally just texted on Saturday that it wasn't a good time for me dating-wise, but that he was sweet, and I'd look forward to running into him again. He said sweet.) It's good that I'm not trying to date any of these guys, but I also am discouraged that no one is really going to be what I'm looking for. Well, enough of that, but I'm still sort of sad. At least I did laundry and cleaned the house a bit today, so I feel like a sort-of normal member of society.
I'm sure there's more to mull over, but that's the main haps and this is long enough. Until next time...
So last weekend seems like a long time away, but for posterity, I'll give you a recap. Friday night I had a lovely mending evening with Schmillie. We got tacos, drank lots of wine, tried on dresses and broke her sewing machine halfway through a dress-to-apron project. I hope it's fixable, Schmills. It was a great night, with all the magic of henna light but less murder poop pie scenarios. Then Saturday I met up late with Schmannon for some pool at our current favorite old-man bar. We were totally getting smoked by the real pool sharks, but we had lots of fun and made new friends. She picked up a very cute pool pro, and I determinedly found someone to make out with myself. Actually, I brought him home at 6 am, which always bodes well, doesn't it? Anyway, I kicked him out shortly thereafter, and then slept for most of Sunday. He was a very sweet guy, but I had one of my sudden snaps of "no longer into it," and then was just not interested. I don't think we have a lot in common, plus he was really sweaty, and it grossed me out. So of course he called me that afternoon. I texted him that night, but then he called Monday to tell me not to call him for some reason that I couldn't understand as the voicemail broke up, but I mostly wanted to say that I wasn't exactly looking to date. And between you and me, I'm not looking to date a drummer who works in a bar. Yes, I'm a snob.
Anyway, last week was pretty calm. On Monday I talked to Sleeve for two hours and we made a plan that he'd walk me back from the bank on Tuesday. (Oh, did I tell you this? I ran into him in my bank on Friday and Monday -- we work near each other and apparently our offices both use the same one. Weird.) So it was this big plan of our "first date" (ha) etc., then comes Tuesday and I text him when I'm going (as planned) and he says his boss already went and he can't get out of work. Neat. This guy is insane, as he's so into me and the plan when we actually make a plan, then blows me off. And makes me text him first before he tells me? Anyway, it was less of a surprise at this point, but still mind-boggling. Of course there's still sexy texting all week, but at this point it's just entertainment for me, or at least it was this past week. It's not really entertaining anymore. I hear from him every day, but I just said (literally, just now) that it's getting frustrating for me and I want more. We'll see if he responds to that one. (And I kept it vague as to whether I want more from him or just more. But it's weird to get a dirty text message from him when I'm out with another boy I'm interested in, you know?)
Wednesday night I met my new dodgeball team for drinks. Our first game is this Tuesday, but it was supposed to be a meet-and-greet of sorts. It was fun! I liked the two new guys I met, and there was a guy from my kickball team who was fun to see again, and then Schmannon stopped by and Schmess came later. Plus, two of the three boys were cute. Bonus.
Friday was pretty quiet at work, with some people out due to the storm's consequences, and so Smee came by and asked me to lunch. I didn't realize it was just the two of us until we were walking out! It made me a little nervous, but it was really nice. We sat at the bar at The Ginger Man and ate and had a few beers, and made it a long Friday date lunch, actually. I mean, it was datish in that we were like totally facing each other and having good conversation and he paid. So we get back to the office after two, and I said, um, can we go back at 5? He said totally. So yeah, we left at 5 and went to a bar across the street on 36th, The Archive, as it was a bit quieter and had more room. Um, then we got drunk. I think I got home at midnight. I'd started with pumpkin beer at lunch, which isn't the lightest, and then had Blue Moons, and he'd switched to Ketel One and tonic. It was still fun, but I am embarrassed by one emotional moment I had where he'd said he was wondering if I'd be wanting more than my current job -- like a more challenging one. I hate when I'm drunk and something triggers a response that brings tears to my eyes and I have NO CONTROL. I know it freaks people out and I hate it, so yeah, that happened, but I just apologized profusely and he was all worried, and I tried to change the subject. Argh. I clearly have buried issues about not living up to my potential. Damn it. And then later (after things had returned to normal), I did tease him about the Frisbee Freakout. He played dumb at first. I was like, fine, but I think you know something'sok, I like you. I do. I really like you. But it can't happen," or something like that. He said that imagine if when they offered to make him partner, and he'd have to say "By the way, I'm dating your Office Manager..." I said I'd already figured that was the situation, but I was surprised he'd have to tell them, but he said he would. I guess it is a very small and close office, so I can see it. It wasn't really upsetting, since I'd already figured it out, but it's still sobering to hear it out loud. (Ha, not that sobering though.) We left soon after, and he walked me to a cab. We texted a little bit while I was going home, and agreed that it sucked, and he asked if we were OK, and I said yes, I think so, but asked what he thought. He said that we talked about it so he feels OK. Which made me feel less like I'd pressed the issue, as he seemed happy to have cleared the air, and we all know I like to do that. Even if later I feel over-aggressive paranoia.
