Happy sad Monday! I am really loving the weather today, and I had a great weekend, so once again I'm in a good mood. Now if I could just make myself do some work.
Let's recap! Friday I had a friend date with Schmillie to see The Social Network, then we had dinner after the movie at Republic and then got 16 (Love) Handles frozen yogurt, and I tried PUMPKIN. It was good, but I think pumpkin-flavored dairy needs to be full-fat, as it got a little chemically after a few bites. Saturday I made a Curry Zucchini Soup, then got my nails did, then napped, then met Schmess and her bf and Schmess' visiting friend for dinner at Il Bambino in Astoria (along with two bottles of wine) and then beer at Sweet Afton, where our friend the Marine from d-ball met up, too. Hike was possibly going to be in Astoria that night but ended up going out in the city with his bro and friends, so I didn't see him but we texted all night and said flirty things, etc. Sunday I nursed my hangover for awhile, skyped with Britch, then Hike picked me up at 4 to see The Town. We had discussed going to see Paranormal Activity 2 and I was saying I'll be terrified but I'd try it, and then on Sunday I was like "Um, is there anything else you might want to see, perhaps?" and he did want to see The Town so he gallantly did not force me to be traumatized by PA2. So The Town. I think I was a little disappointed (did I become a movie jerk recently? Maybe.) because it moved slowly at parts, but you know how I LOVE terrible (read: awesome) Boston accents and Ben Affleck in track suits, and I got plenty of that. There was also a preview for another Boston blue-collar Ben movie with COSTNER that I am excited about. So movie date then dinner after at 5 Napkin Burger (yum), and then home to hang out/watch Fox cartoons/make out a lot. It was a good date.
NO, I'M NOT GETTING CARRIED AWAY. But I'm enjoying it. And trying desperately not to get crazy or worried, to various degrees of success.
As far as Rockabilly goes, I forgot to tell you last week that there was never any communication so the "date night" passed by silently, and I'm good with that. After Hike said he wasn't signing onto OKCupid, he asked me, and I said it'd been about a week...and that was as far as we took that conversation, but I want to see what happens with him without further hedging my bets. At least right now.
Tonight is Harpie dinner at someone's new place in Williamsburg, and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and the new apartment! Our theme is "spooky" and I'm making zucchini latkes that I will call mashed brains and/or guts. Then tomorrow is SING-ALONG SOUND OF MUSIC, which is going to be amazing. (Yes, I'm blowing off dodgeball. Tough luck, suckers.)
Oh, and food this weekend was mostly a disaster, though I still feel skinny today. Weird! I did walk home from work on Thursday, and I'm sure that shaved POUNDS off. Friday we ate good noodles (I had Pad Thai), Saturday I had crostinis for dinner, and Sunday I ordered crab rangoon in the morning and then had half a burger and Parmesan herb fries at dinner. Alas. My goal for tonight is to not feel sick to my stomach after dinner -- here's hoping!
KFC you later, lovers.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Monday, October 25, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
If You Believe in Fairies, Then Clap Your Hands
Good morning! Happy humper day. I'm in good spirits -- it's a nice, cloudy Fall day, work is going slowly but surely, and I think I'll be able to have a night to myself tonight. I haven't heard any more from Rockabilly, so I think the date (that was scheduled for tonight) is not happening. I feel pretty relieved. My new plan is to hit Rite Aid on the way home for some supplies (I love buying drugstore items), then home to get the hippie re-usable grocery bags, then off to pick up the week's veggie share. Then it's time to FINALLY watch Sunday's Mad Men! Though certain things have been spoiled for me by the internets, I still don't know exactly what happens, and I'm pumped.
Things are going well with Hike, and we've been texting. I'm entering a familiar emotional worrying cycle now, actually. It has three points, all along a circle:
1. Get giddy and excited and all day-dreamy about Object Of Affection.
2. Get concerned that I'm wearing rose-colored glasses and OOA will most likely prove disappointing, probably by disappearing or betraying me.