Saturday I felt awful and hungover and stayed in bed all day, watching tv and sleeping. I've been in a funk all weekend, and I don't think it's directly because of that, but just in general I feel like I'm narrowing options without really finding new ones. (Oh, Al called a few more times during the week and texted once, so I finally just texted on Saturday that it wasn't a good time for me dating-wise, but that he was sweet, and I'd look forward to running into him again. He said sweet.) It's good that I'm not trying to date any of these guys, but I also am discouraged that no one is really going to be what I'm looking for. Well, enough of that, but I'm still sort of sad. At least I did laundry and cleaned the house a bit today, so I feel like a sort-of normal member of society.
I'm sure there's more to mull over, but that's the main haps and this is long enough. Until next time...
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Boyz in the Hood
So a few updates on the men in my life…ha. Maybe then men in my peripheral vision is a better way of putting that…?
I texted with Sleeve a bit on Friday night, while drinking Nancies and feeling saucy. He was flirty, calling me “f*cking cute” and telling me he thinks about me constantly, which is laying it on a bit thick… but it’s nice to hear/read. But nothing since then, so I wonder if it’s tapered off. It’s amusing for what it is, but that’s not much. And because I have such faith in men lately, I sort of wonder if he’s got a girlfriend. I know the night I met him, his friends were teasing him about some girl, but it seemed like it was an ex. Still, in hindsight, I don’t really know. I won’t be too upset if he disappears, as I’m not too into him anyway, but I will miss someone sending me sweet nothings.
AND THEN, so Smee and I have this flirty friendly thing going, but as I’ve said all along, it’s never clearly crossed the friendship line which made it safe and still fun. I mean, you know I’m mostly into him, but I also have my hesitations and it was again nice to not have anything to decide or figure out, just enjoy. Especially as just this past weekend I was talking about how it had cooled off a bit recently…which was fine.
ANYWAY, yesterday was the usual, some convos, he comes by to ask me how Boston was, I yammered to him about something later, he comes to get me to eat lunch with them in the conference room (because the guys all go buy something, and I pack, so when they get back he comes to tell me they’re back so I can come eat with them), etc. At lunch he was telling me how some guy who was in the office on Friday afternoon (who used to rent space there and was clearing some stuff out) had given Smee a Frisbee from the second Charlie’s Angels movie…to which I reply “Full Throttle?” and then smacked my forehead. We laughed about how I actually know the name of it, even though I never saw it. And then the conversation moves on.
I go to the bank in the afternoon, as usual, and when I’m back, the Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle Frisbee is on my desk. It was cute, and timely, as I had just seen a homeless guy covered in his own puke on the sidewalk and could use something funny. So I go to his doorway (where I often stand when we chat as I pass by), and smile knowingly, and he smiles, and it’s cute, and then his expression changes and he says “Oh, but it doesn’t mean anything…” and I was confused and said “What?!” and he was sort of stumbling over his words (and I’m sure my very expressive face looked sort of horrified) and he said, “Well, I just value our friendship so I wouldn’t…” and I was like “WHAT?!” and then he said nevermind, and I gave him a look like he was crazy, and then I said “I thought it was nice…and I needed that after [homeless guy puke story].” I was trying to change the subject as quickly as possible…and he was bright red. That was it, the conversation trailed off, I walked away, but as I was turning, said “Oh, and I don’t know what you’re talking about,” and then gave a flirty smile over my shoulder. UM, WHAT? I know my reaction was weird, but it was even weirder that he said that AFTER GIVING ME A FRISBEE. I mean, come on! Oh, and then he needed my help with the postage meter about 20 minutes later, and we awkwardly pretended nothing had happened.
I initially felt rejected and angry, because how/why could he give me a “let her down easy” speech after putting a damn Frisbee on my desk? Did he think I was somehow being inappropriate? Did I misread the situation? But I didn’t even do anything yesterday! I did send him a link to Lazy Sunday as he had never seen it, but that’s not exactly a proposition. I was very sure we were both on the same page, and frankly, I still am. So my poor friends had to let me work through this verbally last night when we went to the (hot, fun) Yankee game (thanks guys!), and their opinions were varied, but basically they thought he was freaked out and I should just act normal and NOT try to clear the air (because you know I want that), but they’re right. I also wondered later on if perhaps he was so freaked out himself that he sort of went to the opposite, defensive place, and maybe it wasn’t as negative about me as it seemed. I realize I sound like I’m rationalizing, but it doesn’t make sense, especially after today. I was pretty cold towards him, just skipping any social interaction and when he got me for lunch (like normal) I just said “Oh, ok!” and didn’t smile or anything. Yes, that sounds like things boys don’t notice, but he noticed. At lunch I sat far away from him (as opposed to across, like I usually do) and he watched me all lunch. Normally he does that and we make lots of eye contact with special smiles, but today that only happened once because I accidentally looked at him and he beamed at me. I told my paralegal friend there about it, and she thought he was acting like he felt like a dick, and he kept wanting my attention and would look to see if I was watching while telling any story or whatever. Yes, she may just be being a good girlfriend, but I know he was watching me. I’m not crazy, internet!
Basically it was a totally strange way to bring up the topic, but at least he’s the one that brought it up and I can play it cool right now. I’m still not sure what it means about what he’s thinking, but it’s not really my problem, I guess. It seems he’s not sure what he’s thinking, either, but I’m going to (for once in my life) sit back and not worry about the implications of it all. I guess my worst-case scenario was that he thought I was in puppy love with him and he needed to give me a talking-to, but I really don’t think that’s the case. My job is to look HOTT at work and see what/if anything happens.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)