3. Realize I'm over analyzing the situation and try to relax and enjoy the ride (literally or not). Then back to Step 1 and repeat.
Ok, the points are labeled wrong on there and not even legible, but you get what I'm saying. Am I ever going to outgrow this? Am I ever going to be able to control my BRAIN?
So dodgeball was frustrating, as usual, with stupid people complaining about the game and other stupid people not following the rules (there is a LINE for a reason--stop hogging all the playing time, dick), but then we went to the bar afterwards for three beers (the third is free) and it was fun to hang out with Schmess, her bf, and the other cute boy on our team. (The engaged guy wasn't there, which was fine.) I've always had a small crush on the other cute boy (let's call him Marine), but we have a definite "buddy" relationship. Then last night Schmess told me she thinks he likes me. We polled her bf, though, who didn't agree, so that made things less complicated. Marine wants to hang out with us this weekend, like the group, and I was worried that meant I shouldn't invite Hike, but we determined that it's Marine's responsibility to make some overture to me if he does indeed like me, and otherwise I'm perfectly free to be dating other boys. So there.
WOW I need to find something else to talk about besides boys. Is it grating? Or is this why you love me?
Food today:
B - coffee, honey b's, milk
L - soup probably
D - bbq pulled chicken, english muffin, veg of some sort
S - yogurt or cottage cheese, decaf coffee, Jello-O Mousse Temptations (which are orgasmic)
Exercise - Walking around for errands. Shut up.
Things are going well with Hike, and we've been texting. I'm entering a familiar emotional worrying cycle now, actually. It has three points, all along a circle:
1. Get giddy and excited and all day-dreamy about Object Of Affection.
2. Get concerned that I'm wearing rose-colored glasses and OOA will most likely prove disappointing, probably by disappearing or betraying me.
3. Realize I'm over analyzing the situation and try to relax and enjoy the ride (literally or not). Then back to Step 1 and repeat.
Ok, the points are labeled wrong on there and not even legible, but you get what I'm saying. Am I ever going to outgrow this? Am I ever going to be able to control my BRAIN?
So dodgeball was frustrating, as usual, with stupid people complaining about the game and other stupid people not following the rules (there is a LINE for a reason--stop hogging all the playing time, dick), but then we went to the bar afterwards for three beers (the third is free) and it was fun to hang out with Schmess, her bf, and the other cute boy on our team. (The engaged guy wasn't there, which was fine.) I've always had a small crush on the other cute boy (let's call him Marine), but we have a definite "buddy" relationship. Then last night Schmess told me she thinks he likes me. We polled her bf, though, who didn't agree, so that made things less complicated. Marine wants to hang out with us this weekend, like the group, and I was worried that meant I shouldn't invite Hike, but we determined that it's Marine's responsibility to make some overture to me if he does indeed like me, and otherwise I'm perfectly free to be dating other boys. So there.
WOW I need to find something else to talk about besides boys. Is it grating? Or is this why you love me?
Food today:
B - coffee, honey b's, milk
L - soup probably
D - bbq pulled chicken, english muffin, veg of some sort
S - yogurt or cottage cheese, decaf coffee, Jello-O Mousse Temptations (which are orgasmic)
Exercise - Walking around for errands. Shut up.
Friday, October 15, 2010
Just When You Think You've Gotten Away With It
My office is a ghost town today! I have a feeling I'll be enjoying the bounty of the internet quite a bit. I also tracked down the lady singer from the Avett Brothers concert, so I'm checking out her Youtube offerings, though there is not much. What do you think?
The Munchers are discussing starting a month-long self-improvement game, that involves setting personal goals and getting points for reaching them. It's sort of a competition, but with friendly encouragement included. I think we're still working on details, but if it doesn't take off soon, I'll start on my goal list myself. One of my items is to track my food again, so we'll be returning to that shortly. In fact, I can do it today, though I don't know what I'm having for lunch yet. I let myself buy (and I get one of those a week!)
So last night was a much-needed night in. I got home and Skyped with Britch for an hour and a half or so, and we got all caught up and my psyche feels more balanced again. Hike texted me during the day and I was pleased.
Oh right, so other than the fact that I need to trim down a bit for myself, as well as work these muscles again, as I can tell I'm not as flexible as I used to be, I also want to make sure I'll feel OK taking off my clothes in front of Hike or someone like him. Ha, this is why I always liked slightly chubby guys, I think. Hike is really fit and seems smooth and it makes me nervous to be all jiggly and lumpy. So yeah, another motivating factor. I mean, who knows if it'll happen, but I must get prepared.
As I was falling asleep last night (early! finally!), I was thinking about the Mex situation, and how I'll handle it when I'm more seriously dating someone new. As in, how I'd talk about it, or what I'd do if we ran into him in the neighborhood. I think the latter would make me very uncomfortable and I'd want to leave the establishment (if it were indoors), but I am not sure how to explain that to a suitor. It's not that I want Mex back in my life, or that I still have romantic feelings for him, but I just still have a lot of pain and anger about what he did. And I feel like that will seem as if I'm too hung up on it, and I probably AM too hung up on it, but I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm progressing, I just don't want to turn somebody new off. Anyway, I'm not looking for an exact answer, I'm just mulling this over.
So right, then at 5:30 this morning I am awakened by a text message. My phone just beeps once and doesn't usually wake me up, but I must've been rolling over or something so I wasn't as asleep. Anyway, it's Mex (and we haven't talked in awhile now -- maybe nearly 2 months?) and he said "You were right." I immediately roll my eyes and think "Oh god, the baiting of an alocoholic," because my friends who are more experienced with the disease have taught me about this. Then the second thing I think is "Oh god, does he have an STD or something else horrible?" (I wasn't entirely awake, obviously, and I am a worrier by nature, as you know.) So I respond "About?" Dumb move, Stevie. He then is like "Oh, u r awake!" etc. He misses me, he wants to see me, and then he tried calling, and I ignored it all. The last one was just a pleading "baby" and for fuck's sake, man. It was him crying wolf, being wasted, and being lonely, and it's sad. I will say it's slightly better that I wasn't entirely awake at the time, because when I woke up for real this morning, it sort of just seemed like a bad dream. (And I later dreamed about snakes, so you know, they connected.) And I'm also encouraged that I'm not totally messed up by hearing from him, or hearing such things from him. I'll admit it's nice to know that I'm not missing out on anything, as he's still a drunk, desperate loser, and it's also nice to know that YEAH it's not that easy to get over me, shithead. But you know, in general I don't want to think about it much, and I think I can accomplish that.
Right, that happened. But onwards. The weekend should be great, and nice and cold and fall-ish! Today I have fun lunch plans with the two local Munchers, and then tonight I'm going to Park Slope to see a friend's band with Schmillie, and at first I was thinking "Oh, I'm too old and tired," but then I realized that 1) I miss her and 2) I don't have much else planned this weekend, so that's lame. Tomorrow I'm having brunch at Il Bambino in Astoria with Schmammi (where I didn't get to go on my brunch date last weekend), and that's it so far. I know Mars (my date from Monday) has a wedding in NJ this weekend, so he won't be around, but perhaps Hike will want to meet up. That would be lovely. Happy Friday!
Food today:
B - Honey Bunches, coffee, milk
L - soup & half sandwich at 'Wichcraft
D - TBD
S - beer tonight
The Munchers are discussing starting a month-long self-improvement game, that involves setting personal goals and getting points for reaching them. It's sort of a competition, but with friendly encouragement included. I think we're still working on details, but if it doesn't take off soon, I'll start on my goal list myself. One of my items is to track my food again, so we'll be returning to that shortly. In fact, I can do it today, though I don't know what I'm having for lunch yet. I let myself buy (and I get one of those a week!)
So last night was a much-needed night in. I got home and Skyped with Britch for an hour and a half or so, and we got all caught up and my psyche feels more balanced again. Hike texted me during the day and I was pleased.
Oh right, so other than the fact that I need to trim down a bit for myself, as well as work these muscles again, as I can tell I'm not as flexible as I used to be, I also want to make sure I'll feel OK taking off my clothes in front of Hike or someone like him. Ha, this is why I always liked slightly chubby guys, I think. Hike is really fit and seems smooth and it makes me nervous to be all jiggly and lumpy. So yeah, another motivating factor. I mean, who knows if it'll happen, but I must get prepared.
As I was falling asleep last night (early! finally!), I was thinking about the Mex situation, and how I'll handle it when I'm more seriously dating someone new. As in, how I'd talk about it, or what I'd do if we ran into him in the neighborhood. I think the latter would make me very uncomfortable and I'd want to leave the establishment (if it were indoors), but I am not sure how to explain that to a suitor. It's not that I want Mex back in my life, or that I still have romantic feelings for him, but I just still have a lot of pain and anger about what he did. And I feel like that will seem as if I'm too hung up on it, and I probably AM too hung up on it, but I don't know what to do. I mean, I'm progressing, I just don't want to turn somebody new off. Anyway, I'm not looking for an exact answer, I'm just mulling this over.
So right, then at 5:30 this morning I am awakened by a text message. My phone just beeps once and doesn't usually wake me up, but I must've been rolling over or something so I wasn't as asleep. Anyway, it's Mex (and we haven't talked in awhile now -- maybe nearly 2 months?) and he said "You were right." I immediately roll my eyes and think "Oh god, the baiting of an alocoholic," because my friends who are more experienced with the disease have taught me about this. Then the second thing I think is "Oh god, does he have an STD or something else horrible?" (I wasn't entirely awake, obviously, and I am a worrier by nature, as you know.) So I respond "About?" Dumb move, Stevie. He then is like "Oh, u r awake!" etc. He misses me, he wants to see me, and then he tried calling, and I ignored it all. The last one was just a pleading "baby" and for fuck's sake, man. It was him crying wolf, being wasted, and being lonely, and it's sad. I will say it's slightly better that I wasn't entirely awake at the time, because when I woke up for real this morning, it sort of just seemed like a bad dream. (And I later dreamed about snakes, so you know, they connected.) And I'm also encouraged that I'm not totally messed up by hearing from him, or hearing such things from him. I'll admit it's nice to know that I'm not missing out on anything, as he's still a drunk, desperate loser, and it's also nice to know that YEAH it's not that easy to get over me, shithead. But you know, in general I don't want to think about it much, and I think I can accomplish that.
Right, that happened. But onwards. The weekend should be great, and nice and cold and fall-ish! Today I have fun lunch plans with the two local Munchers, and then tonight I'm going to Park Slope to see a friend's band with Schmillie, and at first I was thinking "Oh, I'm too old and tired," but then I realized that 1) I miss her and 2) I don't have much else planned this weekend, so that's lame. Tomorrow I'm having brunch at Il Bambino in Astoria with Schmammi (where I didn't get to go on my brunch date last weekend), and that's it so far. I know Mars (my date from Monday) has a wedding in NJ this weekend, so he won't be around, but perhaps Hike will want to meet up. That would be lovely. Happy Friday!
Food today:
B - Honey Bunches, coffee, milk
L - soup & half sandwich at 'Wichcraft
D - TBD
S - beer tonight
Thursday, October 14, 2010
I'll Pommes Your Frites
Stevie, reporting for duty. Let's talk about last night.
Before the date began, I met up with my old boss in publishing, the fabulous MoMo. We had a drink at Bill's (aka Bill's Gay Nineties), I met her ex-boyfriend, and we caught up for an hour. I wish we had longer, but she'll be back in town soon. She's so supportive and fun, and I miss her.
The Avett Brothers concert was amazing. The curtains opened on LANGHORNE EFFING SLIM, my boyfriend and Schmillie's ex-boyfriend, singing solo, then the Avetts come out and it's great, and they have some other guests throughout the night (including this woman with an amazing voice who I can't find online, and I want to listen to more), and Langhorne comes back for a few songs, and they talked about how when you play Radio City, you bring your family, and it was just awesome. They played for two hours, they kept up a good pace, and it was totally worth the ticket price. Here's Langhorne, swoon:
My date Hike was sweet, nice, fun, etc. It was a really great night. And he's not the type I'm used to, but I think that's also good. He just seems happy and together and not too serious, and also so clean-cut. So why not try it, right? It's funny sort-of liking two boys at once, because I get flashes of "Oh I have to decide," but I DON'T. Especially since who knows if either will actually ask me out again. It's fun dating multiple people, as long as none are too serious, which obviously they're not now.
And I need to drop these 10 pounds again. He seems pretty in-shape, and I don't want to be worried about getting nekkid...with anyone, I suppose. I'm not putting all my eggs in his breadbasket! Must stop that line of thinking!
Before the date began, I met up with my old boss in publishing, the fabulous MoMo. We had a drink at Bill's (aka Bill's Gay Nineties), I met her ex-boyfriend, and we caught up for an hour. I wish we had longer, but she'll be back in town soon. She's so supportive and fun, and I miss her.
The Avett Brothers concert was amazing. The curtains opened on LANGHORNE EFFING SLIM, my boyfriend and Schmillie's ex-boyfriend, singing solo, then the Avetts come out and it's great, and they have some other guests throughout the night (including this woman with an amazing voice who I can't find online, and I want to listen to more), and Langhorne comes back for a few songs, and they talked about how when you play Radio City, you bring your family, and it was just awesome. They played for two hours, they kept up a good pace, and it was totally worth the ticket price. Here's Langhorne, swoon:
My date Hike was sweet, nice, fun, etc. It was a really great night. And he's not the type I'm used to, but I think that's also good. He just seems happy and together and not too serious, and also so clean-cut. So why not try it, right? It's funny sort-of liking two boys at once, because I get flashes of "Oh I have to decide," but I DON'T. Especially since who knows if either will actually ask me out again. It's fun dating multiple people, as long as none are too serious, which obviously they're not now.
And I need to drop these 10 pounds again. He seems pretty in-shape, and I don't want to be worried about getting nekkid...with anyone, I suppose. I'm not putting all my eggs in his breadbasket! Must stop that line of thinking!
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Slip Slidin' Away
...is what this week has done. How are we? Everyone around here survive the "tornado" aka nasty thunderstorm last week? It was just hard rain in Astoria, so I was surprised to hear of the damage done further east and south. A few of my colleagues were affected -- one lost two car windows, and the other lost his patio furniture. It could definitely have been worse, and I'm glad they're safe.
So last weekend seems like a long time away, but for posterity, I'll give you a recap. Friday night I had a lovely mending evening with Schmillie. We got tacos, drank lots of wine, tried on dresses and broke her sewing machine halfway through a dress-to-apron project. I hope it's fixable, Schmills. It was a great night, with all the magic of henna light but less murder poop pie scenarios. Then Saturday I met up late with Schmannon for some pool at our current favorite old-man bar. We were totally getting smoked by the real pool sharks, but we had lots of fun and made new friends. She picked up a very cute pool pro, and I determinedly found someone to make out with myself. Actually, I brought him home at 6 am, which always bodes well, doesn't it? Anyway, I kicked him out shortly thereafter, and then slept for most of Sunday. He was a very sweet guy, but I had one of my sudden snaps of "no longer into it," and then was just not interested. I don't think we have a lot in common, plus he was really sweaty, and it grossed me out. So of course he called me that afternoon. I texted him that night, but then he called Monday to tell me not to call him for some reason that I couldn't understand as the voicemail broke up, but I mostly wanted to say that I wasn't exactly looking to date. And between you and me, I'm not looking to date a drummer who works in a bar. Yes, I'm a snob.
Anyway, last week was pretty calm. On Monday I talked to Sleeve for two hours and we made a plan that he'd walk me back from the bank on Tuesday. (Oh, did I tell you this? I ran into him in my bank on Friday and Monday -- we work near each other and apparently our offices both use the same one. Weird.) So it was this big plan of our "first date" (ha) etc., then comes Tuesday and I text him when I'm going (as planned) and he says his boss already went and he can't get out of work. Neat. This guy is insane, as he's so into me and the plan when we actually make a plan, then blows me off. And makes me text him first before he tells me? Anyway, it was less of a surprise at this point, but still mind-boggling. Of course there's still sexy texting all week, but at this point it's just entertainment for me, or at least it was this past week. It's not really entertaining anymore. I hear from him every day, but I just said (literally, just now) that it's getting frustrating for me and I want more. We'll see if he responds to that one. (And I kept it vague as to whether I want more from him or just more. But it's weird to get a dirty text message from him when I'm out with another boy I'm interested in, you know?)
Wednesday night I met my new dodgeball team for drinks. Our first game is this Tuesday, but it was supposed to be a meet-and-greet of sorts. It was fun! I liked the two new guys I met, and there was a guy from my kickball team who was fun to see again, and then Schmannon stopped by and Schmess came later. Plus, two of the three boys were cute. Bonus.
Friday was pretty quiet at work, with some people out due to the storm's consequences, and so Smee came by and asked me to lunch. I didn't realize it was just the two of us until we were walking out! It made me a little nervous, but it was really nice. We sat at the bar at The Ginger Man and ate and had a few beers, and made it a long Friday date lunch, actually. I mean, it was datish in that we were like totally facing each other and having good conversation and he paid. So we get back to the office after two, and I said, um, can we go back at 5? He said totally. So yeah, we left at 5 and went to a bar across the street on 36th, The Archive, as it was a bit quieter and had more room. Um, then we got drunk. I think I got home at midnight. I'd started with pumpkin beer at lunch, which isn't the lightest, and then had Blue Moons, and he'd switched to Ketel One and tonic. It was still fun, but I am embarrassed by one emotional moment I had where he'd said he was wondering if I'd be wanting more than my current job -- like a more challenging one. I hate when I'm drunk and something triggers a response that brings tears to my eyes and I have NO CONTROL. I know it freaks people out and I hate it, so yeah, that happened, but I just apologized profusely and he was all worried, and I tried to change the subject. Argh. I clearly have buried issues about not living up to my potential. Damn it. And then later (after things had returned to normal), I did tease him about the Frisbee Freakout. He played dumb at first. I was like, fine, but I think you know something'sok, I like you. I do. I really like you. But it can't happen," or something like that. He said that imagine if when they offered to make him partner, and he'd have to say "By the way, I'm dating your Office Manager..." I said I'd already figured that was the situation, but I was surprised he'd have to tell them, but he said he would. I guess it is a very small and close office, so I can see it. It wasn't really upsetting, since I'd already figured it out, but it's still sobering to hear it out loud. (Ha, not that sobering though.) We left soon after, and he walked me to a cab. We texted a little bit while I was going home, and agreed that it sucked, and he asked if we were OK, and I said yes, I think so, but asked what he thought. He said that we talked about it so he feels OK. Which made me feel less like I'd pressed the issue, as he seemed happy to have cleared the air, and we all know I like to do that. Even if later I feel over-aggressive paranoia.
Saturday I felt awful and hungover and stayed in bed all day, watching tv and sleeping. I've been in a funk all weekend, and I don't think it's directly because of that, but just in general I feel like I'm narrowing options without really finding new ones. (Oh, Al called a few more times during the week and texted once, so I finally just texted on Saturday that it wasn't a good time for me dating-wise, but that he was sweet, and I'd look forward to running into him again. He said sweet.) It's good that I'm not trying to date any of these guys, but I also am discouraged that no one is really going to be what I'm looking for. Well, enough of that, but I'm still sort of sad. At least I did laundry and cleaned the house a bit today, so I feel like a sort-of normal member of society.
I'm sure there's more to mull over, but that's the main haps and this is long enough. Until next time...
So last weekend seems like a long time away, but for posterity, I'll give you a recap. Friday night I had a lovely mending evening with Schmillie. We got tacos, drank lots of wine, tried on dresses and broke her sewing machine halfway through a dress-to-apron project. I hope it's fixable, Schmills. It was a great night, with all the magic of henna light but less murder poop pie scenarios. Then Saturday I met up late with Schmannon for some pool at our current favorite old-man bar. We were totally getting smoked by the real pool sharks, but we had lots of fun and made new friends. She picked up a very cute pool pro, and I determinedly found someone to make out with myself. Actually, I brought him home at 6 am, which always bodes well, doesn't it? Anyway, I kicked him out shortly thereafter, and then slept for most of Sunday. He was a very sweet guy, but I had one of my sudden snaps of "no longer into it," and then was just not interested. I don't think we have a lot in common, plus he was really sweaty, and it grossed me out. So of course he called me that afternoon. I texted him that night, but then he called Monday to tell me not to call him for some reason that I couldn't understand as the voicemail broke up, but I mostly wanted to say that I wasn't exactly looking to date. And between you and me, I'm not looking to date a drummer who works in a bar. Yes, I'm a snob.
Anyway, last week was pretty calm. On Monday I talked to Sleeve for two hours and we made a plan that he'd walk me back from the bank on Tuesday. (Oh, did I tell you this? I ran into him in my bank on Friday and Monday -- we work near each other and apparently our offices both use the same one. Weird.) So it was this big plan of our "first date" (ha) etc., then comes Tuesday and I text him when I'm going (as planned) and he says his boss already went and he can't get out of work. Neat. This guy is insane, as he's so into me and the plan when we actually make a plan, then blows me off. And makes me text him first before he tells me? Anyway, it was less of a surprise at this point, but still mind-boggling. Of course there's still sexy texting all week, but at this point it's just entertainment for me, or at least it was this past week. It's not really entertaining anymore. I hear from him every day, but I just said (literally, just now) that it's getting frustrating for me and I want more. We'll see if he responds to that one. (And I kept it vague as to whether I want more from him or just more. But it's weird to get a dirty text message from him when I'm out with another boy I'm interested in, you know?)
Wednesday night I met my new dodgeball team for drinks. Our first game is this Tuesday, but it was supposed to be a meet-and-greet of sorts. It was fun! I liked the two new guys I met, and there was a guy from my kickball team who was fun to see again, and then Schmannon stopped by and Schmess came later. Plus, two of the three boys were cute. Bonus.
Friday was pretty quiet at work, with some people out due to the storm's consequences, and so Smee came by and asked me to lunch. I didn't realize it was just the two of us until we were walking out! It made me a little nervous, but it was really nice. We sat at the bar at The Ginger Man and ate and had a few beers, and made it a long Friday date lunch, actually. I mean, it was datish in that we were like totally facing each other and having good conversation and he paid. So we get back to the office after two, and I said, um, can we go back at 5? He said totally. So yeah, we left at 5 and went to a bar across the street on 36th, The Archive, as it was a bit quieter and had more room. Um, then we got drunk. I think I got home at midnight. I'd started with pumpkin beer at lunch, which isn't the lightest, and then had Blue Moons, and he'd switched to Ketel One and tonic. It was still fun, but I am embarrassed by one emotional moment I had where he'd said he was wondering if I'd be wanting more than my current job -- like a more challenging one. I hate when I'm drunk and something triggers a response that brings tears to my eyes and I have NO CONTROL. I know it freaks people out and I hate it, so yeah, that happened, but I just apologized profusely and he was all worried, and I tried to change the subject. Argh. I clearly have buried issues about not living up to my potential. Damn it. And then later (after things had returned to normal), I did tease him about the Frisbee Freakout. He played dumb at first. I was like, fine, but I think you know something'sok, I like you. I do. I really like you. But it can't happen," or something like that. He said that imagine if when they offered to make him partner, and he'd have to say "By the way, I'm dating your Office Manager..." I said I'd already figured that was the situation, but I was surprised he'd have to tell them, but he said he would. I guess it is a very small and close office, so I can see it. It wasn't really upsetting, since I'd already figured it out, but it's still sobering to hear it out loud. (Ha, not that sobering though.) We left soon after, and he walked me to a cab. We texted a little bit while I was going home, and agreed that it sucked, and he asked if we were OK, and I said yes, I think so, but asked what he thought. He said that we talked about it so he feels OK. Which made me feel less like I'd pressed the issue, as he seemed happy to have cleared the air, and we all know I like to do that. Even if later I feel over-aggressive paranoia.
Saturday I felt awful and hungover and stayed in bed all day, watching tv and sleeping. I've been in a funk all weekend, and I don't think it's directly because of that, but just in general I feel like I'm narrowing options without really finding new ones. (Oh, Al called a few more times during the week and texted once, so I finally just texted on Saturday that it wasn't a good time for me dating-wise, but that he was sweet, and I'd look forward to running into him again. He said sweet.) It's good that I'm not trying to date any of these guys, but I also am discouraged that no one is really going to be what I'm looking for. Well, enough of that, but I'm still sort of sad. At least I did laundry and cleaned the house a bit today, so I feel like a sort-of normal member of society.
I'm sure there's more to mull over, but that's the main haps and this is long enough. Until next time...
Friday, September 10, 2010
If all the ifs and buts were candy and nuts, what a wonderful Christmas it would be.
Happy Friday! And for those of you who still work in publishing, happy first full-length Friday since Memorial Day! I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm still Snuffleupagus and even Sneezier today...I'm their love child.
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I'm still Snuffleupagus and even Sneezier today...I'm their love child.
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But screw going home and going to bed after work! I'm SICK OF IT, and also, bored. Tonight I'm going to Schmillie's for Mending Night, which is a replacement for Henna Night, ever since some wackadoo told Schmillie that henna is bad for your hair. (Impossible, I say.) But it's really just an excuse to eat lots of food, drink lots of wine, wear comfy pants and maybe try on swimsuits. I think Mending Night will probably involve less hanging out in the bathtub, but what do I know? That's also the smoking room, if I remember correctly. Oh, and Schmillie has a sewing machine, so we'll be mending some random summer frocks that I bought discounted and proceeded to rip/break pretty quickly. Maybe one will become a skirt or something, too. It should be entertaining, and I can't wait.
I was reflecting last night about what I said at the beginning of the summer -- that the summer would be for FUN and then in the fall, I'd more seriously consider online dating, since I do want to find someone. And let's be honest, most of the people I meet are at bars and not really the type to stick around, you know? The summer hasn't been quite as "fun" in the making out sense as I'd like, but I think I made some real progress as far as identifying what I'm looking for in a relationship and also, meeting some men who have some of those characteristics. They do exist. Now I just need to find the whole package (that's what she said.) And I also am much less interested in killing time with men I'm not that interested in -- and that's a big step for me, too. So it was a good summer. And it's time to start dating, I think.
I know the main reason I'm procrastinating putting up an online profile is because I really don't like most of the pictures of myself that exist. I'm not trying to be the "Oh I'm so ugleeee" girl, because I think I'm at worst, interesting looking, and sometimes even pretty. But I don't think I'm photogenic. Photos tend to illuminate how asymmetrical my face is, and I usually think I look like a stroke victim or the Elephant Man's third cousin.
Ok, so maybe not that bad, but I'm lopsided. Anyway, I thought of a solution to this problem of choosing flattering pictures of myself for my online dating profile. I will post the best of the options to an album on Snapfish, and then, if any of you, dear readers, would like to vote on your favorites, please let me know in the comments section or via personal e-mail. I will send you the link to the album and you can then tell me which you like best by listing the photo number. (Note this is only open to readers that I know personally...but I think that is most of you.) It'll take me a week or so to get organized, but if you're interested in helping me by voting, you can let me know anytime! YOUR VOTE COUNTS.
Happy weekend!
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